[Submissions Closed] Unreliable Feedback v2

iamlielac

iamlielac

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I would love some feedback!

Love is a part of my story but by no means the main focus. I am new here so if I am doing this wrong I apologize.
 
greyblob

greyblob

"Staff Memeber" pleasr
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LesserCodex said:
Got it here it is. Thank you in advance.
www.scribblehub.com

A Tamer’s Adventure

Martyn, a young staunch panther-kin male, must find a way to power under his class as a monster tamer. Now fending for himself as an adventurer, he finds a chance when his failure rewards him, sparking a drive within him. To build a loving and strong monster girl, Harem! Note:...
www.scribblehub.com www.scribblehub.com
Click to expand...
read up to: [8] Leveling up

This reminded me of the novel with the doggirl and gnome slave girls. Kinda wished this wasn't smut. I don't like reading about hormone-driven mcs. I'm also not a fan of JP light-novel style writing, so you know my bias before I start.

The writing quality is alright. There were a few errors here and there but nothing significant. My biggest issue here was having little to no descriptions. I had no clue how anything looked. Short and concise descriptions would have sufficed.

I wasn't the biggest fan of the characters. I can see that the MC's mentality changed, the focus switching from sticking anything with a hole and collecting them all to a more mature theme focusing on nurturing himself and his partner. But I was already put off.

I also don't like the kobolt girl. She feels like an extension of the MC. Like the MC (or the audience) is projected onto her. I remember the MC talking about having a harem or something and she comments about getting a 'slime-girl'. Felt quite odd. She's accepting her role as a generic smut harem member and talking about adding another member.

I like the direction you're taking now. More focused on character development, world building, and developing the litrpg system. I'm guessing you fell into the smut trap and realized it's not what you want to do.

Kureous said:
It's in my signature, lol, but sure: The Unbeatable Game | Scribble Hub
Click to expand...
I missed your novel and jumped up. sorry about that will get to it now.
 
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LesserCodex

LesserCodex

A milf enjoyer who lives in your walls.
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greyblob said:
read up to: [8] Leveling up

This reminded me of the novel with the doggirl and gnome slave girls. Kinda wished this wasn't smut. I don't like reading about hormone-driven mcs. I'm also not a fan of JP light-novel style writing, so you know my bias before I start.

The writing quality is alright. There were a few errors here and there but nothing significant. My biggest issue here was having little to no descriptions. I had no clue how anything looked. Short and concise descriptions would have sufficed.

I wasn't the biggest fan of the characters. I can see that the MC's mentality changed, the focus switching from sticking anything with a hole and collecting them all to a more mature theme focusing on nurturing himself and his partner. But I was already put off.

I also don't like the kobolt girl. She feels like an extension of the MC. Like the MC (or the audience) is projected onto her. I remember the MC talking about having a harem or something and she comments about getting a 'slime-girl'. Felt quite odd. She's accepting her role as a generic smut harem member and talking about adding another member.

I like the direction you're taking now. More focused on character development, world building, and developing the litrpg system. I'm guessing you fell into the smut trap and realized it's not what you want to do.


I missed your novel and jumped up. sorry about that will get to it now.
Click to expand...
Thanks for the review, not gonna lie I admit I fell into the smut trap, but I'm fine with it, good to know I should add more descriptors, I tend to forget readers can't read my mind so I have to be detailed about.
I'm happy the change in Mc's mentality was noticed, I have a subplot based on that I'm trying to set up so I'm glad that worked. Also, plan to add more development to other characters as well, more plot a little less smut If I can execute it right that is.
 
SuperMushroom

SuperMushroom

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www.scribblehub.com

Can You Conquer The World With Martial Arts?

In a world not unlike our own, the rapid progress of martial arts had empowered a small group of rebels with supernatural abilities and fostered an unprecedented uprising. The long lived Emperor Taizong's vast army had...
www.scribblehub.com www.scribblehub.com
I would really appreciate some eyes on this!!!
 
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