New to writing..

[Hazbel]

So, this my first story ever, I just want just want to hear some words of criticism, a fat reality check, be as harsh as you want I can take it like a tough kid, but be warmed my English is pretty awful, the tense are all messed up, I'm planning on fixing them later.

How I Became The Greatest Pretender

One true self is always concealed, only when wearing a mask can we truly be ourselves.

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Sunsetinapainting]

So, this my first story ever, I just want just want to hear some words of criticism, a fat reality check, be as harsh as you want I can take it like a tough kid, but be warmed my English is pretty awful, the tense are all messed up, I'm planning on fixing them later.

How I Became The Greatest Pretender

One true self is always concealed, only when wearing a mask can we truly be ourselves.

www.scribblehub.com

I love your courage

 

[Lufli]

So, this my first story ever, I just want just want to hear some words of criticism, a fat reality check, be as harsh as you want I can take it like a tough kid, but be warmed my English is pretty awful, the tense are all messed up, I'm planning on fixing them later.

How I Became The Greatest Pretender

One true self is always concealed, only when wearing a mask can we truly be ourselves.

www.scribblehub.com

I read about half of Chapter 1 (I also skimmed the prologue but stopped after a few lines), and you already seem aware of some of the main issues: tense shifts and a few “constructed”/unnatural phrasing choices.
One big thing that stood out to me, though: the narration leans heavily on telling. To be fair, I’ve only read part of it, but I couldn’t really find many lines where you show an emotion or moment through concrete details (body language, sensory cues, actions), instead of stating it directly.
Why this matters: “Show, don’t tell” makes the reader feel the scene instead of just understanding it intellectually. When you show (what someone does, how the room feels, how tension sits in the body), the reader builds the picture themselves and that’s what creates immersion and emotional punch.
Good luck.