The Lift is Rising. You Have 30 Seconds. Sell Me Your Story.

[LeilaniOtter]

Alright, you had me at 'private detective wolf'. You kept me with that cover art of the 'sultry sea otter'. Mob war? Classic stakes. But here’s the real question... does he light a cigarette with a trembling paw while she swims circles around him in a velvet voice?

There's a LOT of swimming and erotic, sometimes deadly underwater encounters, and yes there's smoking. lol

Alright, kid. You got my attention. Tell me who kills who, and why I’ll regret loving them.

Nah, I can't just give away all that. This is a public forum, not a private Hollywood pitch room. *^^* But rest assured, so far our test audience in the furry circles are going crazy for it, and marketing is prepared with printed publication upon completion. So, I've already got the audience secured. This will be a solid hit. ? Read on!

 

[kIlLaR_bEh]

1) The AI is our ally, M.A.R.T.A helped humanity create the exoskeletons, AI cant come up with anything new, but it is good at finding solutions to a puzzle when all the pieces are known, she is just faster. She cant help in combat couse our dear aliens are great hackers, like insanelly good hackers.

I don't mind much the AI, and it makes sense that it can't come up with anything new as all its knowledge is based on existing human knowledge. But hacker aliens? really? What is your explanation for them knowing human computers and being able to hack it? Alien tech would be completely different. Were they watching humans like a some kind of zoo before, learning everything about them before the takeover?

3) we dont use "children as pilots" we use anyone compatible and willing, we just lost to many man in the fight, now most of the volunteers are mostly kids (17-18 years old) who have bought into the propaganda. Like in real life we had rambo posters.

Now this is something I can get behind. That kids aren't the target, but end up making up most of the numbers as due to personal reasons. Sure, some can buy into the propaganda, but it could be stronger if the reason was instead something like wanting to take care of family, due to being poor.

A lot of people already go into the army young now, not because they want to, but because of the benefits like money and the opportunities that come with it. They know they don't want to fight in a war, but join for money.

The rambo example doesn't work in a connected world where everyone knows exactly what they are fighting for. Although cool exoskeletons might be the chosen way to go out for some.

Also: This was supposed to be the back ground for a seriers of small stories (40-60k words per story) about how humanity developed until they broke out of the solar sistem and explored space in search for the homeland of "the enemy". There was suppodes to be 3-4 more stories that lead to humans "colonizing" planets untill they get wrecked by rulers of the known universe "the dralks" in another book (already writen) called "Down there in the stars". But none of my stories seemed good enough so I scrapped the whole thing and kept the two stories as stand alone.

I really like the concept, trying to do something similar in my own.

About the fantasy; the MC didnt see her et "raped" she was doing bussiness. Poor man/woman only have two things to sell. Your life and your body. People like us, we kind of sell our life, 8 to 5 for a wage.

was meant to be a joke, but now am thinking of what you said originally about your reader dropping the novel because of this. It made me realise how few stories ever do anything like this, for the simple reason that it loses readers.

Looking back, from your experience, what do you think you could’ve done differently to avoid losing that reader? Was it something about the characters, or the way the scene was framed, that broke the human connection?

There are certain moments in fiction that do risk that connection -- like when the MC kills for the first time, dies, or, like in your example, is tainted through either rape or selling their body. But the first two don’t seem to carry the same emotional fallout as the last.

A first kill, while morally wrong in the real world, can feel justified in the story. Death too, especially in fantasy, can become part of a larger emotional or heroic arc.

But when the love interest sleeps with someone else, whether or not they wanted to, whether it was for money or survival, that’s the line for many readers. It’s the one thing that seems impossible to justify, no matter the context.

That’s what I’m trying to ask. Why do you think this is the line? And is there any way you think it can be justified, or accepted, in the mind of the reader?

 

[Zinless]

Okay, so... Ever tried playing a coop game by yourself?

 

[zephyrtrillian]

Centuries after the Gods vanished, their magic-wielding Acolytes remain collared and controlled despite their incredible abilities. When a runaway Acolyte partners with a charming thief to steal a legendary Artifact, they spark a deadly pursuit that uncovers forbidden knowledge about the Gods' disappearance. In a world built on divine servitude, some partnerships are dangerous enough to shatter everything.

