Writing Tips for Describing Emotions?

[Assurbanipal_II]

But did you know that she knew that you knew that she would know that you knew she would know that you would know when you knew that she had know you would have know and also knew that she would figure that you knew and she knew when you knew she would know that you know that she knew that you deduced that you know and so knew she would deduce that you would know she would know that you knew that you both know and now I don't know.

But if you knew that she knew that you knew that she would know and figured you would know she knew you would know but then you knew and what if you didn't know and she didn't know and who knows anything anymore

I know. Isn't it wonderful?

 

[Typing...]

I have only scratched the surface in my own comprehensions. Still, I will do my best to convey what I have understood about conveying emotions.

There are different styles when it comes to emoting with words.

Direct emoting: "I am happy." He said happily.

Descriptive emoting: Thump, his breathing shudders, "R-really?" Flushed, he can't bring himself to make eye contact anymore.

Active emoting: Wham! His fist caves through the wall, drywall and pink insulation spills out. "Bastard!"

Indirect emoting: It's dark, the air dank with manly musk. The only glow comes from the monitor, while the speakers blare out the latest k-pop single. The floor's strewn with stacks of plastic instant noodle cups and towers of pizza boxes. Dirty clothes and empty energy drink cans landscape the carpet while ants brave through a sea of crushed cheese puffs and cat hair. The only clean area in the entire room is the well maintained shelves of anime figures on the far wall.

Emotions are an emotional experience, from what I've experienced. When emotions are involved so too does pacing slow down. It's like a fight scene. A quick and dirty punch and done doesn't really mean much compared to a exhausting bloody tumble in the mud. But it's also a release. To suddenly go from 0 to a hundred isn't as satisfying as the tense building, anticipation rising, heart pumping, until finally!

Emotions are also about context. Without the appropriate investments no one will be sad when Mark falls into a depression until we see him be happy first.

Emotions are about the actions they cause. When Mark suddenly snaps and beats his abusive father to death with a hatsune miku figurine, it means so much more. Because it has consequences. High stakes hurt more cause there is an equally deep pit.

Hope this helps. I'm still figuring this out myself.

 

[EternalSunset0]

Thanks for all the help! Just woke up and still feeling woozy so I'll go through the tips one by one later.

 

[EternalSunset0]

I have only scratched the surface in my own comprehensions. Still, I will do my best to convey what I have understood about conveying emotions.

There are different styles when it comes to emoting with words.

Direct emoting: "I am happy." He said happily.

Descriptive emoting: Thump, his breathing shudders, "R-really?" Flushed, he can't bring himself to make eye contact anymore.

Active emoting: Wham! His fist caves through the wall, drywall and pink insulation spills out. "Bastard!"

Indirect emoting: It's dark, the air dank with manly musk. The only glow comes from the monitor, while the speakers blare out the latest k-pop single. The floor's strewn with stacks of plastic instant noodle cups and towers of pizza boxes. Dirty clothes and empty energy drink cans landscape the carpet while ants brave through a sea of crushed cheese puffs and cat hair. The only clean area in the entire room is the well maintained shelves of anime figures on the far wall.

Emotions are an emotional experience, from what I've experienced. When emotions are involved so too does pacing slow down. It's like a fight scene. A quick and dirty punch and done doesn't really mean much compared to a exhausting bloody tumble in the mud. But it's also a release. To suddenly go from 0 to a hundred isn't as satisfying as the tense building, anticipation rising, heart pumping, until finally!

Emotions are also about context. Without the appropriate investments no one will be sad when Mark falls into a depression until we see him be happy first.

Emotions are about the actions they cause. When Mark suddenly snaps and beats his abusive father to death with a hatsune miku figurine, it means so much more. Because it has consequences. High stakes hurt more cause there is an equally deep pit.

Hope this helps. I'm still figuring this out myself.

I think I like Descriptive the most among those. Not sure if it works the best, but I like it the most.

Thanks for the experience insight too

 

[EternalSunset0]

Hmmm...

In my writing groups, there was a rule of "The stronger the emotion, the fewer words to describe it" -- but tbh I don't fully know where this advice comes from.

I think they mean that the truly strong emotions are simple and hit you like a train, full-speed. So to simulate the impact through writing to immerse the reader, they advise to keep it short, clear, and to the point. (Immense grief, rage, and shock are the best examples of what they usually talked about).

