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AncestorDuck

Yours Truly, Senior Duck.
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"A layer of accumulated snow covered the ground. in the city of Grilin, the snowflakes on the rooftops reflected the sun rays. inside a house, warmth was spreading as the sound of wood burning rang out. around a thick wooden table, the four held steaming cups of clove-scented tea. After feeling the warmth of the cup, Aldric eyes crinkled into a silent smile as he took a sip of the tea. he then turned to Bruce who was lost in his own thoughts.

Aldric took another sip before asking "hHey, Bruce, what was on that letter?" Bruce was stared off into the distance, lost in thoughts and didn't answer.

Cara on the side sighed while looking at the steam raising, "he He become became like this after my mother mother's death,"


Didn't read much more, but let me give you a little tip. You should use a capital letter at the beginning of each sentence. And use the right tense. I marked you a few examples that you know what I mean.
 
D

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"A layer of accumulated snow covered the ground. in the city of Grilin, the snowflakes on the rooftops reflected the sun rays. inside a house, warmth was spreading as the sound of wood burning rang out. around a thick wooden table, the four held steaming cups of clove-scented tea. After feeling the warmth of the cup, Aldric eyes crinkled into a silent smile as he took a sip of the tea. he then turned to Bruce who was lost in his own thoughts.

Aldric took another sip before asking "hHey, Bruce, what was on that letter?" Bruce was stared off into the distance, lost in thoughts and didn't answer.

Cara on the side sighed while looking at the steam raising, "he He become became like this after my mother mother's death,"


Didn't read much more, but let me give you a little tip. You should use a capital letter at the beginning of each sentence. And use the right tense. I marked you a few examples that you know what I mean.
thanks man.
 

greyblob

"Staff Memeber" pleasr
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I read the first 2 chapters. It's a good start.

1- Obviously your grasp on the language needs work. So try to study English as you continue forward. A litttle bit every day will go along way.

2- Your storytelling is better than most. You've got the right mentality but it needs polish. Try to read more English novels. Focus on published hardcover novels and try to analyze as you read.

3- There are rules to structuring scenes. You first need to know them and understand them before decising whether you want to follow them or not. Here's a guide to get you started.



I made this thread a while back. It will not be as useful as the two above but maybe it'll help.

good luck. If you keep at it, i guarentee by chapter 40 you will see night and day improvement.
 
D

Deleted member 195328

Guest
I read the first 2 chapters. It's a good start.

1- Obviously your grasp on the language needs work. So try to study English as you continue forward. A litttle bit every day will go along way.

2- Your storytelling is better than most. You've got the right mentality but it needs polish. Try to read more English novels. Focus on published hardcover novels and try to analyze as you read.

3- There are rules to structuring scenes. You first need to know them and understand them before decising whether you want to follow them or not. Here's a guide to get you started.



I made this thread a while back. It will not be as useful as the two above but maybe it'll help.

good luck. If you keep at it, i guarentee by chapter 40 you will see night and day improvement.
Thanks for the links, I appreciate it.
 
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