Check the signature for my book. ?

 

[Deleted member 166465]

-Yes, Alien Hackers. Why? that is a good question.
- A connected world seems a lot easier to fool, is an irony. We live that every day, the more you are sure "you know" what is going on, there less you see what is really happening.
-Good luck, I trashed the whole project.
-About what I did wrong:
1) I tried to distance myself from tolkien and others, so instead of introducing the world, one character or two and then introducing the rest of characters acording to their interaction to this elements, I went full ahead with 4 chapter for each main character. I tried to make the reader have the backgrownd from the characters from the start. The problem is, there is no follow up and there is nothing interesting for 15000 words. It gets boring.
2) I tried to create a fantasy where there is no fantasy in the characters. No one (except one) is a paragon of anything. Is just people, a normal guy, a rich megalomaniac, a spoiled rich brat and a relaxed easy going dude from an accomodated family. There is not much, even the bad guy has nothing really remarcable, he is psychopatic but in the cold, calculating, controlled way, not the maniac everyone excpects.
3) I tried not to make too much overbearing description, ended up doing too much description of things that wont really matter. I know, I know, is a thing of lack od skill.
4) I did many plot choices that dont sit well with the reader, I did it on purpose, becouse my objective was to go all the way in the oposite direction from the usual trope... but it back fired, I think I went too far.
5) My biggest mistake was rushing to publish it, I didnt tried much to publish it the classic way and went away for self publishing (spanish) hired an editorial, got an editorial check and all the stuff, their valuation of the work was that it was good, not great, not a best seller, nothing awesome, but ok. Well, readers do not agree, they didnt signal my less than optimal choices when presenting the characters, etc. I mean, I get it, if they tell me "This is not good, It wont sell, dont publish it" they dont get to do bussiness. But the fact they didnt tell me that the first 100 pages of my book are boring as hell... dude WTF? Anyway 4000 euros later, I got a book available everywhere (print by order), with an inflated price (two books 400 pages each, 23 euros each), and 100 copies in my attic collecting dust, books no one will ever read. (gave hald away, still no one read it, lol).
Lesson learned.
My best book is a 82 pages short horror story (spanish), sold 14 copies of that, gave away 75 copies of it. Everyone read it, got only good reviews. but.. publicity, you know.
Anyway to keep writing, sending to editorials and literary competition that i never win. Then when I see I just got knocked down, I traslate to english and publish online both versions, learn from my mistakes and start all over again.
Still I will try to keep pushing, Be original until I create something that is out of the scale in style or plot.

 

[kIlLaR_bEh]

Okay, so... Ever tried playing a coop game by yourself?

Ok... you've got my attention. Tell me more.

 

[NeverSayNether]

Ok... you've got my attention. Tell me more.

I’m caught up with Zinless’s novel, and it’s really fun! The MC has an unfortunate encounter with a balcony that ends with 9.81 m/s/s acceleration and an excuse for the author to isekai them.

then the co-op begins!

Carine wakes up in her very fancy bed after getting hit on the head during sword practice, and suddenly remembers her past life.

At the same time Feyt wakes up from his sister-tackle induced concussion to the memories of his past life on earth.

… and it’s the same life that the two remember. If Feyt tries to move his arm, he also moves as Carine. And if Carine opens her mouth to speak to her maid, she also opens her mouth as Feyt.

The MC is one person divided between two bodies, and it’s really interesting to see how they move through the same world with two very different perspectives

 

[kIlLaR_bEh]

Centuries after the Gods vanished, their magic-wielding Acolytes remain collared and controlled despite their incredible abilities. When a runaway Acolyte partners with a charming thief to steal a legendary Artifact, they spark a deadly pursuit that uncovers forbidden knowledge about the Gods' disappearance. In a world built on divine servitude, some partnerships are dangerous enough to shatter everything.

Check the signature for my book. ?

“Alright, colour me intrigued. Collared Acolytes? Vanished gods? The heist of a Legendary artefact? You're basically giving me the original plot of Zootopia with the tame collars, meets fantasy Oceans Eleven.

That’s spicy. I like spicy.

