well i require some help

[2021]

I dont know if i used the right punctuation.

Then not a moment later that bliss was interrupted by a violent gust of wind, along with an unnaturally frigid cold that sunk its teeth into my exposed chest – since it was summer I only wore well summer wear, shorts and a hawaiian shirt, which was unbutton; the air felt ecstatic, like electricity was flowing through it. My lungs burned with each breath.

 

[eun_]

I dont know if i used the right punctuation.

Then not a moment later that bliss was interrupted by a violent gust of wind, along with an unnaturally frigid cold that sunk its teeth into my exposed chest – since it was summer I only wore well summer wear, shorts and a hawaiian shirt, which was unbutton; the air felt ecstatic, like electricity was flowing through it. My lungs burned with each breath.

I would add comma to "shorts, and..."

Not really punctuation but I would remove the word "well" from "well summer," remove "was" and "it" from "like electricity was flowing through," and make the "My lungs burned with each breath" a new paragraph instead. It doesn't stick well with the rest of the paragraph.

All in all, it's good.

 

[Motsu]

(1)Then, not a moment later, that bliss was interrupted by a violent gust of wind, along with an unnaturally frigid cold that sunk its teeth into my exposed chest. (2)Since it was summer I only wore well summer wear; shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, which was unbuttoned. (3)The air felt ecstatic, like electricity was flowing through it. (4)My lungs burned with each breath.

—Descriptions can still be improved.
—Pieces of information are out of place.

The paragraph is all over the place. Stop describing the subject twice in a different order. Adding hyperbole that doesn't fit the scenario can be puzzling for some readers. Depending on the way it is narrated, the use of the dash and comma can vary.

These are the small points I can only provide.

 

[DarkGodEM]

(1)Then, not a moment later, that bliss was interrupted by a violent gust of wind, along with an unnaturally frigid cold that sunk its teeth into my exposed chest. (2)Since it was summer I only wore well summer wear; shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, which was unbuttoned. (3)The air felt ecstatic, like electricity was flowing through it. (4)My lungs burned with each breath.

—Descriptions can still be improved.
—Pieces of information are out of place.

The paragraph is all over the place. Stop describing the subject twice in a different order. Adding hyperbole that doesn't fit the scenario can be puzzling for some readers. Depending on the way it is narrated, the use of the dash and comma can vary.

These are the small points I can only provide.

You forgot to mention the Unnaturally cold cold.
"well summer wear" also reeks of MTL

 

[Motsu]

You forgot to mention the Unnaturally cold cold.
"well summer wear" also reeks of MTL

Thanks for the addition!
—With this much problem. I can tell how much of a disaster his story would be.

 

[foxoftheasterisk]

Then, not a moment later, that bliss was interrupted by a violent gust of wind, along with an unnaturally frigid cold that sunk its teeth into my exposed chest (since it was summer I only wore, well, summer wear: shorts and a hawaiian shirt, which was unbuttoned). The air felt ecstatic, like electricity was flowing through it. My lungs burned with each breath.

That's I think the best punctuation for the words you have there (although I do admit to a fondness for parentheses that others may not share). If you want a full editing though I might switch it to something like this:

Then, not a moment later, that bliss was interrupted by a violent, unnaturally frigid, gust of wind that sunk its teeth into my chest, exposed as it was by my unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt; the air felt ecstatic, like electricity was flowing through it. My lungs burned with each breath.

Thanks for the addition!
—With this much problem. I can tell how much of a disaster his story would be.

Wow, rude.
Don't get disheartened - I've read and enjoyed stories with much worse grammar issues than this, and half of those points are subjective at best.

 

[Arkus86]

I would only make a slight change

Then, not a moment later, that bliss was interrupted by a violent gust of wind, along with an unnaturally frigid cold that sunk its teeth into my exposed chest. Since it was summer, I only wore, well, (or just scratch the "well" completely) summer wear; shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, which was unbuttoned. The air felt ecstatic, like electricity was flowing through it. My lungs burned with each breath.

