Who's saying this?
A lot going on here. Why are the names bolded? What's an ever-changing sky? What are the green flames? Where are they - first off they're running through the palace and then all of a sudden they're in the skies. This is a very surface-level way of setting the scene.
Comma splice. Also this is contradictory - "seemed to have a mind of its own" implies this is just regular lightning that shouldn't be acting like this, but it being an assault from a god contradicts that. "Dive-bombed" implies there's a target they're aiming for.
I can't picture the logistics of what's happening here.
This absolutely does not seem like something someone running for their life would say/do. Also aren't they falling at this point? How can she be nuzzling someone's neck?
They didn't sort this out before they fled? What's happening here? Did they start the war? Did they burn the palace? The opening makes it seem like they're fleeing war, but this dialogue implies otherwise. Should also be "we're" not "were".
He was waiting for them where? Where are they going? Where's all this happening?
This pronoun use implies the she is Ares, not Zara. Also it's got to be difficult to draw an arrow with someone clinging to you.
Does it?
Slow down and spend more time in the scene. I looked at the next chapter and was pleased to see aroace rep.
