This Too Much For Synopsis?

[TreasureHouse]

Edit: Great, now that I accidentally posted this mAXIUM STRESSS

I don't know if I put too much of the wrong details and too little of the right.

Or is it passable? Or should I not worry, and instead be spamming an AI image generator until a busty waifu fries my neurons?

After all, from what I've seen browsing the latest series for the past month or so, it appears that popular tags + busty waifu pic immediately yields 50+ readers... right?

Spoiler: Synopsis

Edward, a struggling Scamazon worker, spends most of his free time and money on the recently released PvEvOP game Space Blood Z. This revolutionary CO-OP Extraction Real Time Strategy Shooter Hybrid, crafted by Spearhead Studios, offers the ultimate community and individual experience.
Together, players are tasked with conquering habitable planets to provide resources and new races for their faction. Meanwhile, they must manage their expendable infantry, ship/fleet, and research personal tech trees.

However, missions in Space Blood are dangerous; when characters die, they are dead. Therefore, to keep fighting, individuals are encouraged to collect new races and breed characters to bolster their numbers, enhance their attributes, or create hybrids that suit their playstyle. Or they can plunder other players for both resources and manpower.

Edward leads a splinter faction called Rare Breed, a subsidiary of Femini. Composed mainly of seasoned fighters and heavily invested Breeders, Rare Breed does most of Femini's dirty work in a long-standing war with one of the more prominent factions: Fur(r)Y. A faction of furry Gooners that take pride in stealing and corrupting other people's bloodlines. Rare Breed provides interference for Femini on all contested and neutral planets.

Unfortunately for Edward, his combat prowess is not the best. The most Edward will do is intimidate low level cyber wolf raiders in the neutral zone. However, his extensive breeding facilities provide valuable fodder to keep Rare Breed running. Outside of faction duties, Edward spends his play time curating a private collection of Dommy waifus and husbandos.

However, all that changes when Edward introduces a Coworker to Space Blood Z. Little does he know that this seemingly innocent act will set off a chain of events that will turn his world upside down.

Edward awakens in the rubble of a crash landing on an unknown world. The UI is different, and of course, there is no way to log out. More importantly, there's no cash shop, leaving Edward to navigate this new world with only his wits and lack luster game skills.

A costly mistake makes Edward's journey all the more difficult. He must now share a body, or his consciousness will be lost to the ethereal force that permeates the mysterious land. Edward must work with his ragtag group of breeding rejects to find their way back to reality.

Also for those curious of the genres and tags.

I mean, I'd like to hear feedback it too Please be gentle. It's my first time, senpai

Spoiler: boink

Planned Genres: Action, Adult, Comedy, Fantasy, Gender Bender, Isekai, Litrpg, Sc-fi

Planned main: Litrpg

Planeed Tags: Bloodlines, Boys love sub-plot, Brain Washing, Corruption, Cosplay, Dungeons, Elves, Futanari, Game elements, Genetic Modifications, Girl's love Subplot, Goblins, Gore, Guilds, Master-Servant relationship, Mind Control, Multi POV, Multi Protagonists, Possession, Rape, Romantic Subplot, Sharing a body, Slow growth at the start, Transgender, Weak Protagonist, Zombies.



Hmmm... maybe there should be an NTR and Harem tag?

I know there are eye rolling tag combos. But, Trust me I'm not like those other writers... or maybe I am...

Bleh brain is fried from stressing out over this

 

[LilRora]

Flat out too long for a synopsis, I can tell without even reading it.

After skimming it, I'd say it's too descriptive. Too many details that would better be revealed later in the story itself. You're hitting your potential readers with a lot of information that isn't relevant to them - it will be if they start reading, but it isn't really something that would attract them to a story.

You should give people only key details in the synopsis, so they might read to learn more. It's fine to describe the background, but it shouldn't take more than two, maybe three paragraphs because that's what it is - background information that doesn't directly contribute to the story.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

I've seen first chapters with less detail... which may reflect more on those chapters than the synopsis...
Personally, I try to use the synopsis as a short pitch that hints at but does not directly give spoilers.

Edward, a struggling Scamazon worker, spends most of his free time and money on the recently released PvEvOP game Space Blood Z. This revolutionary CO-OP Extraction Real Time Strategy Shooter Hybrid, crafted by Spearhead Studios, offers the ultimate community and individual experience.
Together, players are tasked with conquering habitable planets to provide resources and new races for their faction. Meanwhile, they must manage their expendable infantry, ship/fleet, and research personal tech trees.