 

[DarkGodEM]

Then, not a moment later, that bliss was interrupted by a violent gust of wind, along with an unnaturally frigid cold that sunk its teeth into my exposed chest (since it was summer I only wore, well, summer wear: shorts and a hawaiian shirt, which was unbuttoned). The air felt ecstatic, like electricity was flowing through it. My lungs burned with each breath.

That's I think the best punctuation for the words you have there (although I do admit to a fondness for parentheses that others may not share). If you want a full editing though I might switch it to something like this:

Then, not a moment later, that bliss was interrupted by a violent, unnaturally frigid, gust of wind that sunk its teeth into my chest, exposed as it was by my unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt; the air felt ecstatic, like electricity was flowing through it. My lungs burned with each breath.


Wow, rude.
Don't get disheartened - I've read and enjoyed stories with much worse grammar issues than this, and half of those points are subjective at best.

same here.
I've actually edited a novel of a guy who did not know English and straight up MTL'd his way to success. Guy has 450 active Patrons and makes upwards of 3K a month nowadays (After being YEEETED off this platform by our great overlord Tony-sama himself)

But please do not use lines you read on MTL and chinese novels on your novels, research and try to improve

 

[2021]

same here.
I've actually edited a novel of a guy who did not know English and straight up MTL'd his way to success. Guy has 450 active Patrons and makes upwards of 3K a month nowadays (After being YEEETED off this platform by our great overlord Tony-sama himself)

But please do not use lines you read on MTL and chinese novels on your novels, research and try to improve

may I ask why you hate the word (well) so much? I was trying to make it relate to a first person pov — which I’ve never done before, since I‘m use to writing a modified version of a third person pov.

 

[foxoftheasterisk]

may I ask why you hate the word (well) so much? I was trying to make it relate to a first person pov — which I’ve never done before, since I‘m use to writing a modified version of a third person pov.

Phrasing it like that gives it a very casual tone. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it is definitely A Choice that is worth putting some thought into - you might not want it to be that casual if you're trying to write an epic story, for example.

Side note, what is MTL?

 

[2021]

Phrasing it like that gives it a very casual tone. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it is definitely A Choice that is worth putting some thought into - you might not want it to be that casual if you're trying to write an epic story, for example.

Side note, what is MTL?

Machine translation

Thanks for the addition!
—With this much problem. I can tell how much of a disaster his story would be.

That might be so; I’ll take that not to heart — because it’s a pretty d*ck-ish move to say that!?-.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

I dont know if i used the right punctuation.

Then not a moment later that bliss was interrupted by a violent gust of wind, along with an unnaturally frigid cold that sunk its teeth into my exposed chest – since it was summer I only wore well summer wear, shorts and a hawaiian shirt, which was unbutton; the air felt ecstatic, like electricity was flowing through it. My lungs burned with each breath.

GO GET TextEdit.
Edit > Speech > Start Speaking
LISTEN to your story SPOKEN OUT LOUD by the uncaring and merciless computer.
CRINGE at your own works spoken to you.
Go back and fix it until it sounds better.

It is torture because it sucks when you hear for the 20th time 'The The' and you swore you edited your own story better than this, but trust me, listening to your story spoken out loud, as painful as it will be, is the best way to fix your story after you have done your first proof read.

 

[DarkGodEM]

may I ask why you hate the word (well) so much? I was trying to make it relate to a first person pov — which I’ve never done before, since I‘m use to writing a modified version of a third person pov.

Oh it's not the word. It's how it was used. "well summer wear" is a poorly translated version of "good summer wear" which is correct, but also doesn't fit this sentence at all.
You can't "use well summer wear." You can "use summer wear well."or "use well summer wear, like a tshirt on a hot day" but neither of those fit what you were trying to say. to "use well summer wear" is to "use summer wear properly"

since it was summer I only wore well summer wear, shorts and a hawaiian shirt, which was unbutton;

should have been

Since it was summer, I only wore some good summer wear; shorts and a Hawaiian shirt which was unbuttoned.
I'm not here to tell you to give up or that your writing is bad like the asshole before, I'm just telling you, be careful with the traps in English language
I'm not here to tell you to give up or that your writing is bad like the asshole before, I'm just telling you, be careful with the traps in English language

Phrasing it like that gives it a very casual tone. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it is definitely A Choice that is worth putting some thought into - you might not want it to be that casual if you're trying to write an epic story, for example.

