So I checked out the first chapter and... I'm kind of confused for many reasons. But before the story proper, the synopsis definitely needs to be worked on. The description is quite vague that I don't know what to make of it. The tags seem to correlate with what little there is of the synopsis, but the genre is the complete opposite. So this is a horror story? Because it sounds like some kind of drama. I'm not certain what to make of it.
So I go into the first chapter. I think one big issue here is grammar syntax. I think it reads well, I had no problem discerning what was happening, but I felt like it needed better wording.
Though I must make it clear that I don't actually read the stories, I just copy and paste the story to a text-to-speech program and have it read it for me. I found no problem listening as it sounds adequate enough to be discerned. Then I tried reading it myself, and that required some kind of concentration as the way it's written is quite odd. That might be the syntax problem I mentioned, but grammar issues are also strewn about.
I'm not the best person to consult about grammar, but I feel like you probably didn't proofread, or you didn't proofread with intent. I feel that sometimes we should proofread with some kind of intention behind it, such as one proofreading to look for errors and such and another reading to see how sentences can be improved. But this could also be a case where the errors are "invisible" to you, as in we get so used to our writing we see nothing wrong with it. All I can say is that I was having a tough time reading the first chapter and a few reads with some intention could go a long way. But as you said in the first post, you admit to being quite lazy with that.
I do admit, I also find it tedious to proofread, but I find proofreading tolerable when I write like 3 chapters. Then I proofread the first chapter, move on to the second chapter, and then the third, taking a break, or waiting much later, and then going back to the first chapter. I feel like we need a breather from a freshly proofread chapter, but not necessarily a break, just something else. That might help you when it comes to proofreading.
So what do I think of the story? It's kind of weird, and not the weird with intent kind, but more like random things are happening. I'm guessing this is suppose to be period drama during WWII with two... well... adults or kids, I can't tell the age of the protagonist. And apparently one of them melts? That was weird, but they seem to be fine later? Or was it a figure of speech? I'm not certain what to make of this story. It feels like it's throwing a lot at me without any context.
So with all that said, I guess I'll answer your questions.
can you understand the story?
Is it paced properly?
Do you want to read more?
How can I improve in story telling?
1.) No. I have no idea what is going.
2.) It appears so. It didn't felt like it jumped from one scene to another.
3.) I'm sorry but I do not.
4.) That's a tough one. You may want to read more stories to get inspired by them. Don't just read them, try to figure out how they are written. I feel like there's a lack of structure in terms of the writing itself. Much like how before drawing, you have to plan out with drafts and sketches, so too you must write drafts and take notes about what you want to write about. I feel this story is like a body without a skeleton. I know it's a story, but it's not looking like one.
I do hope you can continue writing if you are interested in it, but quality requires effort on the part of the author. Remember, how much effort you give reflects in the final product.
