Destiny Demands my Death By H. R. M. Fairemont Chapter One — Shattered Mirror I find myself struggling with a question: how important is knowing the truth? Some truths come with disastrous consequences; they are capable of upending our lives or changing our entire worldview, so when faced with ...
Destiny Demands my Death By H. R. M. Fairemont Chapter One — Shattered Mirror I find myself struggling with a question: how important is knowing the truth? Some truths come with disastrous consequences; they are capable of upending our lives or changing our entire worldview, so when faced with ...
I know any link but docs link, damn this post is like the slums
I almost stop reading because of the weird font and no appropriate spacing between paragraphs in this format. Still, barely consumable
I, again, almost stopped reading when I noticed the "my" isn't capitalized.
Then I finally stop reading 3 words in because "I find myself" is present tense and I don't fw that
I know any link but docs link, damn this post is like the slums
I almost stop reading because of the weird font and no appropriate spacing between paragraphs in this format. Still, barely consumable
I, again, almost stopped reading when I noticed the "my" isn't capitalized.
Then I finally stop reading 3 words in because "I find myself" is present tense and I don't fw that
After discovering a human has been secretly tending the castle gardens for the past decade, the Demon King makes him the official Royal Gardener - to the annoyance of his court. Newly appointed Demon King Jurao is surprised to see the affection the sentient plants of the castle gardens have...
After discovering a human has been secretly tending the castle gardens for the past decade, the Demon King makes him the official Royal Gardener - to the annoyance of his court. Newly appointed Demon King Jurao is surprised to see the affection the sentient plants of the castle gardens have...
I stopped reading at the synopsis, the idea of a random human for some unknown reason was tending to the demon king's garden is intriguing, but very much more confusing. It's like a scale and ze story leanin' on "confusing", could be just me!
Also, I don't have a feel for the composition of the cover image, I can't figure out where they are, a colossium of sorts?
I feel like this is a bad plan, but I've had a pretty decent mix of both good and bad feedback, and so why not?
My first comment is to not go into my story expecting a webnovel, I am writing a traditional novel and just sharing it on a few sites because I've never written before. :)
I feel like this is a bad plan, but I've had a pretty decent mix of both good and bad feedback, and so why not?
My first comment is to not go into my story expecting a webnovel, I am writing a traditional novel and just sharing it on a few sites because I've never written before. :)
Probably won't! That's the whole point of throwing myself into the fire.
I try to remind myself that just like everyone likes different music, everyone likes different stories and writing styles, and just because my story isn't someone's cup of tea doesn't mean that it couldn't be someone else's (or that i can't grow from negative feedback!)
I feel like this is a bad plan, but I've had a pretty decent mix of both good and bad feedback, and so why not?
My first comment is to not go into my story expecting a webnovel, I am writing a traditional novel and just sharing it on a few sites because I've never written before. :)
I should've stopped when I saw the title has a full stop which was weird to look at, but not enough much of a problem.
Twenty-one-year-old is an eyeful. I personally wouldn't connect more than 2 words together with an en dash. I know that it's bad to write numbers as the very first part of a sentence, too. So I'd say just "At the age of 21." or "The twenty-one years old"
I have a habit of double clicking to highlight an entire paragraph, and I saw that
Twenty-one-year-old Leora Everen never believed in magic beyond the walls of the divide - until the day her brother was mauled by a creature from within it and began to fade beneath a strange, darkening sickness.
Following a mysterious riddle, Leora heads into the forbidden land, desperate to save her brother.
As her heart becomes entwined with destiny, Leora must face the most brutal truth: to save those she loves, she may have to give up everything, even herself.
Are 3 different paragraphs, yet not spaced like the two paragraphs below. It's inconsistent.
steppng away from that, here's my pet peeve and you should definitely ignore: Leora Everen is not a likable name. It's two strange words. People get away with one strange word to make it unique (i.e: Luke Skywalker, Luke is normal, Skywalker is strange).
If the name is strange, it should be easy to look at, too. One way to do that is having the last name visually longer than the first name.
Also, I believe the en dash you used here
is grammartically wrong.
