Paul's feedback thread

[TheTrinary]

Where is the link to the channel. Give it to meeeeeee

 

[Representing_Tromba]

Where is the link to the channel. Give it to meeeeeee

I'm working on that. I'll have it up by Friday.

Thank you so much for your honest thoughts.

Yeah, the grammar and the run-on sentences are something I need to fix. It is more evident in the first chapters, I think the later chapters are better. I will make some time for an edit run after finishing the current arc.

And you're right, I only started developing the Northmen in recent chapters, I also need to fix that.

Again, thank you so much for your time. It means a lot.

I'm glad you agree. Most of it is no issue stuff that can be easily fixed with another draft or two.

 

[Representing_Tromba]

Infinity in the Void - Freedom in the Abyss

Infinity in the Void – Freedom in the Abyss

A girl woke up in a white room, with no memory of who she was. Yet she knew deep inside her held a power unlike anyone, represented by the markings, the tattoos of the Eight Pointed Star, given to her by an unknown force. With her power, endless possibilities were...

www.scribblehub.com

Here is my novel, I'll wait for your harsh review

Rating system:
Grammar, rated 5
Spelling, rated 4
Plot, rated 4
characterization, rated 4
Enjoyment, rated 5
4.4 / 5

Your grammar is top-notch. There are a few minor spelling mistakes but most are rare and hard to notice. The plot is amazing but you could use a better hook within the first few chapters. Mostly it is just lore and character introductions. That said, all of these are really well done as the characters are absolutely amazing with great introspective views into their values as people. I highly enjoyed it and would absolutely keep reading it.

 

[melchi]

Rating system:
Grammar, rated 5
Spelling, rated 4
Plot, rated 4
characterization, rated 4
Enjoyment, rated 5
4.4 / 5

Your grammar is top-notch. There are a few minor spelling mistakes but most are rare and hard to notice. The plot is amazing but you could use a better hook within the first few chapters. Mostly it is just lore and character introductions. That said, all of these are really well done as the characters are absolutely amazing with great introspective views into their values as people. I highly enjoyed it and would absolutely keep reading it.

Ooo, I might have to check this one out.

 

[Representing_Tromba]

Welp, this is my first time submitting my novel for review. I am prepared for anything.

View attachment 19248

Rating system:
Grammar, rated from 4
Spelling, rated 5
Plot, rated 2
characterization, rated 5
Enjoyment, rated 4
4 / 5

I am interested in the characters as it is a very character-driven story. The plot could use some work as I am unsure as to what exactly it is. That said, I am interested enough in the characters to consider reading more. Your grammar is good, with the exception of a few moments where it could use some editing. Spelling is top notch and so is your characterization. Each of the characters feels real and very well-established. You could use a lot more description as it is very dialogue heavy. This isn’t much of an issue for most people but having more descriptions about how the characters act when they speak could make it better. Would probably keep reading but try working on your descriptions a little bit if you have the chance.

Paul you have a yt channel? May I do the obligatory recommendation of trying odysee?

Perhaps using name of a inn or similarly important buildings name could be cool. (My brain didn't brain so I forgor adding in your story)

This is so cool! I didn't know you had a youtube channel! Good luck with that! You could link it so I can follow.

I'll leave the link to my story below, however, I already got excellent feedback from Envy and Prince Azmiran, so I don't mind if you skip my story in favor of others who haven't received feedback yet.

Link:

Nowhere to Run

Nina is a young priestess who has just begun her journeys through the highlands, ancient home of the Clans. But unknown powers are scheming in the darkness, and everything falls apart when the barbaric Northmen suddenly come looking for her. Being too weak to fight, she will have to resort...

www.scribblehub.com

Paul, I've run multiple youtube channels before I tried writing novels, one of them having over 30, 000 subscribers with a few videos hitting over 500,000 in views.
If you want to expand outward, you want a generic-like name. What I mean is that if the channel isn't about YOU it should describe it's purpose. So, "Webnovel Critic, Webnovel Central, Terrible Webnovels." Those are just suggestions to get you the idea of what I mean by generic.

If you dont care about growth, and just want to have fun, then it doesnt really matter.

Can I have a read as well? Also, may I have a link to your youtube channel? Sounds fun to watch. In His Will

Where is the link to the channel. Give it to meeeeeee

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIFMEfvxpWwxUAFp0TifJ5g

I'm still working on it but I'll have the first video uploaded on Sunday.

