well i require some help

[DarkGodEM]

And who was this guy Darkone?

Lust Knight by LamenThief

The most universally hated being in all of the internet.

 

[2021]

Lust Knight by LamenThief

The most universally hated being in all of the internet.

why? it does sound dickish

 

[SilvCrimBlac]

Lust Knight by LamenThief

The most universally hated being in all of the internet.

Oh yeah. Wow, its been a long time since I heard that name.

 

[2021]

made fixed version. well little better.

Then, not a moment later, that bliss was interrupted by a violent gust of wind, along with an unnaturally frigid cold that sunk its teeth into my exposed skin. This wouldn't have been a problem normally, but since it was summer, I wore, well, summer wear; Shorts, and a Hawaiian shirt — which was unbuttoned.


I
made a better version

Then, not a moment later, that bliss was interrupted by a violent gust of wind. The surrounding temperature suddenly dropped to a frigid chill, the cold sunk its teeth into my exposed skin. This wouldn't have been a problem normally, but since it was summer, I wore, well, summer wear; Shorts, and a Hawaiian shirt — which was unbuttoned.
____________________
(made a alt version)


Then, not a moment later, that bliss was interrupted by a violent gust of wind. The surrounding temperature suddenly dropped to a frigid chill, its teeth sunk into my exposed skin. This wouldn't have been a problem normally, but since it was summer, I wore, well, summer wear; Shorts, and a Hawaiian shirt — which was unbuttoned.

 

[Temple]

Hmmm, I can make some suggestions to that.

Then, not a moment later, that bliss was interrupted by a violent gust of wind. The humid air (dunno what to put here, 'surrounding temperature' sounds too formal for a first-person pov narration) dropped to a frigid chill, its teeth sunk into my exposed skin. A really huge problem because since it was summer, I wore, well, summer wear—shorts and an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt.

Change the 'this wouldn't be a problem normally', because that's a frame of reference to normal weather, and normal weather is 'frigid chill'? Unless that's what you meant? Better to flip the sentence to something like I did up there. Semi-colon can't separate the shorts and hawaiian shirt because that's not an independent clause. Use the em dash because it'll be a clarification and emphasis of the 'summer wear' (kind of like a colon here, although em dash has many uses), it's going to be kind of what you were doing before with the 'unbuttoned' part.

 

[2021]

Hmmm, I can make some suggestions to that.

Then, not a moment later, that bliss was interrupted by a violent gust of wind. The humid air (dunno what to put here, 'surrounding temperature' sounds too formal for a first-person pov narration) dropped to a frigid chill, its teeth sunk into my exposed skin. A really huge problem because since it was summer, I wore, well, summer wear—shorts and an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt.

Change the 'this wouldn't be a problem normally', because that's a frame of reference to normal weather, and normal weather is 'frigid chill'? Unless that's what you meant? Better to flip the sentence to something like I did up there. Semi-colon can't separate the shorts and hawaiian shirt because that's not an independent clause. Use the em dash because it'll be a clarification and emphasis of the 'summer wear' (kind of like a colon here, although em dash has many uses), it's going to be kind of what you were doing before with the 'unbuttoned' part.

The shorts and shirt part was originally seperated from ”summer wear” by a dash (—) but then Someone said that’s wrong.

I’ll think for alt for the surrounding temperature

-

I can see why “Which normally wouldn’t have been problem” would be confusing since it would mean where he lives normally the temperature would be that of a extreme cold

 

[Temple]

The correct punctuation would be summer wear: shorts... But colon is more for formal writing. Em dash can sub as a colon. Em dash is probably the most versatile punctuation and my favorite one.

 

[2021]

The correct punctuation would be summer wear: shorts... But colon is more for formal writing. Em dash can sub as a colon. Em dash is probably the most versatile punctuation and my favorite one.

I like dashes

 

[ballmersergey]

I would like to wish all of you a good day. Is a ranboo hoodie's appropriate for parties? Do you have any funny costumes to recommend?

 

[2021]

I would like to wish all of you a good day. Is a ranboo hoodie appropriate for parties? Do you have any funny costumes to recommend?

This isn’t even a thread for that. Come back when you have suggestions