Parenting worries

[minacia]

If you were a parent, what are the biggest worries/fears that you would have?

How would you address things if you feel like your child is going down a path you do not approve of?

What kind of parent do you think you would be? (And if you are a parent, what kind of parent are you?)

 

[RepresentingWrath]

Not providing enough money and time. Conversations. I don't know, bad one? Probably would spoil children.

 

[minacia]

Not providing enough money and time

What if you had to pick between earning more money and spending more time with kids?

 

[RepresentingWrath]

What if you had to pick between earning more money and spending more time with kids?

Both are equally bad, I would probably choose spending more time. I meant that sacrificing one for another is equally bad.

 

[Empress_Omnii]

Not exactly about being a patent but pregnancy is a fear. I wouldn't want to lose a significant other in the process.
More relevant I don't know if I would love them? Not at least to the level I would want myself to.
Finally, I don't think I'd be a good parent. I might be able to communicate and raise them fine, but I question my capabilities.

I don't think I explained myself well, but it's not a topic I'm really going to discuss.

 

[Seaspecter]

My son will be 18 this year and he’s talking about getting a job and moving out. I’m going to miss having him around the house and I worry that he won’t come to visit as often as I’d like.

 

[Alski]

Not exactly about being a patent but pregnancy is a fear. I wouldn't want to lose a significant other in the process.

If you live in a first world country you are more likely to die in traffic accident over the pregnancy period.

 

[Empress_Omnii]

If you live in a first world country you are more likely to die in traffic accident over the pregnancy period.

Thread didn't specify if they needed to be rational.

 

[minacia]

My son will be 18 this year and he’s talking about getting a job and moving out. I’m going to miss having him around the house and I worry that he won’t come to visit as often as I’d like.

What are your parenting pearls and parenting regrets after these years?

 

[Alski]

Thread didn't specify if they needed to be rational.

Just giving you information to help you either develop a new fear or get over an old one

 

[ShrimpShady]

Oh, I have almost nothing but anxieties about the idea of parenthood. First and foremost is the fact that there will be lapses in ensuring my children's safety. I won't always be able to watch over them and especially when they're younger, they're just so squishy and vulnerable to everything.

Once they're older, I'll have to worry about how to guide them through society. If they were gay or trans, how would I encourage them to embrace their identity while still keeping them safe from people who would harm them? And people absolutely would harm them where I'm from. It's also a country where you're compelled by law to identify with a religion. Do I, as a non-religious person, raise them in the religion on my state ID to help them navigate society more easily? Or do I raise them without specific religious values, at the risk of ostracization from society, especially before they reach adulthood?

Lastly (not really, but it's the last concern I could think of), humanity might just end in their lifetimes lmao. How could I justify having children with that in mind? Adoption, probably, which I've thought about.

I'm still a long way from becoming a parent though.

 

[Deleted member 84247]

I would not be a good parent. I'm not mentally capable of parenting. That's why I'll not have kids.

 

[Azhurie_Mythephan]

I'm not capable of having kids. I do take care of my younger siblings every day on weekdays though, and I can't claim that I don't have a favorite. My youngest sibling is so cute and squishy and he is the sweetest, most polite little guy you'll ever meet. It's hard to remember ages when you have so many siblings(8) to keep track of, so I don't remember his age, but I think he might be 2 years old.

 

[Rezcore]

I have nephews who I raised for 2 or 3 years. I was worried mostly about discipline. I worked my ass off to feed them, and even tired, I hung out with them. But I also had to discipline them. I tried the gentle methods the parenting books offered. Then I spanked them. The latter worked, the former failed. Turns out a Carrot and Stick discipline actually works

 

[minacia]

Once they're older, I'll have to worry about how to guide them through society. If they were gay or trans, how would I encourage them to embrace their identity while still keeping them safe from people who would harm them? And people absolutely would harm them where I'm from. It's also a country where you're compelled by law to identify with a religion. Do I, as a non-religious person, raise them in the religion on my state ID to help them navigate society more easily? Or do I raise them without specific religious values, at the risk of ostracization from society, especially before they reach adulthood?

Hmm, something I've been thinking about a lot lately is that you can't really assume that your children will share the same values as you. If you're left-leaning, they may not be so left-leaning (Gen Z seems to be more conservative than millennials... I wonder if it's only going to go more right...), and at least for me -- ultimately I feel like it's important to give my child all the ingredients they need to start in the most advantageous position possible.

I mean this from a psychological / mental health perspective too.

I wouldn't really want my child to be ostracized or bullied from kindergarten.

Maybe it's rather Machiavellian, but I'd be in favor of raising them in a way that would set them up for an easier time in society, but hope that they would find their way to beliefs that are similar to mine.

 

[ThisAdamGuy]

If you were a parent, what are the biggest worries/fears that you would have?

That I would treat my kids the way my Dad treated me. I don't know if it would be worse if I knew that I was doing it, or if I stayed as blissfully unaware as he was, absolutely convinced that I was the best dad in the world while I beat my kids over the most insignificant crap.

 

[Daydreamers]

If you were a parent, what are the biggest worries/fears that you would have?

the biggest worry is not being able to support them both financially and emotionally, but it's more of an obstacle than a worry, I won't have kids unless I'm certain I'm ready

How would you address things if you feel like your child is going down a path you do not approve of?

The best approach is communication, but for that to work, we need to have a strong and trusting relationship; so I'll address it from zero

What kind of parent do you think you would be? (And if you are a parent, what kind of parent are you?)

idk

 

[RepresentingCaution]

There are so many things to worry about, and so many of those things are out of my control, so I focus on the things I believe I have the most control over. Worries also change over different stages of development. There are also points where you just get too tired to worry.

I have nephews who I raised for 2 or 3 years. I was worried mostly about discipline. I worked my ass off to feed them, and even tired, I hung out with them. But I also had to discipline them. I tried the gentle methods the parenting books offered. Then I spanked them. The latter worked, the former failed. Turns out a Carrot and Stick discipline actually works

It stops behavior, but it also causes stress, which impairs brain development. You can use physical touch as a discipline tool, but it should ideally be kept gentle and playful in nature.

Try this one next time:
Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans: Doucleff, Michaeleen: 9781982149680: Amazon.com: Books

And this one was assigned by my human development professor in addition to the textbook:
Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent: Meredith F. Small: 9780385483629: Amazon.com: Books

Her books on kids is great, too.

My husband is listening to the "Good Inside" podcast right now, and it's making him a better person, but it's causing clashes in our parenting, and I'm begging him to listen to the "Hunt, Gather, Parent" audiobook, because he won't read things anymore because he's afraid of triggering his reading addiction.

 

[Rezcore]

There are so many things to worry about, and so many of those things are out of my control, so I focus on the things I believe I have the most control over. Worries also change over different stages of development. There are also points where you just get too tired to worry.



It stops behavior, but it also causes stress, which impairs brain development. You can use physical touch as a discipline tool, but it should ideally be kept gentle and playful in nature.

Try this one next time:
Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans: Doucleff, Michaeleen: 9781982149680: Amazon.com: Books

And this one was assigned by my human development professor in addition to the textbook:
Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent: Meredith F. Small: 9780385483629: Amazon.com: Books

Her books on kids is great, too.

My husband is listening to the "Good Inside" podcast right now, and it's making him a better person, but it's causing clashes in our parenting, and I'm begging him to listen to the "Hunt, Gather, Parent" audiobook, because he won't read things anymore because he's afraid of triggering his reading addiction.

Physical punishment is a last resort for me. I do other things first.