Thoughts on Synopsis

[MR_Ethan]

You're in a library and pick up my book and read this synopsis. Do you bring the book home with you? And does it make you 'care'

"How do you want to be remembered?"

Thousands of years ago, during the Age of Adventurers, the phrase lingered over a smiling sorceress before an entire generation mysteriously vanished, including her. Now, whatever happened to this 'Lost Generation', is reversing.. And pieces from it have fell into the world bringing to light many new creatures, dungeons, and artifacts into its first victim, the country of Dracuhstone. Where it has been contained underneath the world's noses.

Meanwhile, years after her death, Ashley's eighteen year old, Arash, rushes through an achromatic Archery Festival. Zorion, his best friend with a coloring contrast, is left in a mysterious dilemma to go back to his war-ridden home-country with Arash. And determined to carve their existence into their world, the two boys venture from their home, Giastone, into the depths of calamity known as Dracuhstone. But what of The Lost Generation? And why has a whole country stayed silent? How can they even think of orbs when such disaster adorns the land.

"This.. Is the story you started, is it not?"

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

It feels wordy and needs to be condensed down a bit.

In my opinion, leave the exposition of the story to the story. Usually, in the synopsis, you'd introduce the MC and where the story is headed. This has to hook the reader into wanting to know more about the story.

Of course, this is all opinion-based. But for me, I've learned the more you leave for the imagination, the more it will hook the reader. Most people won't read two paragraphs before they click away.

I learned this after many trials and errors and still, I'm not perfect, but I try.

I'll give one of my future stories as an example:

After being whisked away into another world, from one cruel existence to another, Sylvia finds herself in front of a demon lord. He only has one command for her.

"Be my bride."


Hope it helps!

 

[AdOtherwise]

You're in a library and pick up my book and read this synopsis. Do you bring the book home with you? And does it make you 'care'

"How do you want to be remembered?"

Thousands of years ago, during the Age of Adventurers, the phrase lingered over a smiling sorceress before an entire generation mysteriously vanished, including her. Now, whatever happened to this 'Lost Generation', is reversing.. And pieces from it have fell into the world bringing to light many new creatures, dungeons, and artifacts into its first victim, the country of Dracuhstone. Where it has been contained underneath the world's noses.

Meanwhile, years after her death, Ashley's eighteen year old, Arash, rushes through an achromatic Archery Festival. Zorion, his best friend with a coloring contrast, is left in a mysterious dilemma to go back to his war-ridden home-country with Arash. And determined to carve their existence into their world, the two boys venture from their home, Giastone, into the depths of calamity known as Dracuhstone. But what of The Lost Generation? And why has a whole country stayed silent? How can they even think of orbs when such disaster adorns the land.

"This.. Is the story you started, is it not?"

Up to the first paragraph is good. The stuff in the second paragraph should be summarized and explained in the first chapter or a prologue. Otherwise, I was interested by the first paragraph, keep it and then add a bit more mystery to hook readers. But that's my opinion.

 

[J_Chemist]

• Some minor grammar issues that made me hiccup when reading it. The story concept didn't really catch me but it sounds interesting.
  
  
• The 'Thousands of Years Ago' part is pretty old and I don't think it needs to be that long, otherwise I can understand why so much of it is forgotten information. A thousand years is a long time.
  
  
• Some of the wording is odd and the 'reversal' sounds strange. That's definitely a hook piece because I'm curious as to whether the world itself is just remaking what was broken, or if shit's just appearing all over the place.
  
  
• The second paragraph, while good to introduce some characters and hook us into 'Their' story, is wordy and I have no idea what's happening or who is what. I would rewrite this part, or cut it out and focus on the World Picture.
  
  
• Also, it sounds like there's two plot lines going on here. First, the Generation going missing. Second, the Orbs. In your summary, the Orbs pops up almost like a shoe-in. It's not mentioned anywhere else nor is it explained and I'm actually less interested in that and more interested in the missing Adventurers based on how you've written the summary. My expectation of this story would be a sort of dungeon-run or a big adventure of those two MCs getting into mischief over the lost equipment coming back. Opening the book and getting Orb stuff would be a bit of whiplash for me and if the plot centers more around those orbs than the adventuring stuff, I'd probably drop it.

 

[MR_Ethan]

• Some minor grammar issues that made me hiccup when reading it. The story concept didn't really catch me but it sounds interesting.
  
  
• The 'Thousands of Years Ago' part is pretty old and I don't think it needs to be that long, otherwise I can understand why so much of it is forgotten information. A thousand years is a long time.
  
  
• Some of the wording is odd and the 'reversal' sounds strange. That's definitely a hook piece because I'm curious as to whether the world itself is just remaking what was broken, or if shit's just appearing all over the place.
  
  
• The second paragraph, while good to introduce some characters and hook us into 'Their' story, is wordy and I have no idea what's happening or who is what. I would rewrite this part, or cut it out and focus on the World Picture.
  
  
• Also, it sounds like there's two plot lines going on here. First, the Generation going missing. Second, the Orbs. In your summary, the Orbs pops up almost like a shoe-in. It's not mentioned anywhere else nor is it explained and I'm actually less interested in that and more interested in the missing Adventurers based on how you've written the summary. My expectation of this story would be a sort of dungeon-run or a big adventure of those two MCs getting into mischief over the lost equipment coming back. Opening the book and getting Orb stuff would be a bit of whiplash for me and if the plot centers more around those orbs than the adventuring stuff, I'd probably drop it.

The Lost Generation is the biggest obstacle in the novel FOR THE CHARACTERS.. (And sometimes me). Why would anyone care about orbs when such a world changing event is erupting? I do agree with how it looks like a shoe-in. I could go about remaking that second paragraph..
The reason the first paragraph is there is because that is the most straightforward elaboration of what is happening with The Lost Generation. And I think only one or two characters in the novel even know about this 'sorceress'. She's vague because the story isn't about her, it's about the aftermath of whatever happened. I am still wondering about the 'Thousands of Years ago' bit.. I eventually plan on making spin offs with that entire catastrophe.. I might change the wording.

Picking up the book, you already know it's something about 'Orbs'. But then my goal for the synopsis was to redirect the reader to everything else going on. It's true, how could you just focus on these orbs. Why are they important enough to be the title?

 

[MR_Ethan]

It's more of a synopsis than the actual story.Your trying to write the Simirlarian,but none of us are JR Tolkien.

You’re gonna have to elaborate on that