What improvements can be made?

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blackcrowcrowd

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Couldn't you first fix your synopsis?
fix.png

TL;DR, Synopsis slightly interesting but could be fixed(?)
Also, from what I can see from reading your first few chapters, you write the novel as if it's an animation? It's like everything goes so fast without much explanation. Things that sound important doesn't really feel important since you dont put much 'screentime' for these things..

In the Hall of Judgement, a council of enigmatic beings debated the fate of Hoshino and the fractured timelines. They watched with keen interest as events unfolded across dimensions, their motives hidden behind veils of cosmic wisdom and unfathomable agendas.-> very confusing. If this is in an animation with some cool art it'll feel cool, but I can't imagine much.
 
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Deleted member 180663

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Couldn't you first fix your synopsis? View attachment 32747
TL;DR, Synopsis slightly interesting but could be fixed(?)
Also, from what I can see from reading your first few chapters, you write the novel as if it's an animation? It's like everything goes so fast without much explanation. Things that sound important doesn't really feel important since you dont put much 'screentime' for these things..

In the Hall of Judgement, a council of enigmatic beings debated the fate of Hoshino and the fractured timelines. They watched with keen interest as events unfolded across dimensions, their motives hidden behind veils of cosmic wisdom and unfathomable agendas.-> very confusing. If this is in an animation with some cool art it'll feel cool, but I can't imagine much.
There fixed.
And that part was written by me 6 months ago.... And i write these chapters early then scrap them and edit them and run them through chatgpt to fix grammar issue.
The first 3 chapter are 6 months old and i would like to renew them but it's too much work.
Writing 4,000 to 7,000 words per day as exhausted me. Look at my chapters uploaded, its daily upload.
I am so sleep deprived now.
I will renew this later.

And here's the synopsis renewed:


I thought it would end with one act—a quick escape from the agony of existence, right there in front of the person I once loved. But life betrayed me. Death betrayed me.

Instead, I woke in another life, another body, another place. My soul shuttled through timelines like a broken record. I’ve died in a hundred ways, only to awaken again, torn between lifetimes and realms. In one, I fight alongside friends; in another, I betray and murder them with my own hands.

This reality is fractured, a grotesque infinity where even hope is a twisted illusion. An endless theater of shattered lives, a world layered upon worlds where each path is soaked in tragedy. Every escape I seek only throws me into another variation, another mocking version of a life I can’t understand and am forced to endure.

The lines between “me” and the countless “me’s” blur. Each world more surreal, each existence a tragic distortion of the last. This place—a labyrinthine paradox—is a hell disguised as reality.

In this place, “once a tragedy, always a tragedy.”

-
Tell me if it's more interesting.
 

Xcalibur_Xc

dEATH tO tHE tROLLS
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Stop promoting your book here. Are you stupid or blind? Too many people are doing this lately and it's annoying. There's the story feedback thread, right? Go there.
 

Not_A_Symphony

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I'd advise you to use ProWrittingAid or Grammarly - they are better options to ChatGPT in my opinion. (The first one is my prefered one though)
 

CharlesEBrown

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why is everyone being so mean to bro lmao.
Because a blanket request for reviews or feedback belongs more appropriately in the Feedback forum not the advice and tips one - that would be where you either offer advice or ask for advice on something SPECIFIC instead of just an entire story. "Does this scene work?" "How can I make this character feel more real?"
 
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BLIGHT_ZERO

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Because a blanked request for reviews or feedback belongs more appropriately in the Feedback forum not the advice and tips one - that would be where you either offer advice or ask for advice on something SPECIFIC instead of just an entire story. "Does this scene work?" "How can I make this character feel more real?"
no i get that but i'm 70 percent sure English isn't his first language. So I get how it could be confusing.
*edit: be* english is MY first language lol.
 
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Deleted member 180663

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Because a blanked request for reviews or feedback belongs more appropriately in the Feedback forum not the advice and tips one - that would be where you either offer advice or ask for advice on something SPECIFIC instead of just an entire story. "Does this scene work?" "How can I make this character feel more real?"
Okay,I'll stop.
no i get that but i'm 70 percent sure English isn't his first language. So I get how it could be confusing.
*edit: be* english is MY first language lol.
Yeah English is not my first language but ironically I'm better at English than my national one.
sound like you used ai
No.. Chat gpt isn't that smart.
 

LordInui

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Okay,I'll stop.

Yeah English is not my first language but ironically I'm better at English than my national one.

No.. Chat gpt isn't that smart.
It is. They all sound the same. And his work is like this too. Im not saying that he let ChatGPT write the novel, but he let it work over. It is not bad, if we get better quality because of it, but then the author should atleast put it in the bio.
 

Tatsuo

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Agreed.
It aint all that bad if a writer learns to write better and learn from using Chatgpt.
 
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