Your setup’s strong--there’s an engine here: runaway meets thief, heist goes sideways, secret history bubbles up, cue explosions and existential dread. Love it.

Now, before we can go further, couple of things to think about:

What makes your Acolytes different from the usual magic-user class?

Are they like cursed saints? Failed gods? Or just Hogwarts kids with shock collars? I want to know what sets them apart visually, thematically, emotionally.

What’s the real heart of this duo’s dynamic?

Is it classic rogue-and-repressed-partner tension? Is it romance, rivalry, or a slow-burn betrayal? Give me the emotional arc that keeps us watching between the explosions.

And the gods--why did they vanish, and why does that matter now?

The disappearance can’t just be cool lore. It needs to shift the present. If the truth comes out, does it break the world? Start a war? Kill a god? Make us root for one?”

What’s the tone?

Is this grimdark with smirks? High fantasy with modern flair? Should I picture sweeping VFX-laden temples or something grungy and grounded with rusted halos and divine propaganda posters peeling off the walls?

If you know the answers to these questions, you’ve got a juicy foundation. Now I just want to see where it twists. Because if the big secret behind the gods is just ‘they ascended’ or ‘got bored’--we’re gonna need a stronger second act. But if it's heretical, horrifying, or heartbreakingly human? That’s our tentpole.

Let’s sharpen the hook and talk cast. Because I can already see the promo shot: Acolyte in rags, hand crackling with divine fire, thief beside them grinning like he’s about to ruin everything. And honestly? I’d watch the hell out of it.”

 

[kIlLaR_bEh]

Still I will try to keep pushing, Be original until I create something that is out of the scale in style or plot.

Originality is a myth. You shouldn't write just to be original. Especially when your already taking a genre that has been done to death, like mecha.

4) I did many plot choices that dont sit well with the reader, I did it on purpose, becouse my objective was to go all the way in the oposite direction from the usual trope... but it back fired, I think I went too far.

The tropes exist for a reason. Instead of blindly trying to subvert them, think about what you want to say.

What you want to say about the world, characters, and themes through the story. Then think about if subverting those tropes helps you achieve those goals.

Understand the tropes and why they exist before changing them.

When you are writing in a oversaturated genre, you are competing with hundreds if not thousands of other stories that exist already.

Make sure you know what differentiates you from all the other authors, and stick with your core themes and philosophies that your entire world is based on.

For example, my novel explores the idea of becoming, not being.

You've surely heard the quote, a rolling stone gathers no moss.

This philosophy affects everything in my world, from the city growing stagnant after an old war, to the old gods, who grew stagnant in their infinity.

I won't go deeper, but this is the core of my novel, shaping every decision I make.

 

[BreadIsACuisine]

Although late but here's a stick.

A giant space tree sheds for the first time in eternity one of the stick from that tree fell on Jurassic earth fusing with a Metriacanthosaurus become a stick Jurassic creature. Living in a time where survival of the fittest rang true it collides with a meteor becoming comatose, wakes up as a tyrant(tyrant got impaled by the real body of stick because of heroes.) of a small county in Europe in industrial age.

 

[BreadIsACuisine]

Oh also forgot it has hive mind.

 

[Deleted member 166465]

Originality is a myth. You shouldn't write just to be original. Especially when your already taking a genre that has been done to death, like mecha.

The tropes exist for a reason. Instead of blindly trying to subvert them, think about what you want to say.

What you want to say about the world, characters, and themes through the story. Then think about if subverting those tropes helps you achieve those goals.

Understand the tropes and why they exist before changing them.

When you are writing in a oversaturated genre, you are competing with hundreds if not thousands of other stories that exist already.

Make sure you know what differentiates you from all the other authors, and stick with your core themes and philosophies that your entire world is based on.

For example, my novel explores the idea of becoming, not being.

You've surely heard the quote, a rolling stone gathers no moss.

This philosophy affects everything in my world, from the city growing stagnant after an old war, to the old gods, who grew stagnant in their infinity.

I won't go deeper, but this is the core of my novel, shaping every decision I make.