While the subtler emotions can go longer, with more in-depth descriptions to show off facets and a greater reliance on IM. (Literally every other emotion combo would fit this mode better and you won't be too repetitive because subtle emotions consist of combinations of several simpler ones).

Also beware of relying too much on physical descriptors of the body. They start feeling meaningless after a while and many readers skip them ?. A lot of physical descriptions associated with certain feelings are vague and can apply to any combination of emotions: like,

Spoiler: Examples

"clench fist" -- decisiveness, anger, futility, frustration, shame, grief, joy
"bite lip" -- seduction, doubt, frustration, anger, worry, anxiety, playfulness
"quickened breath/pulse" -- arousal, anger, panic, fear, horror, excitement, anguish, hesitation, etc

They always need the Tell to give them meaning and thus I usually only use them to punctuate the Tell+IM sections to break up the pace and improve the cadence. But NEVER on their own.

And I agree with @Kldran: Inner Monologue to the rescue to avoid repetitions and to immerse the reader better!

Well-placed deep thoughts of a character can sometimes gut me so raw they sound.

Also -- "gut" ^^. A good word for describing emotions in a concise and impactful way! Verbs like "gutted", "speared", "stabbed", "tore through", raked", "ached", "surged" get the point across quickly but also pack a punch because they are such strong words. People rarely use them unless they mean them.

This is really helpful. Now that I think about it, I felt like actually got into this funk because I finally realized that I was somehow overusing the body descriptions and wanted to stop. It has become a crutch of sorts for me to "show" emotion when a person has no one to interact with or no environment to describe to show emotion.

 

[EternalSunset0]

I'm a bit curious too. I'm still pretty new to writing and I definitely feel like my character writing and emotions might be a weaker point for me? idk.

Also doesn't help I'm writing in multiple POV, from the first person for the main character and a couple of side chars, to 3rd person for some interactions.

Here is a recent except in 1st person from Lilith's narration. Edit: Anxiety is meant to permeate the scene

Spoiler: Story Excerpt: Anxious Lilith before breaking into the 'Party'

As I open my eyes I take another deep breath, exhaling slowly, I look down at my arms, holding them outward in front of me, and verify that I can turn them into the tentacle arms with sword blades. As they quickly shift form and two blades sit before my eyes, I can’t help but cackle softly at the ridiculous creation I have become.

Shifting my arms back to normal, I calmly walk up to the door, continuing to take my slow deep breaths. Trying to reassure myself, I open my status briefly and stare at the words ‘Vampiric Succubus,’ before looking over my abilities once more, I haven’t investigated them all yet, but seeing all this cool sounding stuff feels reassuring. “You got this Lilith,” I whisper to myself as I exhale another deep breath slowly. I pretend not to notice that my age is now 5 days, 2 hours, and 44 minutes, not wanting to accept how much time I’ve likely wasted before reaching this point.

I step in front of the locking mechanism with the 11 switches that can be turned on and off to unlock the door. I try to squash a moment of panic as I wonder if I remember the combination correctly. With another deep breath, I try to recall the code I recited in my mind previously, with a whisper I begin, “6th, 7th, 9th, Eleve— fuck. What was it?”

I tap my foot as I try to remember, I can recall it seemed to rhyme a bit so it should be rather easy, but I already forgot, gah! Curse my shitty memory! How do spies do that whole, here are your instructions, oh, good luck, they’re self destructing, bye! I’m out! *YEET My imagination shows me a cartoon of an anthropomorphized tape recorder lighting itself on fire and jumping out of a window while yelling.

My deep breaths pick up in pace as I fight off the panic, “Ok, Ok, O! K! Lilith,” I say to myself in a loud whisper, “it’s fine, everything is fine, you got this, you CAN remember, one, two, three, go! Uh… erm… ah! 1st, 3rd, Fifth— no, 6th, 7th, 9th, 11th…? Let’s hope, 1st, 3rd, Fi— 6th! 7th, 9th, 11th!” I finish confidently.

With another deep breath, I reach out to the mechanism, and begin pulling the small levers for the switches, I grab the first, and begin to pull it to the right, I can hear some movement in the mechanism and a click. I grab and pull the third to the right, with the same noises as the first.

Next, I put my hand on the fifth… and curse myself, “Stupid!” before moving to the sixth lever, pulling it to the right, I follow up with the seventh, the ninth, each with the same noises as the first. Finally, I reach out slowly and put my hand on the eleventh lever, with another deep breath, I pull it to the right.

