Offering Feedback for BL novels

[Deleted member 40682]

Hey, this is a thread that I thought I would make to find other fujoshis. And to of course find some reading material for when I'm not working on my own story.

BL novels of all kinds are welcome but fantasy and romance are especially welcome. And if your story is BL harem then I will leave a 5 star just because that's my bias
✧˖*✧◝(^▽^)◜✧˖*✧

I can leave a review and rating or I can reply with feedback on this thread, just let me know.

 

[Staria]

there are a few in my to-read list here, which is a small list, that you can look at! i haven't read any yet, being my to-read and too busy/tired to read. enjoy reading/reviewing! 0:

 

[Deleted member 40682]

Wrong thread

Lol for a second I had thought someone actually named their BL story that.

 

[Luxican]

I would be so happy, if someone gave me an opinion on my story... Especially since it's my first BL and really planned out story I decided to post on the internet.
There aren't many chapters out yet, but it would be nice to at least know what I can improve.

My story is : Soul-Realm Cards

It's a bit like Quick-Transmigration, but without Sytem and all that.

After you read it(if you're even interested in my story haha), you can do what ever you prefer, write a review, answer on this thread,..., everything is fine with me :)
Thank you in advance

 

[The_Long_Serpent]

Many have agreed that I have a weird as hell mxm book, and I would like to have an experienced reader read it for me. Only one chapter is up on ScribbleHub, but I can send you a more completed draft on Google Docs, or the Wattpad link.

It's been described as a porn with plot, without the porn or plot.

 

[TheTrinary]

Lol for a second I had thought someone actually named their BL story that.

Well now I know what I'm writing next.

But for real. What is BL? I have no idea.

 

[tiaf]

Well now I know what I'm writing next.

But for real. What is BL? I have no idea.

Boys Love

 

[Maple-Leaf]

You should join the cult.

 

[Deleted member 40682]

I would be so happy, if someone gave me an opinion on my story... Especially since it's my first BL and really planned out story I decided to post on the internet.
There aren't many chapters out yet, but it would be nice to at least know what I can improve.

My story is : Soul-Realm Cards

It's a bit like Quick-Transmigration, but without Sytem and all that.

After you read it(if you're even interested in my story haha), you can do what ever you prefer, write a review, answer on this thread,..., everything is fine with me :)
Thank you in advance

So I finally got around to reading your story and the premise of realm cards grabbed me immediately. I'm guessing this will be a story of MC (Januar) growing from loser to Elite? Personally, my vanity don't allow me to write weak, ugly duckling protagonists xD and I also tend to avoid reading stories with such MCs but you did a good job of showing his timidity and low self-esteem.

My suggestions would be to work more on the fluidity of your scene changes and subtly inserting info. For example, in the prologue I had to read it twice before I realized the information on the info on soul cards was supposed to be part of the professor's lecture. Maybe you could italicize these sections? It was also a bit of an info dump, and a lot could have been left out to be revealed later in the story. Instead, it would have flowed better if instead of going into the detail on the type of tasks there was some information on the types of cards and their ranking since in the scene following is about the kinds of cards one can get and we have Frederic supposedly getting a really badass card while Januar gets a useless card. As for information on tasks. It could be revealed after Januar had been sucked into his realm and as the author you could have him mentally recalling the types of tasks and have him try to deduce what his was.

Similarily, in chapter 1.1 the scene it began with while nicely adding a bit of mystery seemed very sudden and kind of choppy. Coming from chapter 0.1 it hadn't been too clear that we were now in Januar's card realm. Perhaps you could add some more fantastical elements to the process of being sucked into your card realm because I had truly thought Januar fainted. So it was confusing to see an unknown man being killed when I hit next. Again, I would italicize this section to differentiate it as past event on the timeline. Or you could move it to the chapter where the previous driver Nick was first mentioned (I'm guessing the scene was of Nick's death right?).

Overall, it was not bad at all for a non native English speaker.

 

[Deleted member 40682]

Many have agreed that I have a weird as hell mxm book, and I would like to have an experienced reader read it for me. Only one chapter is up on ScribbleHub, but I can send you a more completed draft on Google Docs, or the Wattpad link.

It's been described as a porn with plot, without the porn or plot.