Maybe something more like:

Edward is a struggling office worker who spends most of his non-working time and money in the hardcore, cut-throat PvEvOP game "Space Blood Z," a game designed to produce the ultimate in both community and Indvidual experiences.
In the game, Edward leads a faction called "Rare Breed", but, unfortunately, he lacks combat prowess of his own, and thus focuses on cultivating breeding farms.
At least, until he introduces a Coworker to Space Blood Z, a seemingly innocent act that will set off a chain of events that turns his world upside down and results with him crash landing on an unknown world, with a different UI ... and no way to log out.
Now he must unite a band of misfits and rejects and try to find a way to escape back into the real world - or die trying.

 

[TreasureHouse]

I've seen first chapters with less detail... which may reflect more on those chapters than the synopsis...
Personally, I try to use the synopsis as a short pitch that hints at but does not directly give spoilers.

Maybe something more like:

Edward is a struggling office worker who spends most of his non-working time and money in the hardcore, cut-throat PvEvOP game "Space Blood Z," a game designed to produce the ultimate in both community and Indvidual experiences.
In the game, Edward leads a faction called "Rare Breed", but, unfortunately, he lacks combat prowess of his own, and thus focuses on cultivating breeding farms.
At least, until he introduces a Coworker to Space Blood Z, a seemingly innocent act that will set off a chain of events that turns his world upside down and results with him crash landing on an unknown world, with a different UI ... and no way to log out.
Now he must unite a band of misfits and rejects and try to find a way to escape back into the real world - or die trying.

Yeah that was what I was afraid I was doing.

Thanks, I'll definitely hack it down quite a bit.

Flat out too long for a synopsis, I can tell without even reading it.

After skimming it, I'd say it's too descriptive. Too many details that would better be revealed later in the story itself. You're hitting your potential readers with a lot of information that isn't relevant to them - it will be if they start reading, but it isn't really something that would attract them to a story.

You should give people only key details in the synopsis, so they might read to learn more. It's fine to describe the background, but it shouldn't take more than two, maybe three paragraphs because that's what it is - background information that doesn't directly contribute to the story.

Thank you.

I think I was trying to edit the first five or so chapters while typing this up, and my brain went into summary mode.

A big looming fear that probably fed into this long synopsis was the readers getting baited into something.

Like it started as two paragraphs, but then my brain was like "no they need these details or it's going to be a nasty surprise."

Turns out I shouldn't always listen to that voice in my head.

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

Edward, a struggling Scamazon worker, spends most of his free time and money on the recently released PvEvOP game Space Blood Z. However, missions in there are dangerous; when characters die, they claim the player's life, which leads to a disaster when he ends up sharing a body with blank blank.

To me, that sounds better. The shorter the synopsis, the better it will be. GL!

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Like it started as two paragraphs, but then my brain was like "no they need these details or it's going to be a nasty surprise."

Turns out I shouldn't always listen to that voice in my head.

Sometimes you WANT to spring that surprise on them (like not wanting to reveal a character is a superhero until the character needs to be one in the story). But sometimes it will work against you. It is a tightrope.

 

[Jocelyn_Uasal]

Together, players are tasked with conquering habitable planets to provide resources and new races for their faction. Meanwhile, they must manage their expendable infantry, ship/fleet, and research personal tech trees.

These two sentences should be your synopsis. There's no need to introduce your MC, what they do, who they are, why they are/aren't important and what happens to them.

All I need to know is just the general idea of where the story starts, and where it might go; These two sentences do both of those things. You should be able to say, out-loud, a synopsis in one breath.

Also, unrelated but Scamazon is hilarious 10/10 lmfao

 

[LoneQuack]

Let me phrase it this way... This is a very small first chapter(/prologue) you got here.

 

[Nolff]

Yeah that was what I was afraid I was doing.

Thanks, I'll definitely hack it down quite a bit.

Thank you.

I think I was trying to edit the first five or so chapters while typing this up, and my brain went into summary mode.

A big looming fear that probably fed into this long synopsis was the readers getting baited into something.

Like it started as two paragraphs, but then my brain was like "no they need these details or it's going to be a nasty surprise."

Turns out I shouldn't always listen to that voice in my head.

Synopsis' to tell the reader what is inside the story.

Take a look at mine.

Gunshots rang, blades pierced through flesh, grenades went bang, and the Spaceship went flying.

The Agents successfully extracts from Eden. Some with injuries, some with guilt, and others with PTSD (Except for one).

They take a breath, in and out. They compose themselves, relieved that the nightmares have passed. They even managed to convert one of the denizens of Eden to escape with them, planning to live in peace away from problems.

One of them is severely injured, with some arterial bleeds and fractures. There were no vital parts in danger, however. So, they thought their fight was over and only needed to treat the sickness left from days of infection.

Until... One of them looked outside.

The autopilot was to take them to Vecon-327. But instead..

It's to an old earth.