Torn Between Two Options

[SummerSweetTea]

So I am being presented with two separate thoughts here and I am on the fence on how I feel about it. There are two different places where this can apply in the story I am currently writing...

Gemstone Princess: The Rise of Amalia

Gemstone Princess: The Rise of Amalia is a magical adventure that takes Amalia from the non-magical world of Elca to the magical Lita. When a dark curse crosses the boundaries between worlds and impacts Amalia's village, she learns that the curse is looking for her. The only way to stop...

www.scribblehub.com

I will try and make this make as much sense as possible under the assumption you haven't read my story. But it might help if you did read the first couple of chapters.

Scenario One:

Current Story: Amalia's (MC) best friend, Samara, confesses her love for Amalia. Samara is under an immense amount of stress and she feels she has no choice but to tell Amalia her feelings. Amalia has only ever seen Samara as a friend. She is taken aback but accepts Samara's feelings. They share an intimate afternoon. Samara "dies" afterward. Amalia goes on a journey to thusly save Samara but Samara herself is not featured for the foreseeable future. Future relationships for Amalia are all male/female but she is motivated heavily by Samara, especially early on.

Alternative Story: Samara confesses her love for Amalia but Amalia, who has only ever seen Samara as a friend, awkwardly but kindly rejects her. This is very painful for both of them... Samara is obviously hurt but Amalia feels bad for hurting her. The next morning Samara "dies" (it's a curse that causes a death-like state). Obviously, Amalia is full of guilt. She still goes on the journey to save Samara but instead of being propelled by her newly found love of Samara, she is motivated by this guilt and feels like she must save Samara to right this wrong.

As it is currently, I am getting a lot of feedback to add a girls love genre tag but I'm hesitant to do this because I don't want to attract readers hoping for a female relationship dynamic when that isn't how things end up. But, also I don't want to drop a same-sex scene on someone who doesn't want to read that, either. Amalia does love Samara deeply but it isn't romantic. She does grapple with this distinction in a later chapter (not posted) but for the first several chapters as they are written, she does begin to believe she is in love with Samara. I'm not sure which I like better as an early motivation for Amalia. They are both powerful emotions. She is already feeling a terrible weight and guilt on her shoulders because she learns the curse only exists because someone is using it to look for her. So guilt is there already, regardless.

Scenario Two:

Current Story: Amalia travels to the magical world after learning the source of the curse. She lands in a town where an underground resistance is headquartered. They are supporters of her family line and wish to see her return to the throne, which would in turn end the curse on Samara. Although she doesn't reveal her true identity right away, she is welcomed into the family of the leader of this society. This ultimately sets her up with a solid companion to travel with and to teach her about this world.

Alternative Story: Amalia travels to the magical world but does not immediately find the Society. She is lost/confused/in danger in this new world. The potential meeting here is with a character who is introduced later on in the story. He is the son of the woman who cast the curse. Or, perhaps she doesn't meet any of the other main characters early on and has some time alone, adjusting to the world by herself.

I've gotten some early feedback that it's a little too convenient that the town Amalia lands in just so happens to be the home of her biggest allies. She will meet these people regardless and the interactions between them would be more or less the same no matter when they meet but is it beneficial to Amalia's personal journey to have some struggle when she first makes it to this new, magical world? She does struggle even though she is lucky in meeting the Society but it would be a different set of struggles entirely. Should she meet the secondary male lead before she meets the primary male lead? Would that be confusing for readers if the main male lead gets swapped a few chapters in or would it serve to build the tension on her romantic choices? The secondary male lead does not go away and is quite relevant to the story.

Thoughts? Anything I can expand on that might help me choose what path to follow?

Thanks

 

[Succubiome]

Scenario One:

Current Story: Amalia's (MC) best friend, Samara, confesses her love for Amalia. Samara is under an immense amount of stress and she feels she has no choice but to tell Amalia her feelings. Amalia has only ever seen Samara as a friend. She is taken aback but accepts Samara's feelings. They share an intimate afternoon. Samara "dies" afterward. Amalia goes on a journey to thusly save Samara but Samara herself is not featured for the foreseeable future. Future relationships for Amalia are all male/female but she is motivated heavily by Samara, especially early on.

Alternative Story: Samara confesses her love for Amalia but Amalia, who has only ever seen Samara as a friend, awkwardly but kindly rejects her. This is very painful for both of them... Samara is obviously hurt but Amalia feels bad for hurting her. The next morning Samara "dies" (it's a curse that causes a death-like state). Obviously, Amalia is full of guilt. She still goes on the journey to save Samara but instead of being propelled by her newly found love of Samara, she is motivated by this guilt and feels like she must save Samara to right this wrong.

