They say the Divine War ended when a silver-haired figure struck down gods and demons alike— not for crown nor faith, but to silence the chaos itself. Neither heaven nor hell could claim him, and so both cast him out. Banished, forgotten, he fell into the mortal world with nothing...
www.scribblehub.com
Can I get one as well?
I'll probably not like it but I want one...
Your cover is drab and unattractive — the sepia toning doesn't draw the eye and muddies the figure of the character against the background. Brighter colors would be a relief.
Your synopsis, however, is actually quite good; it draws me into the world of the story and gives me a good sense of the main character's role in the fictional universe.
You start the chapter off with some nice imagery — sky-cracks have been done a few times, but they're just cool so I'm not tired of them yet —
I'm humming along in a sense of gravitas and godly war and then...
Among the ruins, one figure remained. Coffee—the child of the Demon Queen and the God of War.
The child of the demon queen and the god of war is named
Coffee. This completely undercuts his sense of gravitas and dignity. Is he literally the deity of coffee, the drink? I've seen it done in other stories. I read ahead. No sign of power over coffee. I go back and check the tags. No comedy genre. I am assailed by the fact that you want me to take seriously a god named Coffee who isn't even the god
of Coffee. I notice your username. It clicks into place: Coffee is a
self-insert, which just makes it feel even more clunky because now you're asking me to see you, the author, as a deity.
Change the name to something with more gravitas, I am begging you. Your writing has a sense of weight to it in every way but this. Your characterization is good. You have a clear sense of character arc movement. Your deity drips with power in every way but this. Every time I see the name it makes me want to burst out laughing. Please, I am begging you, your story would have tremendously more legs if you just gave the deity a properly weighty name or even just an
ordinary one instead of being named
Coffee.
Until then, I just
cannot take this piece seriously.
Thank goodness someone else is stepping up to help authors as well. Bless you. ?
Thanks to you too, Leilani. I could tell the critique threads were getting swamped, and I like discovering new stories, so I figured, hey, why not? As I expected, there's an infinite supply of stuff to crit, but that's just how it goes.
Good timezone to you as well. You offer sincere judgement. I'm really interested to have your critiques.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/211234/the-impossible-fate-that-leads-to-a-god-of-a-new-world/
Your cover has a clever gimmick (the character holding the text) but the title would really, really benefit from a simple white outline to make it stand out from the character. You can do this fairly easily in a free image editor like GIMP if you have access to a computer. Otherwise it's fine.
Your synopsis communicates what happens in the story! Huzzah! But it's got some obvious grammatical errors in it too. Additionally, Lucifer Nightwalker Von Nightmare is — it's a name that falls into a very narrow spectrum. It tells me (if done well) that this is an overpowered character who is larger than life and doesn't quite play by the rules of reality. If that is not the case, then the author is merely an edgelord pretending to the throne of series like Hellsing.
Let's see which it is! Opening the chapter, I am greeted with... An actually god-damn good fight scene with a protagonist who just plain refuses to die! And clever enemies, who go after him with skill and trickery! Yes! We are in the first category!
Well done, you've earned me reading the next chapter. I'm caught up in your protagonist's fate and can't wait to see how he gets out of this one.
(I notice some oddnesses — the angle brackets for titles, some bad grammar — but it doesn't destroy the effect. Some proofreading could help though to make it slicker.)
Chapters two and three capture me — the pacing is strong, the fights are cool, you don't give your protagonists easy outs from their problems at all. Honestly I could stand to learn from you a little in how you handle conflict.
That's the good news. The bad news is that Lucifer in
no way comes across as ten. He reads as probably fourteen to sixteen or so. You can fudge this a certain amount given your genre of over the top action and his family history, but he'd be much more believable as an older child. If that causes timeline issues you can push some events further back into the past.
Also, the section where Lucifer checks every room in the house by name and finds them all empty reads as padding to me, rather than emphasizing Lucifer's panic. Condense it down, don't do 20 one or two word sentences in a row, or at least give me some internal sensations (for emotions, things like racing breath or pounding heart) or reactions for Lucifer in the middle of the search as it grows increasingly desperate. Twenty one or two word sentences in a row feels like a stuck record and destroys the flow of the piece.
I like what you're writing; it could use some more edits for grammar issues and awkwardnesses but overall it has a solid core and is worth reading. Thank you for sharing!
I appreciate you for reviewing so many people's works and giving your insights. I would really like someone to review my writing, but it's fine if you'd rather avoid it. (The chief goal of the writing is to disturb even the target audience, after all.) Thanks again for all you've done! 
