I'm a much newer writer on SH so take my advice with a grain of salt. You won't be writing the next lord of the rings with my advice.
I read a book called 'How to write a damn good novel' - it's not perfect advice, but it gets you off the ground.
If you're starting out a story, put a person in a a place doing something interesting or doing something odd. Why are they doing what they're doing? Always have that irritant that can only be relieved by reading more of the story.
You need enough paint on the walls to tell your story. People know people, places, and things. Can you imagine how frustrating it would be to be put inside the head of another person and only hear about their emotions and thoughts, and not see what's actually going on? People like to see a plot progress and things to happen.
- Describe the world through the actions of the characters.
- Make sure the plot draws you into the world your painting. (Unless its slice of life literature, in which case you're painting a whole lot more.)
- Make a cause and effect chain of action and reaction.
- If you're going to get into a person's head, do it while they're prepping for big action.
- Inhabit your characters do their actions make sense when you inhabit them?
- Look into the concept of the 'story circle' for your plot.
- Avoid sparse long sections of sparse paragraphs like the plague.
Once you get the basics down then you can focus on improving your writing style.
I see a lot of stories with no traction where the first chapter has the MC in their own head and you don't have a clue what's going on. Paint the world a little so the reader can simulate your world before you get too far into the character's mind.
Don't info dump in the first chapter. I guess you can info dump in the glossary and point to that.
I find LitRPG hard to read, but it's popular for some people. One thing that turns me off them is that in a lot of anime, people will do or say a single thing and then get that concept as a 'skill' in a pop up window. I get that it's LitRPG, but I never liked literature that just repeatedly handed the MC powers like that.
Secondly, and this isn't something you seem to do, is have six or seven word sentences and then a new paragraph with huge amounts of white space. It really inhibits reading. People in real life talk differently in books, and you'll find conversations where you condense the dialog a little to be easier to read. So when you would say a single sentence, and the person would respond. You'll now have them speak two or three sentences before getting a response. Much less 'dead space' in the conversation.
