I like it. I'd just go over it a couple times, add, subtract, reorder etc.. I played with it a little bit. I'm not sure if this is better, but again, that's what I'd do. This looks like the beginning of a scene because its new to me. If that's true,
Aegis looks like the POV character here. It clarifies things a lot when the first thing that happens is the POV character does something. "Aegis somethinged from somewhere, something something." or something. That way we have a character and a setting. Then you can use a line or three to describe the arena.
I'd also say something about Zerra and her opponent. Doesn't need to be much.
I've been listening to prose advice videos on youtube and going over my work once with each pointer they have in mind. Sometimes you want to ignore the advice because its bad. Still, the act of rewriting your sentences, reordering them, adding and subtracting and so on makes it feel more alive, and it makes you more limber.
*****
Aegis watched the fight from above, through the chains that surrounded the arena, hoping he hadn't made the wrong bet.
The metal floor shuddered as Zerra crashed, her opponent looming over her; the cheers died.
Recovered from their shock, the crowd surged, roaring as they clawed at the chains separating them from the match.
“The fight is rigged!”
“Give us our coin back, you houndspawn!”
“You two-faced cowards!”
The chains and shouts fell silent again. A trio of towering fiends stepped into the crowd, their thundering footsteps resounding.
Aegis sized them up. They wore the uniforms of enforcers, the personal bodyguards of the owner who ran the hidden arena.
Murmurs spread through the cursing, spitting crowd. Aegis turned with a sly smile, and walked back to his table.
His chair groaned as he sat.
“One gold and ten silver,” Aegis said as he picked up a piece of meat from his plate.
******
That's not much different than what you wrote, and its just how I revised it without knowing where this came from or where its going.
It's already pretty good. If you want to polish it, I'd go to youtube. Make it shine.
Aegis looks like the POV character here. It clarifies things a lot when the first thing that happens is the POV character does something. "Aegis somethinged from somewhere, something something." or something. That way we have a character and a setting. Then you can use a line or three to describe the arena.
I'd also say something about Zerra and her opponent. Doesn't need to be much.
I've been listening to prose advice videos on youtube and going over my work once with each pointer they have in mind. Sometimes you want to ignore the advice because its bad. Still, the act of rewriting your sentences, reordering them, adding and subtracting and so on makes it feel more alive, and it makes you more limber.
*****
Aegis watched the fight from above, through the chains that surrounded the arena, hoping he hadn't made the wrong bet.
The metal floor shuddered as Zerra crashed, her opponent looming over her; the cheers died.
Recovered from their shock, the crowd surged, roaring as they clawed at the chains separating them from the match.
“The fight is rigged!”
“Give us our coin back, you houndspawn!”
“You two-faced cowards!”
The chains and shouts fell silent again. A trio of towering fiends stepped into the crowd, their thundering footsteps resounding.
Aegis sized them up. They wore the uniforms of enforcers, the personal bodyguards of the owner who ran the hidden arena.
Murmurs spread through the cursing, spitting crowd. Aegis turned with a sly smile, and walked back to his table.
His chair groaned as he sat.
“One gold and ten silver,” Aegis said as he picked up a piece of meat from his plate.
******
That's not much different than what you wrote, and its just how I revised it without knowing where this came from or where its going.
It's already pretty good. If you want to polish it, I'd go to youtube. Make it shine.
