Seniors, help this junior in his tribulation!!

[RoboPigeon]

Hello, dear senior authors,

I’m a new writer just starting out, and I’d really appreciate any kind of feedback; good, bad, or in between. I’m not asking for much, just a few honest thoughts on what I might be doing right and where I’m going wrong.

I’ve tried posting in the feedback section before, but often there’s no response. So I thought I’d reach out here, hoping someone more experienced might be kind enough to guide me a little.

Thank you in advance, even if it's just a sentence or two, it means a lot.

>Becoming Eldritch in the Cultivation World<

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Hello, dear senior authors,

I’m a new writer just starting out, and I’d really appreciate any kind of feedback—good, bad, or in between. I’m not asking for much, just a few honest thoughts on what I might be doing right and where I’m going wrong.

I’ve tried posting in the feedback section before, but often there’s no response. So I thought I’d reach out here, hoping someone more experienced might be kind enough to guide me a little.

Thank you in advance, even if it's just a sentence or two—it means a lot.

It would help if you included a link like Becoming Eldritch in the Cultivation World | Scribble Hub

 

[ACertainPassingUser]

I have an idea, rather uncommon one,

Put more than just Lightning tribulation for each element.

Put tribulation of all 5 wuxing element, such as :

Wood tribulation
Fire tribulation
Earth tribulation
Metal tribulation
Water tribulation

And secondary elements :

Light tribulation
Dark tribulation

Wind tribulation
Lighting tribulation

That's all some idea. You can make those tribulation Separate from the heavenly tribulation for ascending realms.

Just like improving cultivation base is different from improving martial skill and technique.

 

[Fairemont]

Lightning is the tribulation because lightning is the power of the heavens and has no real relation to the wuxing elements.

Aside from that this is clearly written by AI. Disregard this entirely.

It would help if you included a link like Becoming Eldritch in the Cultivation World | Scribble Hub

Its just AI.

 

[RoboPigeon]

Lightning is the tribulation because lightning is the power of the heavens and has no real relation to the wuxing elements.

Aside from that this is clearly written by AI. Disregard this entirely.

Its just AI.

I used no Ai to write my story. You can try reading it once before commenting something like that.

 

[Fairemont]

I used no Ai to write my story. You can try reading it once before committing something like that.

None at all? No editing, etc.?

Your story has every common quirk and sign if being LLM assisted at minimum.

 

[RoboPigeon]

I did grammer check at best. It isnt written by Ai as you said. You are just disregarding my hours of work to Ai slop. "Disregard this entirely" really dude?

 

[Fairemont]

If that is so, then you have a writing style that is extremely similar to an LLM. How unfortunate for you.

 

[RoboPigeon]

If that is so, then you have a writing style that is extremely similar to an LLM. How unfortunate for you.

I can see your sarcasm. But read the work first. Otherwise you are clearly a troll.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

If that is so, then you have a writing style that is extremely similar to an LLM. How unfortunate for you.

My gut feeling (from the title and one paragraph) is this is more likely an LLM assisted translation of the author's own work in a different language but I'm just guessing from the title and first paragraph (and synopsis).

 

[RoboPigeon]

My gut feeling (from the title and one paragraph) is this is more likely an LLM assisted translation of the author's own work in a different language but I'm just guessing from the title and first paragraph (and synopsis).

As I said english is my second language. I used ai to fix grammer and spelling for the novel. Please read just one full chapter before jumping to conclusion.

 

[FieryLou]

I can see your sarcasm. But read the damn work first. Otherwise you are clearly a troll.

Our dear Fairemont would never troll! That being aside, I second Charles opinion. I read all of the avaible chapters, and it does seems like a translation done by the butler. Perhaps you read to many of those works, and integrated it into your story. For all I now is that you shouldnt blame anyone for having this kind of thought.

 

[Fairemont]

As I said english is my second language. I used ai to fix grammer and spelling for the novel. Please read just one full chapter before jumping to conclusion.

If you used AI to fix it then that is why it reads like AI.

You might want to add that as a disclaimer in your promo posts going forward to clear up any misunderstandings.

It'll help a lot. Trust me.

 

[RoboPigeon]

If you used AI to fix it then that is why it reads like AI.

You might want to add that as a disclaimer in your promo posts going forward to clear up any misunderstandings.

It'll help a lot. Trust me.

I will add that part. Thank you! Now please give me some constructive feedback.

Our dear Fairemont would never troll! That being aside, I second Charles opinion. I read all of the avaible chapters, and it does seems like a translation done by the butler. Perhaps you read to many of those works, and integrated it into your story. For all I now is that you shouldnt blame anyone for having this kind of thought.

Could you spare some of your time to answer my original questions. Give me some feedback please.

 

[Fairemont]

I will add the that part. Thank you! Now please give me some constructive feedback.

Could you spare some of your time to answer my original questions. Give me some feedback please.

Are you focused on anything in particular?

Story, characters, dialogue, prose, etc.? Or just want a balanced one? I can maybe read a chapter or two.

 

[RoboPigeon]

Are you focused on anything in particular?

Story, characters, dialogue, prose, etc.? Or just want a balanced one? I can maybe read a chapter or two.

Dialogues and characters

 

[Fairemont]

Dialogues and characters

I read the first chapter. Its quite the concept. Im not sold on Albert's last name as it is rather awkward to pronounce.

Your dialogue, though one sided, isn't bad. Ironically, the weakest points in everything here feel like the parts where the AI did some editing.

Id probably throw it out and just go with your natural writing.

Im not much of a reader so I dont know if I'll go further, but youve got a unique opening premise that I enjoyed well enough.

One thing Id suggest, unless youre using the red dandelions to stand in, would be to make the earth itself from reddish dirt.

One of the major concepts is that humans come from red dust, so you return to the earth as a red dandelion is a clever connection.

 

[HisDivineShadow]

You sound aggressive in your comments, it seems like you're looking for praise, not criticism. I'm not sure you're actually ready for real feedback.

 

[RoboPigeon]

You sound aggressive in your comments, it seems like you're looking for praise, not criticism. I'm not sure you're actually ready for real feedback.

When you write for hours and someone says 'disregard this entirely' anyone would get angry. I asked for feedback not a roast.

I read the first chapter. Its quite the concept. Im not sold on Albert's last name as it is rather awkward to pronounce.

Your dialogue, though one sided, isn't bad. Ironically, the weakest points in everything here feel like the parts where the AI did some editing.

Id probably throw it out and just go with your natural writing.

Im not much of a reader so I dont know if I'll go further, but youve got a unique opening premise that I enjoyed well enough.

One thing Id suggest, unless youre using the red dandelions to stand in, would be to make the earth itself from reddish dirt.

One of the major concepts is that humans come from red dust, so you return to the earth as a red dandelion is a clever connection.

The white desert is supposed to show a blank canvas where mc writes his destiny with his choice.

The name sounds awkward but the mc is german

 

[Fairemont]

When you write for hours and someone says 'disregard this entirely' anyone would get angry. I asked for feedback not a roast.

The white desert is supposed to show a blank canvas where mc writes his destiny with his choice.

The name sounds awkward but the mc is german

The imagery works. It wad merely a thematic observation I had when reading.