Review Swaps

[septembersjudge]

Hello, hello, hello!

I'm looking for my story to be reviewed, and I'd like to have more to read on ScribbleHub,

? About My Story:
Title: Tempus Exsanguis
Genre: Fantasy, Vampire, Thriller, Horror(ish)
Word Count: 56K (at the time of writing)
Synopsis: In a world painted with shadows and enigma, a creature borne of dark desires roams the vast expanse of the Darkwood Forest. Cursed by a power-hungry tyrant centuries ago, he seeks solace in his secluded palace, away from the prying eyes that once beheld him in terror. His days blur into nights, defined only by the hunger that gnaws at him and the celestial dome that showers him in ethereal light.


Yet, one fateful night, the silence of the woods shatters. A sinister ambush unfolds, leaving behind a tableau of devastation and betrayal. Among the wreckage, he discovers not only treasures that glimmer with potential but a fragile life hanging by a thread. A whisper from the past beckons, and a choice must be made: to embrace the darkness within or seek the flicker of humanity that remains.


Drawn into a tapestry woven with mystery and destiny, will he remain the cursed creature of the Darkwood or find redemption in the unlikeliest of places?


? What I’m Offering:

An in-depth, honest review of your work.
Constructive feedback with specifics to help you improve.
Comments on plot, character development, pacing, and writing style.
A promise to review within [specific time frame, e.g., one week] of receiving your story.

? What I’m Looking For:

A thoughtful review of my story in return.
Honesty. If something doesn’t work for you or if you think a part needs revision, let me know!
Professionalism. Let’s keep the feedback constructive and focused on the writing.

? How to Participate:

Comment below or PM me with a brief description of your story (title, genre, word count).
Once you’ve finished reviewing, post your feedback (or send it privately if you prefer), and I will do the same for yours within the agreed timeframe.

Looking forward to exchanging stories and thoughts! ??

 

[KDBooks97]

Hello!
I want to start off by saying you write beautifully, painting a deep, sorrowful narrative of the main character as he struggles with his Vampirism.
My main constructive criticism is there are several places where the purple prose is a little too descriptive, if that makes sense. Here I'll explain.

"In a time shrouded in shadows, a lone soul was ensnared by a malicious curse, turned into a creature of the night four centuries past due to the malevolent desires of a power-hungry being. His monstrous transformation had no foundation but another’s unquenchable thirst for control and influence. Three centuries later, he found a semblance of solace when this vile entity met his demise under the burning kiss of the sun, a fate befitting his cruel nature."

This is a great opening line, but the complexity of your writing sometimes seems to ramble. I think this line would be better served broken up into the main story, the info-dump is a little off-putting as we haven't had any time to get to know this character, nor do we as the reader have any reason to care about why he was transformed yet.

The line about how the sire met his demise also feels a bit shoehorned in. Personally, I would have sprinkled this information throughout the chapter when our MC is remembering his old life.

Your pacing is rather sluggish too, There is a paragraph dedicated to the MC and a deer staring at one another. It's a beautiful passage and it's worded beautifully, but each paragraph of your work is packed with exposition and poetic words that, at times, don't really do much to further the story.

There is a lot of the story that is dedicated to being pretty and flowery. It doesn't leave anything to the imagination, it tends to lead you by the nose through the imagery and tells you, rather then show you, how magnificent the deer is, how lonely the protagonist is, etc.

I will say it is hauntingly beautiful, I think you have serious talent as a writer and could be the next great novelist. Please don't take my review as my attempting to discredit your writing, nor that I am just needlessly hating on your work. I am NOT a qualified expert on writing, so a lot of this comes from personal taste.

Purple prose writing does have its place and many great famous novels would be disparaged today for having the same literary qualities that your story does, so please take everything I've said with a grain of salt.

You are welcome to read and review my novel if you like, however if it's not your cup of tea, then don't feel pressured to return the favor just because I've read yours. It does depict self-harm and mental illness, so read with caution. I will also caution you I am NOT nearly the great caliber of writer you are and my work is still a first draft. Any feedback I receive will be used in the second draft of my novel.

The Miserably Macabre Tales of Luna Samuels

'My name is Faith Elizabeth Samuels. Well, it used to be, before I left my fundamentalist helicopter parents and started going by Luna... My counselor tells me writing will help me to 'heal'. Somehow, writing my feelings of depression, anxiety, self harm and suicidal thoughts will negate a...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[EldritchPotato]

I read and left a review on your story. If you feel like returning the favour check out one of mine. :)

 

[septembersjudge]

Hello!
I want to start off by saying you write beautifully, painting a deep, sorrowful narrative of the main character as he struggles with his Vampirism.
My main constructive criticism is there are several places where the purple prose is a little too descriptive, if that makes sense. Here I'll explain.

