TheEldritchGod
A Cloud Of Pure Spite And Eyes
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2021
- Messages
- 3,444
- Points
- 183
So ToeMato is a stripped orange tabby of 18 years in 5 days. He has extra toes on his front paws, hence his name.
He has small cell cancer and the treatment is not working.
I will be taking him to the vet today where I will have him killed. I do not like the phrase put to sleep. I am choosing to end his life. He no longer can keep down any food and is only suffering at this point. All the medication and IV fluids have prolonged his life, but no longer give him any quality of life. He did his best, but it is only a matter of time before he dies on his own. I am choosing to end it early.
This is a kindness.
At least I tell myself this.
I will sit there and stare into his eyes as the needle goes in, like every cat I have owned that I have lost before. He deserves that much at least. No matter how much it hurts, he will not die alone. I have done this too many times. It never gets any easier. This part at the end, where I tear my own heart out, is the price that must be paid for the nearly 18 years that he has been in my life. If that is the price that must be paid, so be it.
If you said you could take away the pain,
but that he would not have been in my life,
I could not say "no" fast enough.
I would not sacrifice one second with him for something so petty.
As terrible a choice this is, it is the best choice out of so many horrible ones.
So it will be done, because it must be done.
My family will cry, because he deserves to be mourned.
I will not, so he knows that he has nothing to fear.
But on the inside,
the entire time,
I will be screaming into the void.
. . .
The alarm has gone off.
It is time.
He has small cell cancer and the treatment is not working.
I will be taking him to the vet today where I will have him killed. I do not like the phrase put to sleep. I am choosing to end his life. He no longer can keep down any food and is only suffering at this point. All the medication and IV fluids have prolonged his life, but no longer give him any quality of life. He did his best, but it is only a matter of time before he dies on his own. I am choosing to end it early.
This is a kindness.
At least I tell myself this.
I will sit there and stare into his eyes as the needle goes in, like every cat I have owned that I have lost before. He deserves that much at least. No matter how much it hurts, he will not die alone. I have done this too many times. It never gets any easier. This part at the end, where I tear my own heart out, is the price that must be paid for the nearly 18 years that he has been in my life. If that is the price that must be paid, so be it.
If you said you could take away the pain,
but that he would not have been in my life,
I could not say "no" fast enough.
I would not sacrifice one second with him for something so petty.
As terrible a choice this is, it is the best choice out of so many horrible ones.
So it will be done, because it must be done.
My family will cry, because he deserves to be mourned.
I will not, so he knows that he has nothing to fear.
But on the inside,
the entire time,
I will be screaming into the void.
. . .
The alarm has gone off.
It is time.
