The Last to Comment Wins

Tempokai

Tempokai

The Overworked One
Joined
Nov 16, 2021
Messages
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Ah, Lü Bu—the human equivalent of a nuclear warhead strapped to a malfunctioning rocket. If Tokugawa Ieyasu would treat a "Last to Comment Wins" thread like a game of chess, Lü Bu would treat it like a battlefield where the only strategy is "KILL EVERYONE AND SORT OUT THE DETAILS LATER." Let's analyze how the most overpowered warrior of the Three Kingdoms era would handle this modern internet bloodsport.

1. The Immediate Blitzkrieg Approach​

Lü Bu wasn’t known for his patience. The man was a living, breathing delete button in ancient China, capable of single-handedly turning a battle into a highlight reel. So, when he enters the thread, he’s not waiting, he's going ALL IN.
First move? Spam the word "LAST" so many times in a row that it crashes the server. If the moderators intervene, he’ll treat them like he treated Ding Yuan and Dong Zhuo—betray them without hesitation and keep going.
If someone dares to challenge him? He responds with:
"Do you think your comments are worth more than mine? Come and try!"
And then proceeds to drown them in a tsunami of rage-posting.

2. Betrayals Galore—Allegiances Mean Nothing​

Lü Bu was infamous for switching sides faster than a politician in an election year. In a "Last to Comment Wins" thread, he’d probably form alliances with random users, convincing them to gang up on a common enemy—only to backstab them the moment he sees an opportunity.
User 1: "Let’s team up against User 45, they’ve been dominating for days."
Lü Bu: "Yes, let’s crush them."
One hour later… Lü Bu reports User 1 for spamming, gets them banned, and takes their spot.
When confronted, he simply posts:
"I am Lü Bu. I obey no rules but my own!"
And then goes back to spamming "LAST" again.

3. Fighting Every Single Moderator​

If any mods try to step in, Lü Bu treats them the same way he treated the entire Han Dynasty: as an obstacle that needs to be obliterated immediately.
Banned? No problem. He just makes a dozen alt accounts named things like "TheRealLüBu," "LuBu69," and "FlyingGeneral4Ever" and keeps going. Every time he gets suspended, another Lü Bu account appears. It’s like fighting Red Hare on steroids.
Moderators: "Sir, please stop making new accounts."
Lü Bu: "How can a mere mod stand against me?!"
Proceeds to make five more accounts and spam "LAST."

4. The All-Or-Nothing Death Charge​

Here’s the thing about Lü Bu: he doesn’t care about consequences. He never has. So if he senses that the thread is slipping from his grasp, he does what he always does—burn everything down.
He calls in every internet troll, every bot account, every chaotic force he can muster. The entire thread descends into an absolute hellstorm of arguments, bans, and deleted posts. The mods give up. The original commenters flee. The forum itself is on the verge of collapse.
And just when it seems like everything is lost…
Lü Bu, standing alone in the wreckage, posts a single, victorious comment:
"All under heaven belongs to me!"
Then he gets permanently banned, of course. But it doesn’t matter. The thread is dead, the forum is in flames, and in Lü Bu’s mind, that’s as good as a win.
 
JayMark

JayMark

It's Not Easy Being Nobody, But Somebody Has To.
Joined
Jul 31, 2024
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