Sounds interesting. I read your first chapter on SH. Not much to nitpick on the grammar and writing style, and the two characters reminded me of Will Graham and Hannibal (boathouse, deer like demon figure). But I felt like the interaction between MC and demon was a bit....bland? Like MC displayed no signs of fear or much reaction to seeing a demon appear in his home. It looked like MC was used to seeing demons show up and were aware of their existence? The struggle also lacked the suspense it could have. Also, the demon did not seem menacing at all despite being a well, demon. To be honest, the summary sounded much more intriguing. But, this is only the first chapter so maybe I'll change my mind.

 

[Luxican]

So I finally got around to reading your story and the premise of realm cards grabbed me immediately. I'm guessing this will be a story of MC (Januar) growing from loser to Elite? Personally, my vanity don't allow me to write weak, ugly duckling protagonists xD and I also tend to avoid reading stories with such MCs but you did a good job of showing his timidity and low self-esteem.

My suggestions would be to work more on the fluidity of your scene changes and subtly inserting info. For example, in the prologue I had to read it twice before I realized the information on the info on soul cards was supposed to be part of the professor's lecture. Maybe you could italicize these sections? It was also a bit of an info dump, and a lot could have been left out to be revealed later in the story. Instead, it would have flowed better if instead of going into the detail on the type of tasks there was some information on the types of cards and their ranking since in the scene following is about the kinds of cards one can get and we have Frederic supposedly getting a really badass card while Januar gets a useless card. As for information on tasks. It could be revealed after Januar had been sucked into his realm and as the author you could have him mentally recalling the types of tasks and have him try to deduce what his was.

Similarily, in chapter 1.1 the scene it began with while nicely adding a bit of mystery seemed very sudden and kind of choppy. Coming from chapter 0.1 it hadn't been too clear that we were now in Januar's card realm. Perhaps you could add some more fantastical elements to the process of being sucked into your card realm because I had truly thought Januar fainted. So it was confusing to see an unknown man being killed when I hit next. Again, I would italicize this section to differentiate it as past event on the timeline. Or you could move it to the chapter where the previous driver Nick was first mentioned (I'm guessing the scene was of Nick's death right?).

Overall, it was not bad at all for a non native English speaker.

Thank you very much!
Now I know where I can improve!

And yes, this story is about self-improvement, I want Januar to slowly get better and gain more confidence (I hope I will be able to do that, it's my first novel with real purpose haha).

Again thank you for reading my novel, I will try to rework the first few chapters and add more flow :)

 

[The_Long_Serpent]

Sounds interesting. I read your first chapter on SH. Not much to nitpick on the grammar and writing style, and the two characters reminded me of Will Graham and Hannibal (boathouse, deer like demon figure). But I felt like the interaction between MC and demon was a bit....bland? Like MC displayed no signs of fear or much reaction to seeing a demon appear in his home. It looked like MC was used to seeing demons show up and were aware of their existence? The struggle also lacked the suspense it could have. Also, the demon did not seem menacing at all despite being a well, demon. To be honest, the summary sounded much more intriguing. But, this is only the first chapter so maybe I'll change my mind.

All feedback counts!

 

[heheawecomemana]

*raises hands up nervously...
Would you be willing to read my story? Hehehe it's my first published story...Ik the MC is a little bland at the moment...but you would understand once it gets explained for why he acts a certain way. But I do want some feedback to see how I can improve the story :) pls and thank you! Story is called Death Threat...it does contain gore to be warned.

 

[lilGoat]

Hey, this is a thread that I thought I would make to find other fujoshis. And to of course find some reading material for when I'm not working on my own story.

BL novels of all kinds are welcome but fantasy and romance are especially welcome. And if your story is BL harem then I will leave a 5 star just because that's my bias
✧˖*✧◝(^▽^)◜✧˖*✧

I can leave a review and rating or I can reply with feedback on this thread, just let me know.

I'd be happy for any feedback you're ready to dish out! My story is a heavy Historical Fiction Fantasy with elements of Horror. It's a BL set in a Theocracy in late Bronze Age Levant. Very slow and heavy on world building. Read at your own discretion, only 13 chapters are currently available on SH.

Salt [BL]

[MC & ML illustrations available inside the novel | Story updates once a week every Monday] Travel back in time to the Late Bronze Age and you might catch a glimpse at a historically inaccurate, fantastical depiction of life in the Levant. Among sand dunes and the alluring fragrance of the...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[OkuraTsukiko]

You should join the cult.

That I agree