Here's a recent except with some emotional stuff in written in 3rd person during one scene.

Spoiler: Story Excerpt: Lilith's Second Meeting with Izanami

Lilith could feel her heart beginning to race as she offered up her next question, “What are you expecting of me here?”

Izanami’s expression became warmer as she spoke sweetly, “My Dear, you need not concern yourself for now.”

Lilith’s anxiety rose to match her quickened heartbeat, as she began to speak “But I am concerned, I know nothing about anything, I can’t speak to anyone to learn, the RPG system won’t give me spells, where do I even get this ‘training’ I need? Worse yet, people tried to kill me, some maniac wants to experiment on me. I have no idea how to use most of my abilities, there’s barely a paragraph for most of them and some are just garbled text. I feel completely unprepared for anything!” She was breathing very heavily now, after her rant she was clearly agitated.

Looking at Lilith with a smile across her face, Izanami took another puff of her pipe and simply responded, “I see.”

Lilith felt angry, she understood that she was meant to be used, she was going to be Izanami’s tool, she didn’t really care, it was better than being in that hell of reliving her murder, but the anger, and frustration of it all, her past life, the murder, this world, feeling like a clueless toy, it erupted from her before she realized it, she found herself standing over the table, her claws ripped into the table as she slashed at the tray of fancy snacks, scattering them into the void.

“Mmhmhmhm, the passionate rage within your heart is exceptional, my dear,” Izanami chuckled as Lilith continued to stand there maintaining her angry posture while breathing heavily.

She stood there a moment, facing an unfazed Izanami who simply took another puff from her pipe. Further frustrated by Izanami’s continued nonchalant attitude, Lilith growls, “Use me how you like but be honest with me!”

Idk, maybe I did something good that can help, or maybe I'm an example of what not to do.. hah.. either way, you can learn from my stupidness I hope. And maybe I can pick up a thing or two here.

On the show vs tell thing, I've been trying to do more showing, I'm sure my first chapters were much heavier on the "tell"
Edit: Also sure I still suck at it weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I actually appreciate how you can describe a simple act in such intricate ways, as seen in your quotes, plus how "dynamic" the self-talks seem to be, which I can't really master. Keep it up. Looking forward to getting back to your story soon

 

[Freesia.Cutepearl]

I actually appreciate how you can describe a simple act in such intricate ways, as seen in your quotes, plus how "dynamic" the self-talks seem to be, which I can't really master. Keep it up. Looking forward to getting back to your story soon

 

[Fox-Trot-9]

Besides describing body and using active verbs, you can also consider using interiority. Basically, 'interiority' is the character's thoughts, feelings, and reactions to a given situation. I'll give examples for you (and anyone else on here) to see what I mean.

1. You can do this by using thought-tags with italicized thoughts and action beats:

ex: Yeah, right. You'd think I'd fall for that? Detective Charles thought and gave his fidgeting captive a long and hard look. "Don't even think about lying."

2. Or you can use thought-tags with direct description of what the character's thinking with active words:

ex: Detective Charles gave his fidgeting captive a long and hard look, knowing that he was BSing his way out of the situation like a murder suspect about to get sweated hard for a crime he knew he committed. He glared at the man and said, "Don't even think about lying."

3. Or you can go full-on deep POV by literally showing what's going on in the character's mind:

ex: Detective Charles gave his fidgeting captive a long and hard look, deciding whether or not he should sweat the guy into confessing to a crime he knew he committed. He knew he was lying just from observing the way he paused in the middle of his explanation. He knew he was lying the same way he knew that something terrible had happened to his daughter when he picked up the phone yesterday at work and listened to his wife sob into the receiver that their daughter had not returned from her graduation party with her friends, that her friends told her that a strange man in a gray sweater and jeans had been loitering around during the party. Thus started the longest 24 hours of his life, which would now end with that same man wearing the same gray sweater and jeans fidgeting in his chair before him, sweating at the temples and looking at the barrel of his gun aimed at point-blank range in the center of his chest. He would either confess or die.

He glared at the man and said, "Don't even think about lying."

I tend to use the third example and go full-on deep POV, which can create tension and suspense and drama, depending on what you're trying to show in the scene and how you're trying to show it.

Hope this helps!