Painful realization

Juia_Darkcrest

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I am working on a project that has some child abuse in it, well teenage girl (15) being smacked (once, not beaten half to death, though the threat is there) for not working on the farm while the family is trying to clear enough land to plant so they can actually try and survive the aftermath of an apocalypse.

I am trying to make the father be a bad guy, even putting in an allusion to a history of violence and traumas for the man to make him the way he is now, but I cant for the life of my sympathise with this girl slacking off in this situation, and am developing empathy for the father trying his best to keep his family alive.

am...am I the bad guy now?
 

Dec

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am...am I the bad guy now?
Nah.
What's "good" and "bad" oftentimes depends on from where you are looking for.
If we take the girl side and she tells someone that she was hit by her father, it paints the father in the bad light.
If we take the father side and he tells someone that he smacked his daughter for slacking off while whole family worked themselves to the bones, it isn't bad at all. Not all might agree with this course of action, but almost no one will have it against the father, as most of them would do something similar in his boots. And given his history you mentioned, he wasn't abusive at all. He is better.

So, if you really want to make the father a bad figure... you need to try something different. Like maybe him taking all the money and spending it in brothels, while drinking and often beating someone somewhere.
Cause as it stands now, the girl is the "bad one" in this situation if we look at the bigger picture.
 

Juia_Darkcrest

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Nah.
What's "good" and "bad" oftentimes depends on from where you are looking for.
If we take the girl side and she tells someone that she was hit by her father, it paints the father in the bad light.
If we take the father side and he tells someone that he smacked his daughter for slacking off while whole family worked themselves to the bones, it isn't bad at all. Not all might agree with this course of action, but almost no one will have it against the father, as most of them would do something similar in his boots. And given his history you mentioned, he wasn't abusive at all. He is better.

So, if you really want to make the father a bad figure... you need to try something different. Like maybe him taking all the money and spending it in brothels, while drinking and often beating someone somewhere.
Cause as it stands now, the girl is the "bad one" in this situation if we look at the bigger picture.
Not that I necessarily want to make him bad, but brutal. I think I am getting there, this was only a short 500 word or so introduction to this family. She will come up again later, maybe having some character growth of her own.

I was just hoping to paint her as more of a damsel in distress when I started writing it, but the further I went, it was more like she was just a brat who, despite knowing the situation, leaned on her shovel while her mother and sister kept working, and her father and very pregnant aunt were setting up solar panels as the diesel they had stored away was running low. i gave some context about poor nutrition and lack of physical exercise making her tried quickly, but still, I don't hold much empathy for her from this interaction.

I want to put many morally dubious things in this work, as the world is no longer the earth as we know it, but one that was struck by a meteor similar to the chicxulub impact, and how the few survivors make their way through this new world while there is a meddling higher being giving my MC a 'system' to help him along.
 
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I'm a bit older than the average person on Scribblehub, so I grew up with Mister Rogers. The key insight that Mister Rogers tried to convey in every episode is basically
You should measure yourself by your actions, not by your feelings.
Many of his songs, puppet interludes, and lessons were about this. His famous "What do you do with the mad that you feel" song whose lyrics he read when testifying before Congress is a great example!

So in terms of story writing, if you're asking "who is the bad guy here" then that question is answered by character actions rather than character feelings. Is someone's harshness actually serving to protect someone and keep them safe? Or are they just frustrated at the world and using that as an excuse, in a way that the reader will see because their harshess continues to come through in situations where it doesn't actually contribute to anyone's survival?

(I'm basically ignoring the question "is smacking a child actually the most effective way to impress seriousness on them?" Because the answer is that it's not, but many people believe it is, and honestly there are a lot of forms of emotional abuse which are way worse than being smacked. And like most people, I don't think e.g. parents who spank their kids are "the bad guys" of the world.)

FWIW, I don't think you need to give the father a different motivation or even change the incident you've described. For example, is the girl slacking off because she's learned that no amount of work would be enough to avoid punishment? If you want to make it complicated, maybe she was insolent when she was younger, the father fell into the habit of corporal punishment, and then continued it long past the point where it continued to make sense. To paraphrase an old Tumblr post, "Nothing is more demoralizing than realizing that success and failure are equally punished." That could serve as both an explanation of why the father is a villain despite the seemingly understandable motivation, and also why the girl is sympathetic despite slacking off.

But that's just one idea of many. Hopefully this feedback gives you some useful ideas to play around with.
 

Juia_Darkcrest

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I'm a bit older than the average person on Scribblehub, so I grew up with Mister Rogers. The key insight that Mister Rogers tried to convey in every episode is basically

Many of his songs, puppet interludes, and lessons were about this. His famous "What do you do with the mad that you feel" song whose lyrics he read when testifying before Congress is a great example!

So in terms of story writing, if you're asking "who is the bad guy here" then that question is answered by character actions rather than character feelings. Is someone's harshness actually serving to protect someone and keep them safe? Or are they just frustrated at the world and using that as an excuse, in a way that the reader will see because their harshess continues to come through in situations where it doesn't actually contribute to anyone's survival?

(I'm basically ignoring the question "is smacking a child actually the most effective way to impress seriousness on them?" Because the answer is that it's not, but many people believe it is, and honestly there are a lot of forms of emotional abuse which are way worse than being smacked. And like most people, I don't think e.g. parents who spank their kids are "the bad guys" of the world.)