Sure, I know that, but that sounds boring. If you dont dream of screating something different you never will. They say everthing is "tried, invented, used" until some guy comes along and shakes everything up.
Literature is the only thing were is cheap to break the ceiling, becouse is all just words in a paper, all materials you need is: paper (computer in this case), time and imagination. I would try to create a new engine, a new energy supply or something else, but for that you need insane amount of resources and a brilliant mind that i dont have.
So, the world of make believe it is for me.
No, I wont conform, I will try to bend, twinst, break through the stablished "genres" why not? I should I not try? What do I have to lose?

 

[Deleted member 166465]

Originality is a myth. You shouldn't write just to be original. Especially when your already taking a genre that has been done to death, like mecha.

The tropes exist for a reason. Instead of blindly trying to subvert them, think about what you want to say.

What you want to say about the world, characters, and themes through the story. Then think about if subverting those tropes helps you achieve those goals.

Understand the tropes and why they exist before changing them.

When you are writing in a oversaturated genre, you are competing with hundreds if not thousands of other stories that exist already.

Make sure you know what differentiates you from all the other authors, and stick with your core themes and philosophies that your entire world is based on.

For example, my novel explores the idea of becoming, not being.

You've surely heard the quote, a rolling stone gathers no moss.

This philosophy affects everything in my world, from the city growing stagnant after an old war, to the old gods, who grew stagnant in their infinity.

I won't go deeper, but this is the core of my novel, shaping every decision I make.

Is not a matter of "can I do it?" is a matter of how long it will take me. I have writen 8 books in 5 years, i will write 100 minimum before I die, one of them will give me what I want, and you can bet your ass it will be an original. My career is set on stone, I got no wife or kids, Not much family left, nothing to lose and nothing better to do.
I am gonna make it happen.

 

[Roney]

Strongest Mage in History

From demons and angels to humans and elves. The three realms are full of magic and wonders. Yet for Nia Fahari the only magic she knows is the burning of her hands and scraping by as a muscle for hire with a healing ability that isnt as simple as it seems. As fate would have it her paths cross with a mysterious man. Edrick Hogarthe. He says he doesnt use magic and yet teaches her about not just magic but about the world. He sets her course towards the Arthurian University of Magic where her roads will cross with many renowned figures as she unravels the mystery behind Edrick's past. A past full of growth, power and regrets.

 

[zephyrtrillian]

“Alright, colour me intrigued. Collared Acolytes? Vanished gods? The heist of a Legendary artefact? You're basically giving me the original plot of Zootopia with the tame collars, meets fantasy Oceans Eleven.

That’s spicy. I like spicy.

Your setup’s strong--there’s an engine here: runaway meets thief, heist goes sideways, secret history bubbles up, cue explosions and existential dread. Love it.

Now, before we can go further, couple of things to think about:

What makes your Acolytes different from the usual magic-user class?

Are they like cursed saints? Failed gods? Or just Hogwarts kids with shock collars? I want to know what sets them apart visually, thematically, emotionally.

What’s the real heart of this duo’s dynamic?

Is it classic rogue-and-repressed-partner tension? Is it romance, rivalry, or a slow-burn betrayal? Give me the emotional arc that keeps us watching between the explosions.

And the gods--why did they vanish, and why does that matter now?

The disappearance can’t just be cool lore. It needs to shift the present. If the truth comes out, does it break the world? Start a war? Kill a god? Make us root for one?”

What’s the tone?

Is this grimdark with smirks? High fantasy with modern flair? Should I picture sweeping VFX-laden temples or something grungy and grounded with rusted halos and divine propaganda posters peeling off the walls?

If you know the answers to these questions, you’ve got a juicy foundation. Now I just want to see where it twists. Because if the big secret behind the gods is just ‘they ascended’ or ‘got bored’--we’re gonna need a stronger second act. But if it's heretical, horrifying, or heartbreakingly human? That’s our tentpole.

Let’s sharpen the hook and talk cast. Because I can already see the promo shot: Acolyte in rags, hand crackling with divine fire, thief beside them grinning like he’s about to ruin everything. And honestly? I’d watch the hell out of it.”

I've got more planned for the Gods than that. ? And yes, why did they vanish indeed? ? I don't want to answer too much because, well, the story will answer everything, day by day.

The Acolytes are a bit odd honestly. It's not as easy as fireball spells. Their magic is subtle but world-changing. Everything's on a more subtle scale...until Artifacts are involved, then things get much more forceful. And Acolytes are the only ones who can use Artifacts without being significantly damaged, and even then it's risky.