"In a time shrouded in shadows, a lone soul was ensnared by a malicious curse, turned into a creature of the night four centuries past due to the malevolent desires of a power-hungry being. His monstrous transformation had no foundation but another’s unquenchable thirst for control and influence. Three centuries later, he found a semblance of solace when this vile entity met his demise under the burning kiss of the sun, a fate befitting his cruel nature."

This is a great opening line, but the complexity of your writing sometimes seems to ramble. I think this line would be better served broken up into the main story, the info-dump is a little off-putting as we haven't had any time to get to know this character, nor do we as the reader have any reason to care about why he was transformed yet.

The line about how the sire met his demise also feels a bit shoehorned in. Personally, I would have sprinkled this information throughout the chapter when our MC is remembering his old life.

Your pacing is rather sluggish too, There is a paragraph dedicated to the MC and a deer staring at one another. It's a beautiful passage and it's worded beautifully, but each paragraph of your work is packed with exposition and poetic words that, at times, don't really do much to further the story.

There is a lot of the story that is dedicated to being pretty and flowery. It doesn't leave anything to the imagination, it tends to lead you by the nose through the imagery and tells you, rather then show you, how magnificent the deer is, how lonely the protagonist is, etc.

I will say it is hauntingly beautiful, I think you have serious talent as a writer and could be the next great novelist. Please don't take my review as my attempting to discredit your writing, nor that I am just needlessly hating on your work. I am NOT a qualified expert on writing, so a lot of this comes from personal taste.

Purple prose writing does have its place and many great famous novels would be disparaged today for having the same literary qualities that your story does, so please take everything I've said with a grain of salt.

You are welcome to read and review my novel if you like, however if it's not your cup of tea, then don't feel pressured to return the favor just because I've read yours. It does depict self-harm and mental illness, so read with caution. I will also caution you I am NOT nearly the great caliber of writer you are and my work is still a first draft. Any feedback I receive will be used in the second draft of my novel.

The Miserably Macabre Tales of Luna Samuels

'My name is Faith Elizabeth Samuels. Well, it used to be, before I left my fundamentalist helicopter parents and started going by Luna... My counselor tells me writing will help me to 'heal'. Somehow, writing my feelings of depression, anxiety, self harm and suicidal thoughts will negate a...

www.scribblehub.com

I apologize to getting to you this late, for some reason I haven't gotten any notification (email or site) about your reply so I'm genuinely sorry for such late response.

Thank you so much for your response, I am trying my best to lower on the flowery style and purple prose as I'm trying to make sure the readability is up to par.

I will gladly check out your work, I'm currently busy with my husband unfortunately, but I will read it as soon as possible, and give you my honest thoughts would you like it to be posted here or as a review?

I read and left a review on your story. If you feel like returning the favour check out one of mine. :)

Hello,

Thank you so much, I saw it a moment ago and I honestly couldn't be more grateful for it. I will take into consideration and try my best to put it in use.

I will check out your story ASAP, I will drop a review as soon as I finish reading

 

[KDBooks97]

I apologize to getting to you this late, for some reason I haven't gotten any notification (email or site) about your reply so I'm genuinely sorry for such late response.

Thank you so much for your response, I am trying my best to lower on the flowery style and purple prose as I'm trying to make sure the readability is up to par.

I will gladly check out your work, I'm currently busy with my husband unfortunately, but I will read it as soon as possible, and give you my honest thoughts would you like it to be posted here or as a review?

Hello,

Thank you so much, I saw it a moment ago and I honestly couldn't be more grateful for it. I will take into consideration and try my best to put it in use.

I will check out your story ASAP, I will drop a review as soon as I finish reading

My husband keeps me busy too, so I feel you XD. I'd prefer here in the chat so we can communicate back and forth. <3

 

[Pixxie]

Sure. I'll read yours. Here's mine.

Pagis

Reincarnated in a mysterious, medieval fantasy world, Mara woke up in the middle of nowhere and struggled to find her way out of there, until she encountered an old lady. Once she received directions from the woman, she was excited to arrive there. As soon as she made it there,...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[NoppaiCanno]

Hey, is this thread still active?