FWIW, I don't think you need to give the father a different motivation or even change the incident you've described. For example, is the girl slacking off because she's learned that no amount of work would be enough to avoid punishment? If you want to make it complicated, maybe she was insolent when she was younger, the father fell into the habit of corporal punishment, and then continued it long past the point where it continued to make sense. To paraphrase an old Tumblr post, "Nothing is more demoralizing than realizing that success and failure are equally punished." That could serve as both an explanation of why the father is a villain despite the seemingly understandable motivation, and also why the girl is sympathetic despite slacking off.

But that's just one idea of many. Hopefully this feedback gives you some useful ideas to play around with.
I like it, thanks
 

Prince_Azmiran_Myrian

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You spent enough time on the father to develop sympathy for him. This is a mistake many authors make trying to flush the villain character out more.
Spend more time focusing on whats causing victim to behave as they are. Make sure it is unjust.
 

Juia_Darkcrest

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here is the excerpt of the chapter. the pods are a DDVRMMO program that lets them play games, learn things with an AI assistant, basically an escape from the hellscape they live in.


April 1st, 2071, ten years After Impact
Unknown Location, North American Continent



*Slap, Slap*


"Owww...it...hurts" the quiet voice said, her voice dripping in pain, tears rolling down her red cheeks where she was slapped.


"It is suppose to, now do as your told, else I will do it again. Don't test me you snotty face brat." A mans rough voice growled at her, pulling on her pony tail, his other hand raised again.


"Yes...yes father." She said, and he released her.


She flinched at the movement of his hands for a moment, then got back to work, clearing the dust away from their families land. She had barely any memories prior to the bunker she lived in for the last ten years with her family, and the ones she had were the only good ones. Other then when she and her sister were playing games in the pods anyways.


It wasn't always this bad, her fathers temper, but ever since they began to run low on food, he was growing even more irritable. It got worse when he ran out of alcohol. Now they were outside, and he was forcing them to clear the ground around the bunker so they could grow plants.


They all had used the pods to learn what they could about growing food, the program called 'The Akashic Records' teaching them everything they could learn about survival and farming. She thought she had learned quite a bit and was happy with her progress.


The problem was her body was small and weak. Despite being 15 years old already, the lack of proper nutrition and exercise for all those years left her exhausted after only a few minutes of work, barely clearing the space around her. Her sister was not much better, but the old man had focused his temper on her this time.


It wasn't like her father was doing nothing but watching them work, he was busy setting up some solar panels with her aunt, her pregnant belly saying she was due any day now. They were hoping to be able to completely shut the generators off soon, before they ran out of fuel. They were already rationing power to six hours a day, two in the morning, one at lunch, and three in the evening to use the pods.


There were batteries, but those were getting older, and used only for the air exchanger, a pump in the toilet, and some lighting. Any cooking, electronics, or the Pods, could only be used with the generator on.


She didn't understand how life had turned out this way, she just hoped that someday she would be rescued from this place somehow. She didn't want to live in this world, not the way it is. She would rather go back to the pod and live out whatever remained of this existence in there.


"Issie! Stop leaning on that shovel and get back to work before I smack you instead! I won't be as gentle as your father." Her mother said beside her, keeping her voice down so not to let the old man know his daughter was slacking off again minutes after getting slapped. She was generally a good mother, but took no nonsense from her daughters when it came to work.


"Yes mother." Isabella said, then started to shovel the dust again. Beside her, her twin sister Anna looked at her and nodded her head in sympathy, a single lock of her platinum blonde hair tied up in a bun coming free and brushing her face, her crystal blue eyes matching Isabella's own.


She buckled down then, and would try her best. It was either that or die, and despite her earlier thoughts, she wasn't ready for death yet.


She wished her uncle was still alive. Having him here would make the others less tense. She knew it.
 

CharlesEBrown

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Consider the "far too tough drill sergeant" as a model - this guy firmly believes that the only way to get positive results is through being the enemy of his charges, so he is as mean and tough as possible. Sometimes he gets a little too much into the role, sometimes he even starts to lose sight of why he plays it and goes too far. It is all done out of a slightly twisted but noble sense of duty over all else - it is his JOB to make sure things get done, and get done properly. Even if it pains him, he'll do everything he can to make sure that happens. He SHOULD be a semi-sympathetic, in a "there but for the grace of God goes I" way, not in a "yeah, his view makes sense" or "ugh, he's a monster!" way.
 

Juia_Darkcrest

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Consider the "far too tough drill sergeant" as a model - this guy firmly believes that the only way to get positive results is through being the enemy of his charges, so he is as mean and tough as possible. Sometimes he gets a little too much into the role, sometimes he even starts to lose sight of why he plays it and goes too far. It is all done out of a slightly twisted but noble sense of duty over all else - it is his JOB to make sure things get done, and get done properly. Even if it pains him, he'll do everything he can to make sure that happens. He SHOULD be a semi-sympathetic, in a "there but for the grace of God goes I" way, not in a "yeah, his view makes sense" or "ugh, he's a monster!" way.
lord, i had one of those in basic training many years ago...hah yep I can probably relate this dad to that guy.

Also had a instructor who pulled up in his Ferrero while we were polishing boots outside. He jumped out of the car, pulled out a compound bow and aimed it at us, and told us if we didn't have a proper shine on our boot the next morning he was going to put arrows through our lockers.

good times.
 

IdoruToei

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So your characters are both good and bad. Ambiguity is great, the readers will resonate with the characters long after they put the book down.
Essentially, you let your readers continue the story and reflect, and allow them to project their own circumstances into your world.
If you can pull that off, it is perfection. It is not good or bad. It is engaging and holistic.
 
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