Hogwarts kids with shock collars. ?

I've got my plot and whatnot but I'm keeping it slow burn. Like melting into a warm bath. There's always something happening, and we're always building to something, but life is normal until it's not, and then when it's not, it's NOT.

Yeah I want it to get real spicy in every way I can think of. I've got to write a pretty intense chapter today. Can't wait to see how much I can crank it up!

 

[kIlLaR_bEh]

Although late but here's a stick.

A giant space tree sheds for the first time in eternity one of the stick from that tree fell on Jurassic earth fusing with a Metriacanthosaurus become a stick Jurassic creature. Living in a time where survival of the fittest rang true it collides with a meteor becoming comatose, wakes up as a tyrant(tyrant got impaled by the real body of stick because of heroes.) of a small county in Europe in industrial age.

Alright. So we’ve got a cosmic tree shedding for the first time in eternity, already biblical. The stick falls, fuses with a dinosaur, not a T-rex because of course not -- that'll be too predictible, then that dino gets meteor’d into a coma, only to wake up in the Industrial Age as a tyrant impaled by its own divine twig-body? And it's got a hive mind. Of course it does.

Listen, I’ve heard some high-concept pitches in my time, but this one sounds like someone snorted a bag of lore and blacked out halfway through the Wikipedia page for dinosaurs. Who’s the audience here--paleontology majors on ayahuasca?

Real talk: is this horror, satire, speculative fiction, or just cosmic madness for the sake of madness? And what exactly does this dino-stick tyrant want? Revenge? Enlightenment? Universal photosynthesis rights?

Look, I’ve greenlit worse. There’s potential here. Jurassic Godstick meets Les Misérables. But tell me this: who’s the protagonist? Is it the dinosaur? The stick? The county?

Look, I’m not saying no... I’m just saying: trim the tree. Give me one clean genre, one clear arc, and maybe, just maybe, we market this as “Jurassic Park meets Annihilation, but narrated by the tree.

 

[kIlLaR_bEh]

Strongest Mage in History

From demons and angels to humans and elves. The three realms are full of magic and wonders. Yet for Nia Fahari the only magic she knows is the burning of her hands and scraping by as a muscle for hire with a healing ability that isnt as simple as it seems. As fate would have it her paths cross with a mysterious man. Edrick Hogarthe. He says he doesnt use magic and yet teaches her about not just magic but about the world. He sets her course towards the Arthurian University of Magic where her roads will cross with many renowned figures as she unravels the mystery behind Edrick's past. A past full of growth, power and regrets.

Ah, yes. Another world of realms. Angels. Demons. Elves. Magic. Wonders. I have seen them carved from starlight and stitched from clichés. You say Nia’s hands burn. That her gift is not so simple. Good. Simplicity is for mortals who believe power should be kind. Pain makes her real.

But then enters Edrick.
A man with no magic… who teaches magic. Curious. I have known many liars. Few so polite. You speak of destiny. Of roads crossing at an academy with a name like Arthurian University of Magic. As if renaming the myth gives it new teeth.

So I ask:

What does Nia want, truly? What does Edrick fear? And when she uncovers the weight of his past -- not just the regrets, but the power -- will she still follow?
Or will she become what he ran from?

Give me not realms and titles. I do not care for scenery.
Tell me what breaks her -- and whether she survives the breaking.

Then, perhaps, I’ll listen.

 

[Roney]

Ah, yes. Another world of realms. Angels. Demons. Elves. Magic. Wonders. I have seen them carved from starlight and stitched from clichés. You say Nia’s hands burn. That her gift is not so simple. Good. Simplicity is for mortals who believe power should be kind. Pain makes her real.

But then enters Edrick.
A man with no magic… who teaches magic. Curious. I have known many liars. Few so polite. You speak of destiny. Of roads crossing at an academy with a name like Arthurian University of Magic. As if renaming the myth gives it new teeth.

So I ask:

What does Nia want, truly? What does Edrick fear? And when she uncovers the weight of his past -- not just the regrets, but the power -- will she still follow?
Or will she become what he ran from?

