CharlesEBrown
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Had this idea pop up in my warped head last night. Have no real idea how or what to do with it past the first chapter, and rather than letting it languish, I'll post it here.
Meet Maxwell Harlin. He is a completely average man with two great loves: reading, and being the minion to whichever bad guy is paying the best this week. He's had a tough life but he enjoys it... or did, until the day after he signed on with the crime lord The Bleeding Skull. See, The Bleeding Skull and botched a mission a few years ago and killed the wrong family. The lone survivor became the vigilante known as The Gun Bunny. Gun Bunny finally discovered that The Bleeding Skull was the man behind her family's death and went in, guns blazing and bullets hopping. Maxwell was trying to protect his boss when her bullet found him...
But somehow, he did not die...
"Wake up, sir, it is almost time," he heard while being shaken gently.
"What? Where am I?" He opened his eyes. The view was surprisingly similar - aside from what looked like campfires nearby there was no light. He seemed to be in some kind of massive carved tunnel.
"Oh this is hardly the time to be joking, Aragorn, sir."
"Aragorn? Wait, you mean I'm Strider?" He said, sitting up, suddenly alert.
"We used to call you that, yes, sir, but now it is time for you to go into the Halls of the Dead and recruit them to help defeat Sauron - or die trying."
At first, Max did not like the sound of this and considered weaseling out... but then he remembered that he had read Lord of the Rings four or five times. He knew how Aragorn made it through here and brought back the Ancestors. And maybe he could do it better - instead of just getting them to help drive Sauron from the world, he could get them to help him conquer it... instead of just the King of Gondor he could become the Emperor of Middle Earth... and didn't he get to marry some hot half-elf chick too? This was sounding better and better....
(One Month Later)
Much to his surprise, the plan worked - the Hobbits destroyed the One Ring (pity he could not have found a way to keep it for himself) and the Kings of Old then helped him take over everything. The half-elf was not as hot as he had been led to believe (maybe he had been too focused on Liv Tyler?), but passable.
On his wedding night, one of the Tooks - he could never keep them straight, which was Merridock and which Pipin - brought him a special dessert.
"What is this, my little, big-footed friend?" he asked.
"Oh, just dessert, sir."
He tasted it, and immediately felt his throat constrict...
"Er, I meant it is just desserts for a man who betrayed all of Middle Earth and turned out to be almost as bad as the monster he helped us defeat..."
The room swam before Max's eyes, he started to loose consciousness but suddenly, everything changed...
(What literary hero will he be this time ... and how will he mess it up?)
Meet Maxwell Harlin. He is a completely average man with two great loves: reading, and being the minion to whichever bad guy is paying the best this week. He's had a tough life but he enjoys it... or did, until the day after he signed on with the crime lord The Bleeding Skull. See, The Bleeding Skull and botched a mission a few years ago and killed the wrong family. The lone survivor became the vigilante known as The Gun Bunny. Gun Bunny finally discovered that The Bleeding Skull was the man behind her family's death and went in, guns blazing and bullets hopping. Maxwell was trying to protect his boss when her bullet found him...
But somehow, he did not die...
"Wake up, sir, it is almost time," he heard while being shaken gently.
"What? Where am I?" He opened his eyes. The view was surprisingly similar - aside from what looked like campfires nearby there was no light. He seemed to be in some kind of massive carved tunnel.
"Oh this is hardly the time to be joking, Aragorn, sir."
"Aragorn? Wait, you mean I'm Strider?" He said, sitting up, suddenly alert.
"We used to call you that, yes, sir, but now it is time for you to go into the Halls of the Dead and recruit them to help defeat Sauron - or die trying."
At first, Max did not like the sound of this and considered weaseling out... but then he remembered that he had read Lord of the Rings four or five times. He knew how Aragorn made it through here and brought back the Ancestors. And maybe he could do it better - instead of just getting them to help drive Sauron from the world, he could get them to help him conquer it... instead of just the King of Gondor he could become the Emperor of Middle Earth... and didn't he get to marry some hot half-elf chick too? This was sounding better and better....
(One Month Later)
Much to his surprise, the plan worked - the Hobbits destroyed the One Ring (pity he could not have found a way to keep it for himself) and the Kings of Old then helped him take over everything. The half-elf was not as hot as he had been led to believe (maybe he had been too focused on Liv Tyler?), but passable.
On his wedding night, one of the Tooks - he could never keep them straight, which was Merridock and which Pipin - brought him a special dessert.
"What is this, my little, big-footed friend?" he asked.
"Oh, just dessert, sir."
He tasted it, and immediately felt his throat constrict...
"Er, I meant it is just desserts for a man who betrayed all of Middle Earth and turned out to be almost as bad as the monster he helped us defeat..."
The room swam before Max's eyes, he started to loose consciousness but suddenly, everything changed...
(What literary hero will he be this time ... and how will he mess it up?)