As it is currently, I am getting a lot of feedback to add a girls love genre tag but I'm hesitant to do this because I don't want to attract readers hoping for a female relationship dynamic when that isn't how things end up. But, also I don't want to drop a same-sex scene on someone who doesn't want to read that, either. Amalia does love Samara deeply but it isn't romantic. She does grapple with this distinction in a later chapter (not posted) but for the first several chapters as they are written, she does begin to believe she is in love with Samara. I'm not sure which I like better as an early motivation for Amalia. They are both powerful emotions. She is already feeling a terrible weight and guilt on her shoulders because she learns the curse only exists because someone is using it to look for her. So guilt is there already, regardless.

I wouldn't put a girl's love tag if you don't want to attract readers looking for it.

People will build up their hopes and get disappointed regardless, but there's no reason to increase that.

Scenario Two:

Current Story: Amalia travels to the magical world after learning the source of the curse. She lands in a town where an underground resistance is headquartered. They are supporters of her family line and wish to see her return to the throne, which would in turn end the curse on Samara. Although she doesn't reveal her true identity right away, she is welcomed into the family of the leader of this society. This ultimately sets her up with a solid companion to travel with and to teach her about this world.

Alternative Story: Amalia travels to the magical world but does not immediately find the Society. She is lost/confused/in danger in this new world. The potential meeting here is with a character who is introduced later on in the story. He is the son of the woman who cast the curse. Or, perhaps she doesn't meet any of the other main characters early on and has some time alone, adjusting to the world by herself

I've gotten some early feedback that it's a little too convenient that the town Amalia lands in just so happens to be the home of her biggest allies. She will meet these people regardless and the interactions between them would be more or less the same no matter when they meet but is it beneficial to Amalia's personal journey to have some struggle when she first makes it to this new, magical world? She does struggle even though she is lucky in meeting the Society but it would be a different set of struggles entirely.

What're the themes of the story you're aiming for, if any?

Or I suppose: what're you trying to do with the story in general? What're your goals here?

Should she meet the secondary male lead before she meets the primary male lead? Would that be confusing for readers if the main male lead gets swapped a few chapters in or would it serve to build the tension on her romantic choices? The secondary male lead does not go away and is quite relevant to the story.

I don't think first boy/girl wins should be inevitable, but you will probably get some friction for it.

For what purpose are you writing?

 

[SummerSweetTea]

I wouldn't put a girl's love tag if you don't want to attract readers looking for it.

People will build up their hopes and get disappointed regardless, but there's no reason to increase that.



What're the themes of the story you're aiming for, if any?

Or I suppose: what're you trying to do with the story in general? What're your goals here?



I don't think first boy/girl wins should be inevitable, but you will probably get some friction for it.

For what purpose are you writing?

The ultimate goal is to tell Amalia's story, how she faces the truth about who she is, and what is expected of her. Her journey to discover this part of herself that was denied to her because of someone's vendetta against her family... choices she'll make which will impact her personal future but the future of the entirety of the world she's found herself in.

I'm writing because I want to tell this story, I guess. Obviously, I hope someone else enjoys it and I'd love for something to come of it, as I've always enjoyed writing. But I don't have much in the way of crazy expectations.

 

[Succubiome]

The ultimate goal is to tell Amalia's story, how she faces the truth about who she is, and what is expected of her. Her journey to discover this part of herself that was denied to her because of someone's vendetta against her family... choices she'll make which will impact her personal future but the future of the entirety of the world she's found herself in.

I'm writing because I want to tell this story, I guess. Obviously, I hope someone else enjoys it and I'd love for something to come of it, as I've always enjoyed writing. But I don't have much in the way of crazy expectations.

Tell the story the way you want to, then!

This story is for you, and people who happen to enjoy reading it are a bonus, right?

Try not to actively mislead people, but also don't base what you write around reader expectations, and doubly so don't base your story around imagined expectations about what readers might want.

 

[Cipiteca396]

Current Story: Amalia's (MC) best friend, Samara, confesses her love for Amalia. Samara is under an immense amount of stress and she feels she has no choice but to tell Amalia her feelings. Amalia has only ever seen Samara as a friend. She is taken aback but accepts Samara's feelings. They share an intimate afternoon. Samara "dies" afterward. Amalia goes on a journey to thusly save Samara but Samara herself is not featured for the foreseeable future. Future relationships for Amalia are all male/female but she is motivated heavily by Samara, especially early on.

I find it extremely difficult to imagine 'giving up' on an incapacitated loved one like this. If I were in a relationship with someone who was alive and out of my reach, I would never even consider starting a new relationship with someone else. And I'm the one saying that, which might not mean much to you, but is important.

I do not like the idea of 'going all the way' with Samara and then backing out without being able to tell her why.