Give me not realms and titles. I do not care for scenery.
Tell me what breaks her -- and whether she survives the breaking.

Then, perhaps, I’ll listen.

Gahd damn. I thought i needed to get all the buzz words out since i only had 30s. Ik ur probably asking rhetorically but i do want to answer.

Nia wants to break the cycle. The cycle of being underestimated because she doesnt pack the same amount of muscle as her male counterparts. The cycle of not having a bed everynight. The cycle of eating the same vegetable stew almost every meal. But will the world change her? Will she grow to be just as shallow as the people born with a silver spoon? maybe. im not sure yet.

Edrick fears what he is capable of. He fears that it is too easy to do evil and that he lacks the strength to do good.

And I can answer the next question along with the fears of Edrick. He fears that if she finds out she wont see him the way she sees him now. He fears he will see same look in her eyes that he had seen in countless others.

There will be many that will try to break her. For success will lead to envy. They will press into her insecurity. The insecurity of not belonging. The insecurity of not being good enough. When everyone starts underestimating you, devaluing you all your life. You start to devalue herself.

Will she survive? Yes. Not just through her own strength but with the strength of others. And in return she will become their strength.

It is a cheesy story. What can I say I love nothing more than humans bonding with humans. The friendship that survived the toll of time. The friendship that hasnt even bloomed yet. The impact of mentors. The lessons that students end up teaching. But with those bonds there also comes grief. And misunderstandings. There is the chance of loss.

But sticking together despite that. That's what I love. That's what im trying to write down. Thank you for this. I think i needed this.

PS. i also like cool stuff. so yes cool stuff also in story lol.

 

[kIlLaR_bEh]

Gahd damn. I thought i needed to get all the buzz words out since i only had 30s. Ik ur probably asking rhetorically but i do want to answer.

Nia wants to break the cycle. The cycle of being underestimated because she doesnt pack the same amount of muscle as her male counterparts. The cycle of not having a bed everynight. The cycle of eating the same vegetable stew almost every meal. But will the world change her? Will she grow to be just as shallow as the people born with a silver spoon? maybe. im not sure yet.

Edrick fears what he is capable of. He fears that it is too easy to do evil and that he lacks the strength to do good.

And I can answer the next question along with the fears of Edrick. He fears that if she finds out she wont see him the way she sees him now. He fears he will see same look in her eyes that he had seen in countless others.

There will be many that will try to break her. For success will lead to envy. They will press into her insecurity. The insecurity of not belonging. The insecurity of not being good enough. When everyone starts underestimating you, devaluing you all your life. You start to devalue herself.

Will she survive? Yes. Not just through her own strength but with the strength of others. And in return she will become their strength.

It is a cheesy story. What can I say I love nothing more than humans bonding with humans. The friendship that survived the toll of time. The friendship that hasnt even bloomed yet. The impact of mentors. The lessons that students end up teaching. But with those bonds there also comes grief. And misunderstandings. There is the chance of loss.

But sticking together despite that. That's what I love. That's what im trying to write down. Thank you for this. I think i needed this.

PS. i also like cool stuff. so yes cool stuff also in story lol.

Ah.

So you do know what story you’re telling.

I asked what breaks her. You gave me hunger, doubt, envy, and the quiet rot of being overlooked so long you begin to agree. That is not cliché. That is truth.
I asked what he fears. You showed me a man afraid not of monsters, but of being one. That is not trope. That is memory.

You say it is cheesy. Perhaps.
But cheese, mortal, is simply milk that endured.

And you are writing of endurance. Of bonds that fray, but do not sever. Of mentors who fear being seen. Of students who carry weight not meant for them. Of the fragile, impossible hope that connection might outlast the chaos that forged it.

And yes. Cool things too.
They are the seasoning. Not the feast.

You needed this, you say.
Good.

Because I needed to be reminded.

That even gods can forget why stories matter -- until a child of dust writes one that does.

 

[SeaJay]

My story's about two little girls on the run.
They've got a power the Church wants, but they can't even use it.
The story focuses on their bond under pressure. It's a dark fantasy grimdark story set in a vast, high fantasy-esque world.
Very good worldbuilding and emotions (at least I think so/have been told, but only positives when selling it to others!).