 

[Kureous]

Rating system:
Grammar, rated from 4
Spelling, rated 5
Plot, rated 2
characterization, rated 5
Enjoyment, rated 4
4 / 5

I am interested in the characters as it is a very character-driven story. The plot could use some work as I am unsure as to what exactly it is. That said, I am interested enough in the characters to consider reading more. Your grammar is good, with the exception of a few moments where it could use some editing. Spelling is top notch and so is your characterization. Each of the characters feels real and very well-established. You could use a lot more description as it is very dialogue heavy. This isn’t much of an issue for most people but having more descriptions about how the characters act when they speak could make it better. Would probably keep reading but try working on your descriptions a little bit if you have the chance.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIFMEfvxpWwxUAFp0TifJ5g

I'm still working on it but I'll have the first video uploaded on Sunday.

Thank you! I've been working on descriptions in my later chapters, trying to show more than tell.

 

[Representing_Tromba]

Gonna be a hot minute. My upload speed is shit so it might be uploaded tomorrow or Tuesday at the latest. @HellerFeed @Kureous @Rhaps @Lorelliad will have their stories read. Also, if anyone knows a video editor who would be willing to work with me as I suck at video editing and am doing my best, that would be great.

 

[ArrogantYoungMaster]

Gonna be a hot minute.

Place a cold qi jade over hot areas.

 

[Representing_Tromba]

Place a cold qi jade over hot areas.

I would rather not place a cold qi jade on my crotch.

 

[ArrogantYoungMaster]

I would rather not place a cold qi jade on my crotch.

You're missing out

 

[Rhaps]

I would rather not place a cold qi jade on my crotch.

Any cold thing between your crotch is nicer than it sounds. Especially a cold metal ball, squeeze tightly in your crotch on a hot summer day.

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIFMEfvxpWwxUAFp0TifJ5g

I'm still working on it but I'll have the first video uploaded on Sunday.

You should add the link to the OP.

 

[Kureous]

Gonna be a hot minute. My upload speed is shit so it might be uploaded tomorrow or Tuesday at the latest. @HellerFeed @Kureous @Rhaps @Lorelliad will have their stories read. Also, if anyone knows a video editor who would be willing to work with me as I suck at video editing and am doing my best, that would be great.

Oh, what an honor!

 

[Representing_Tromba]

First video. The next one will be out hopefully tomorrow. I'm still looking for a video editor.

 

[melchi]

Such reading, very dramatic. Wow!

 

[Representing_Tromba]

Such reading, very dramatic. Wow!

I'm glad you think so.

 

[Representing_Tromba]

"Live reading" like reading it out loud? I'm really curious how my story, Renalia's Tale, sounds outside of my head-voice.

Good luck on your channel. It seems labor intensive but really interesting, so I hope it works out.

Rating system:
Grammar, rated from 5
Spelling, rated 5
Plot, rated 4
characterization, rated 4
Enjoyment, rated 3
4.2/5

I find the story to be rather intriguing. The grammar is perfect and so is the spelling. The plot is pretty good as it can hook a lot of people within the third chapter. The first chapter feels more like a prologue than a chapter and the second chapter feels more like a character introduction. That said, the characters feel very real, more so than a lot of the others I’ve read as even though they are 3-dimensional, they feel like real people you would meet daily. This isn’t the story for me but I do feel like it is worth reading and has an audience to discover it, even if I am not part of that audience. Though with an editor, I feel like this could sell as a full-blown novel series. You just need to find your audience and gain a following.

 

[Paul_Sawyer]

I'm interested in what you have to say about my story. It's an anthology of myths and legends of a made-up world stylized as a travel story.
Here's the link to it.

 

[Deleted member 84247]

I'm interested in what you have to say about my story. It's an anthology of myths and legends of a made-up world stylized as a travel story.
Here's the link to it.

Paul is going to review Paul. How the turns have tabled

 

[DataNerdX]

Rating system:
Grammar, rated from 5
Spelling, rated 5
Plot, rated 4
characterization, rated 4
Enjoyment, rated 3
4.2/5

I find the story to be rather intriguing. The grammar is perfect and so is the spelling. The plot is pretty good as it can hook a lot of people within the third chapter. The first chapter feels more like a prologue than a chapter and the second chapter feels more like a character introduction. That said, the characters feel very real, more so than a lot of the others I’ve read as even though they are 3-dimensional, they feel like real people you would meet daily. This isn’t the story for me but I do feel like it is worth reading and has an audience to discover it, even if I am not part of that audience. Though with an editor, I feel like this could sell as a full-blown novel series. You just need to find your audience and gain a following.

Thanks! I’m not sure who the audience is either. It's too dark for YA but too hopeful for grimdark.