If love is her primary motivation for crossing the worlds, then giving up on that love is the same as giving up on the world.

Alternative Story: Samara confesses her love for Amalia but Amalia, who has only ever seen Samara as a friend, awkwardly but kindly rejects her. This is very painful for both of them... Samara is obviously hurt but Amalia feels bad for hurting her. The next morning Samara "dies" (it's a curse that causes a death-like state). Obviously, Amalia is full of guilt. She still goes on the journey to save Samara but instead of being propelled by her newly found love of Samara, she is motivated by this guilt and feels like she must save Samara to right this wrong.

Between the two plots as written, this is infinitely better in my eyes. I'd prefer an ending where she wakes up Samara all Sleeping Beauty style, but if that's not in the cards, It's better to know from the start instead of being confused when the actual love interest shows up.

Current Story: Amalia travels to the magical world after learning the source of the curse. She lands in a town where an underground resistance is headquartered. They are supporters of her family line and wish to see her return to the throne, which would in turn end the curse on Samara. Although she doesn't reveal her true identity right away, she is welcomed into the family of the leader of this society. This ultimately sets her up with a solid companion to travel with and to teach her about this world.

As I said before, there's nothing wrong perse with this plot. Most childrens' stories would follow this script and be perfectly fine with it. You could even justify it in universe by claiming it was Destiny, though that will alter the message of your story somewhat.

Basically, use this option if you want to get to the end of the story quicker, and you don't want to overclock the readers over irrelevant things like 'world-building' or people doubting her, suspecting each other, so on.

Alternative Story: Amalia travels to the magical world but does not immediately find the Society. She is lost/confused/in danger in this new world. The potential meeting here is with a character who is introduced later on in the story. He is the son of the woman who cast the curse. Or, perhaps she doesn't meet any of the other main characters early on and has some time alone, adjusting to the world by herself.

The best thing that can be said about this version, is it gives her something to do with those hunting skills that you told us about with the butcher. You can show us how competent Amalia is in an environment that she's somewhat familiar with, before throwing her out of her depth with strange cultures and strange magic.

Basically, use this option if you want to focus on Amalia's character, her feelings(which will be front and center in her mind without other people to distract her) and then on the world itself, which we'll learn about through her tactile experiences instead of being told about them by a native.

I've gotten some early feedback that it's a little too convenient that the town Amalia lands in just so happens to be the home of her biggest allies. She will meet these people regardless and the interactions between them would be more or less the same no matter when they meet but is it beneficial to Amalia's personal journey to have some struggle when she first makes it to this new, magical world? She does struggle even though she is lucky in meeting the Society but it would be a different set of struggles entirely. Should she meet the secondary male lead before she meets the primary male lead? Would that be confusing for readers if the main male lead gets swapped a few chapters in or would it serve to build the tension on her romantic choices? The secondary male lead does not go away and is quite relevant to the story.

Neither option is wrong. Frankly, you could mix and match them as well, having her meet the Society and then get separated by the Queen's men, or by having your edgey boy introduce her directly to the Society.

As for order of love interests... Well, it doesn't matter much at this point. Assuming you go with the current thing with Samara, then either male lead will be 'second' no matter which gets introduced first. You'll just have to make sure you give the 'correct' answer the best chemistry.

Ah, come to think of it. Maybe the 'half-spoiler' the other person mentioned in the other thread should be about the male lead. Hinting at him in the synopsis would alleviate a few of the problems you have.

 

[SummerSweetTea]

I am very much leaning towards rewriting the scene with Samara to be a gentle rejection because the more I think on it, it just seems like the more natural response. In Amalia's defense though, as written it is very confusing and difficult for her as she realizes she likes main boy. She really struggles with having had that moment with Samara and then finding comfort in someone else's arms... so she's not entirely flippant and unaware that it's kind of a bitch move.

I'm still torn on the second thing though. I am working on a part of the story where she basically decides to leave after main boy learns some stuff about her that she wasn't ready for... it's clunky right now but I'm thinking I do like the idea of her spending some time alone but also not entirely rewriting everything in the first 6-8 chapters lol

 

[SummerSweetTea]

Giving this a little boost to say I completely redid the chapters with my MC and her best friend. I expanded on their friendship and changed the reaction the MC has to her friends confession. I ended up adding a lot but I like it. It may still need some work as it's the first go at these new scenes but I think I do like it a lot better.

I also have revisited my magic system and world history and given it quite the tweak.

Gemstone Princess: The Rise of Amalia

Gemstone Princess: The Rise of Amalia is a magical adventure that takes Amalia from the non-magical world of Elca to the magical Lita. When a dark curse crosses the boundaries between worlds and impacts Amalia's village, she learns that the curse is looking for her. The only way to stop...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Cipiteca396]

It turned out pretty well.