Conclusion: Stopped at the first line of the synopsis.
It’s really interesting how your brain works. You tend to focus a lot on details that feel minor or even kinda meaningless, things that don’t really move the story forward. That surprises me because my brain works almost the opposite way. I usually skim a few chapters, often somewhere in the middle, just to get a quick feel for where the story’s heading. Then I either go back to the beginning or just drop it altogether.
I should've stopped when I saw the title has a full stop which was weird to look at, but not enough much of a problem.
Twenty-one-year-old is an eyeful. I personally wouldn't connect more than 2 words together with an en dash. I know that it's bad to write numbers as the very first part of a sentence, too. So I'd say just "At the age of 21." or "The twenty-one years old"
I have a habit of double clicking to highlight an entire paragraph, and I saw that
Twenty-one-year-old Leora Everen never believed in magic beyond the walls of the divide - until the day her brother was mauled by a creature from within it and began to fade beneath a strange, darkening sickness.
Following a mysterious riddle, Leora heads into the forbidden land, desperate to save her brother.
As her heart becomes entwined with destiny, Leora must face the most brutal truth: to save those she loves, she may have to give up everything, even herself.
Are 3 different paragraphs, yet not spaced like the two paragraphs below. It's inconsistent.
steppng away from that, here's my pet peeve and you should definitely ignore: Leora Everen is not a likable name. It's two strange words. People get away with one strange word to make it unique (i.e: Luke Skywalker, Luke is normal, Skywalker is strange).
If the name is strange, it should be easy to look at, too. One way to do that is having the last name visually longer than the first name.
Also, I believe the en dash you used here View attachment 38680 is grammartically wrong.
Conclusion: Stopped at the first line of the synopsis.
Thank you, that's actually wonderfully helpful. I feel like i get a decent amount of clicks that stop there, but i've also been told that my writing within the story is decent. Finding specifics on WHY my synopsis is off-putting is wonderful.
It’s really interesting how your brain works. You tend to focus a lot on details that feel minor or even kinda meaningless, things that don’t really move the story forward. That surprises me because my brain works almost the opposite way. I usually skim a few chapters, often somewhere in the middle, just to get a quick feel for where the story’s heading. Then I either go back to the beginning or just drop it altogether.
Thank you, that's actually wonderfully helpful. I feel like i get a decent amount of clicks that stop there, but i've also been told that my writing within the story is decent. Finding specifics on WHY my synopsis is off-putting is wonderful.
It’s just interesting to find out these kinds of details about people it’s always surprising how different everyone’s perception patterns are. And until you talk about it, you’d never know. Really cool that you brought it up.
I stopped reading at the synopsis, the idea of a random human for some unknown reason was tending to the demon king's garden is intriguing, but very much more confusing. It's like a scale and ze story leanin' on "confusing", could be just me!
Also, I don't have a feel for the composition of the cover image, I can't figure out where they are, a colossium of sorts?
I mean I've mentioned it in another thread, but I've unironically called it a sitcom, so it does tend to use situational comedy lol but if that's not your thing that's fair, it's def hit or miss with a lot of people
they're in a dining room/great hall on the cover - the table is just able to seat around 30 people that are all around 8-9ft tall and the height disparity between the leads (9'8" vs 6'1") makes finding the best angles... challenging (also the room is made of packed earth/clay similar to adobe or cob, which makes the floor and ceiling less distinct at small scale, probably)
Yu De, a young man with a lost past who struggled to make ends meet, was transmigrated into a game world where he had to follow every mission assigned by the system. He was told that his fate was destined to die for world progression, with the promise that he...
Nina is a young priestess who has just begun her journeys through the highlands, ancient home of the Clans. But unknown powers are scheming in the darkness, and everything falls apart when the barbaric Northmen suddenly come looking for her. Being too weak to fight, she will have to resort...
When I was reincarnated into the world of an otome game as the villainess, I finally thought to myself,「it's my time to shine!」 Doomed engagement with the handsome Prince? Check. Heroine hates my guts and wishes me dead? Yup, check. Family willing to betray me at a moment's notice?...
docs.google.com
