Please review and let me know what to fix for my story

[RodentCowboy]

Saldor

Solnen is a nephalem; a being who is half angel half demon. Follow him has he tries to escape to a realm where no one can follow him... hopefully Disclaimer: cover pic isn't mine this is link https://www.google.com/search?q=halo+with+horns&rlz=1CAUIGY_enUS966&tbm=...

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[Yi_San]

Story is too rushed and mainly it lacks feelings. From what i read, the mc is running away from gods. To be precise, i couldn't sense his mental state through this story. In my opinion if the chapter can show the disappointment, panic and his strong will to live, it would be much better.
I am a beginner too and i have also posted a thread asking for opinion. So, if you feel that i am not worthy to judge your chapter, you can just ignore it. I just told what i felt..That's it.
Thankyou????

 

[Snusmumriken]

When I was born, the gods were furious. I was born to an angel mother and a demon father. The gods felt something be (was) born and was (were) curious if they can steer it towards their side. However, when they found me, they called me an abomination and tried to kill me. My name is Solnen White, I’m what they call a Nephalem, basically I’m half demon, half angel. (obvious many know what Nephilim are and it was already stated who parents are) I’ve been on the run for my whole life trying to find me a place where I can be safe from both gods. I’ve learned that every year since I was 5, I gain a new power every year.(repetition needs rephrasing) I currently have telekinesis, pyrokinesis (which my flames are blue and black), (needs rephrasing) the ability to transform to a different species, teleportation (I can only teleport once a day), and 1 more I don’t want to say because I despise it. But I try my best to survive out here but it is way too difficult here in Onmadon.

These are the most obvious errors in your prologue. The other chapters have similar issues. In my opinion, the best thing you can improve upon is your grammar as the mistakes make the story hard to read. Pay attention to plural/singular pairs, proper tenses and, for now, try to write a simple sentence and expand it. Or better yet write it once and then re-write it once your thoughts settle on what you were thinking of writing. Because at this moment it feels more like you are writing as you think about it and that is what potentially brings extra mistakes and weird sentence structures.