Side note, what is MTL?

The problem was never the casualness, it was the wrong word for the wrong sentence.
You can't eat with well utensils. You can't dress with well clothing
You eat well with good utensils and You dress well with good clothing

 

[tiaf]

Oh it's not the word. It's how it was used. "well summer wear" is a poorly translated version of "good summer wear" which is correct, but also doesn't fit this sentence at all.
You can't "use well summer wear." You can "use summer wear well."or "use well summer wear, like a tshirt on a hot day" but neither of those fit what you were trying to say. to "use well summer wear" is to "use summer wear properly"

should have been

Since it was summer, I only wore some good summer wear; shorts and a Hawaiian shirt which was unbuttoned.
I'm not here to tell you to give up or that your writing is bad like the asshole before, I'm just telling you, be careful with the traps in English language
I'm not here to tell you to give up or that your writing is bad like the asshole before, I'm just telling you, be careful with the traps in English language

I think you misunderstood the 'well' OP used
The power of commas I would say

At OP: The 'well' in the thread title also needs a comma after it.
well as in good=no comma
well as in dispensable sentence piece=needs comma (before and) after the word

 

[DarkGodEM]

I think you misunderstood the 'well' OP used
The power of commas I would say

At OP: The 'well' in the thread title also needs a comma after it.
well as in good=no comma
well as in dispensable sentence piece=needs comma (before and) after the word

You mean he wanted to say
"only wore, well... summer wear."

That makes it even worse in the punctuation regard tho

 

[tiaf]

You mean he wanted to say
"only wore, well... summer wear."

That makes it even worse in the punctuation regard tho

I don't know why the 'well' is such a problem. It's 1POV so it fits the tone of the narrator. OP can correct the punctuation and it will be readable.

 

[Temple]

That's 'well' used as an interjection. Since it's first-person pov, then that's correct. Just doing "only wore, well, summer wear" is already correct.

 

[DarkGodEM]

That's 'well' used as an interjection. Since it's first-person pov, then that's correct. Just doing "only wore, well, summer wear" is already correct.

I understand that's what you are reading...

BUT HOW THE FUCK YOU GET THERE WITHOUT THE PUNCTUATION AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Like, I understood a completely different sentence ._.

 

[SilvCrimBlac]

I've actually edited a novel of a guy who did not know English and straight up MTL'd his way to success. Guy has 450 active Patrons and makes upwards of 3K a month nowadays (After being YEEETED off this platform by our great overlord Tony-sama himself)

And who was this guy Darkone?

 

[2021]

Oh it's not the word. It's how it was used. "well summer wear" is a poorly translated version of "good summer wear" which is correct, but also doesn't fit this sentence at all.
You can't "use well summer wear." You can "use summer wear well."or "use well summer wear, like a tshirt on a hot day" but neither of those fit what you were trying to say. to "use well summer wear" is to "use summer wear properly"

should have been

Since it was summer, I only wore some good summer wear; shorts and a Hawaiian shirt which was unbuttoned.
I'm not here to tell you to give up or that your writing is bad like the asshole before, I'm just telling you, be careful with the traps in English language
I'm not here to tell you to give up or that your writing is bad like the asshole before, I'm just telling you, be careful with the traps in English language

The problem was never the casualness, it was the wrong word for the wrong sentence.
You can't eat with well utensils. You can't dress with well clothing
You eat well with good utensils and You dress well with good clothing

Ahhhh, well was not meant to mean good, (well you know?) (Well ya’ know it was summer last year) I meant it that way
Nevermind just read the past thingys, thank you good sir’s and ma’ams who figured out what I mean, it was the punctation that was the problem.
(Also forgot to add, why the frigid cold is not apart of the gust of wind, blah blah it magic, kinda of, it more energy of cold filling him, and surrounding him.) Ill at likely have to edit that it make it more or less something