There are NO bad jokes

[blotchybrothblobs]

One morning, a snake slithered across a rainbow, and with a burst of green light, turned into a boy toting an axe along.

The boy asked a man standing at the edge of the rainbow a question.
"I cut a great, tall tree in an empty forest yesterday, and I left before it fell. But if no one was there to hear it, then did it really make a sound?"

"Yes, it did." The guard replied.

 

[LiteraryWho]

See if I can get myself banned challenge (no slurs, any%)

A sad man walks into a doctors appointment, tells the doctor he wants to kill himself.

Doctor says, "Have you tried turning yourself into a woman?"

The man tries that, but is still sad, so he returns.

The doctor says, "Of course you're sad, everyone hates you and now you look like a clown."

The sad man dies, but not before his health insurance pays the doctor tens of thousands of doctors.

 

[JayMark]

 

[l8rose]

I know that mime....

2 + 2 = Fish

Reminds me of a terrible, terrible joke/meme/poem about Dr. Suess.

"One wife, two wife,
Dead wife, new wife"

Backstory being that he cheated on his wife, who had cancer.


Most of my jokes are not family-friendly. Except my ones like... Where did Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies.

 

[Deleted member 84247]

A vampire walked into a bar.

The bartender asked, "what will you be havin' today?"

The vampire said, "I'll have a bloody Mary."

 

[JayMark]

A vampire walked into a bar.

The bartender asked, "what will you be havin' today?"

The vampire said, "I'll have a bloody Mary."

Joking, it was mega funny!

 

[melchi]

Ooof

 

[RepresentingThree]

what's the opposite of formaldehyde?


casualdejekyll!


What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?


A call from the ethics committee, and immediate revocation of your grant funding.

And now my personal collection of skeleton jokes most of which are written by me.

Spoiler: The jokes.

1. Why did the skeleton that was just a pelvis get along with the Yeti's children?

Because he was HIP with the cool kids!


2. Did you know skeletons get more done while in a calcium bath?

It's because they're in their element!


3. Did I tell you the joke about the skeleton who was just a pelvis?

I did? I knew It was just a waist.


4. You know, the skeleton thought about going to anatomy class, but his heart wasn't in it.


5. Who is a skeleton's favorite musician?

Pelvis!


6. Did you hear about the skeleton who was stuck in a wheelchair?

Turns out he couldn't move a muscle.


7. Why did the skeleton start a fight with another skeleton?

Because he had a bone to pick with him!


8. How did the skeleton get into the safe?

With a skeleton key!


9. Why can't a skeletons receive phone calls?

Because skeletons don't have a cell bone.


10. Two people walk Into a meeting room. A couple hours later two skeletons are walking out, when one turns to the other and says "Man that sure sucked the life out of me."


12. A skeleton couldn't properly take care of his pet dog and it's really been eating at him


13. When a skeleton is bad at playing the guitar, what do you call their music?

Bad to the bone.


14. What do you call a recently traumatized skeleton?

Rattled to the bone!


15. What disorder are skeletons most prone to?

SKULLiosis


16. Did you know skeletons can double as an instrument?

Yes, they're quite good as a xylobone!


17. What is a skeleton's favorite snack?

Spare Ribs!


18. Why are skeletons hard to get along with?

Cause they can't see anything eye to eye.


19. What is it called when a skeleton has a broken haircut

A hairline fracture!


20. You know they wrote a book about that skeleton that was all legs.

They titled it "Tabia Skeleton."


20. Why is the arm the funniest part of a skeleton?

Because that's where the Humerus!


21. What is the sharpest part of a skeleton?

Their shoulder blade.


22. Did you know ancient skeletons would eat candy through their nose?

That's how we got nasal cavities.


23. You can tell a skeleton anything!

After all, it's no skin off their back.


24. What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?

The trombone.


25. What do you call a skeleton with no legs?

It's name, you numbskull!


26. I've got this cautionary tale about playing with old skulls.

Some say it's quite jaw-dropping!


27. Knock knock

Who's there?

Skeleton.

Skeleton who?

No, it's skeleton boo!


28. Why do skeleton conversations take so long?

Because they keep rattling on!


29. Why do skeletons make terrible influencers?

Because all they post is brain rot.


30. Why was the skeleton addicted to gaming?

Because he couldn't get a life.


31. Did you hear about the skeleton that could predict the weather?

Turns out they could feel it in their bones.


32. Skeletons love minimalism.

They usually keep everything pretty bare bones.


33. What do you call a skeleton ding-dong ditch?

A dead ringer.


34. Why did the human stop being friends with the skeleton?

Because it was dead to them!


35. Why do skeletons hate the cold?

Because it sends a chill down their spine.


36. Did you hear about the skeleton who couldn't be a doctor?

They didn't have the stomach for it.


37. What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?

A skelevision!

 

[LuoirM]

What's the difference between a Nazi and an athlete
One can finish a race

 

[WhiteFeather]

What do you call a great author who writes amazing books? White Feather.

 

[Deleted member 84247]

They forgot to put the proper rank on the Dracula toy, so he was discounted.

 

[Justhetip...]

BEWARE! BEWARE! BEWARE!

24 hours are up, my self-suggestion has worn off!

This is NOT a safe space anymore!

Posting bad jokes in this thread beyond this point is at your own risk, and places you in danger of:
• Digital Assault.
• Getting cursed to constantly stub your toes for the next 24 hours.

And the most frightening,
• Being placed before a jury of the Representings to explain exactly why you found the joke funny, and if you can't, they'll decide a fitting punishment.