New to writing, Please help

[FrenzyWanderer]

I'm constantly facing this problem

If you asked me to describe an emotion, I can do that. even 'show don't tell' stuff I can work it out
If I analyze beat by beat... I have written each beat ok

But the problem is combining these things

Let's say I cam across a something flat and uninteresting

I'd instinctively add something from outside instead of refining the said statement

I asked chatGPT to give me a writing excercise this is my answer compared to what it gave me

My Answer:

Kyle opened the door with a bang! He stepped into the house, one strap of his bag already slipped from his shoulder.
He threw the bag away, landing near the shoe rack

The house felt quite—Not the quietness he usually experienced But something felt wrong—He checked his wrist watch.

It’s 5’00 p.m. Clearly this house should have been filled with laughter and clatter. Father, Mother, Sister all should have came home by now. His gaze shifted towards the shoe rack. It was empty… He checked the couch for good measure, Where his sister usually keeps her dolls. But there was no one there too

“Mom!” He shouted, Hoping for a response,


What it gave me back:


Kyle shoved the door open, his bag slipping off his shoulder as he stepped inside. The house was quiet—but not the usual evening calm. Something felt off.
He glanced at the shoe rack. Empty. Every pair gone.

A cold weight settled in his stomach.

He crossed the living room quickly, eyes landing on the couch where his sister always left her dolls. Nothing.
“Mom?” he called, voice tightening as the silence pressed back.


So here the descriptions feel more Coherent and every word lead toward Something

But in my writing I feel the descriptions are scattered and as a result not that interesting

4. Pacing breaks​

Jumping from:

• opening door
• watch check
• shoe rack
• couch
• shouting

… creates a scattered rhythm. We need smoother escalation.





Another Example:

A character opens their fridge, and something unexpected is inside.

My answer :

Shawn opened the fridge. The fridge was filled with vegetables, snacks, juices and all sort of things.

His hand slid for through the vegetables, trying to find a carrot for his dinner His fingers came across something cold and metallic

He instinctively took his arm back. Causing several vegetables to fall onto the ground

Huh!? His hand quickly scrambled the vegetables,

Trying to have a better view of what’s inside. One all the vegetables were taken away what he observed was
“A knife?!” His eye brows narrowed,

and he scratched his head awkwardly, meanwhile his lips moving unconsciously even though he intended his next words to be just a thought “Who put a knife in my fridge”


What they gave me :

Shawn opened the fridge. The fridge was filled with vegetables, snacks, juices and all sort of things.
His hand slid for through the vegetables, trying to find a carrot for his dinner
His fingers came across something cold and metallic
He instinctively took his arm back. Causing several vegetables to fall onto the ground
Huh!?
His hand quickly scrambled the vegetables, Trying to have a better view of what’s inside. One all the vegetables were taken away what he observed was
“A knife?!”
His eye brows narrowed, and he scratched his head awkwardly, meanwhile his lips moving unconsciously even though he intended his next words to be just a thought
“Who put a knife in my fridge”

1. Sentences sometimes lose flow​

You jump between actions, thoughts, and descriptions without connecting them smoothly.

2. Emotional response is vague or generic​

“His eyebrows narrowed”
“she couldn’t decide”
These aren't deep enough to pull readers in.

3. Ideas appear suddenly without setup​

“[Blahh]!”
“vegetables falling on the ground!”
These feel like random additions meant to fill a flat moment.

4. Repetition and grammar issues​

Small errors break immersion.



How would I tackle this issue, Or am I overthinking?

Would be a great help
Thank you in advance

 

[Crimsonsake]

Since I am also new here's what I did since I faced a similar situation. I took a chapter from a book I liked and spend hours dissecting how the chapters were written. How the sentence flows, where emotions were added( it changes highly depending on genre).
You are trying to imitate professional writing which takes years to build.
What you are thinking while writing majorly affects what shows.

 

[FrenzyWanderer]

Thank you. @Crimsonsake

 

[Crimsonsake]

I will try to point out some basic mistake which i observed and it's not about how it's written is about what are you writing.

Note - english is not my first language i may have made mistakes. Apologizing in advance.

Shawn opened the fridge. The fridge was filled with vegetables, snacks, juices and all sort of things.( These are things which are always kept in fridge. Why write that. Write what he saw. most important what his intent in opening the fridge is looking to eat something, is he checking something.)



His hand slid for through the vegetables, trying to find a carrot for his dinner His fingers came across something cold and metallic.( No body slides hand over his food. Vegetable are kept in crisper drawer. As this section provides controlled humidity. He may tried to take the carrot which where at the bottom of the drawer.)



He instinctively took his arm back. Causing several vegetables to fall onto the ground. ( He may taken his arm instinctively back because he felt pain.)



Huh!? His hand quickly scrambled the vegetables,



Trying to have a better view of what’s inside. One all the vegetables were taken away what he observed was

“A knife?!” His eye brows narrowed,



and he scratched his head awkwardly, meanwhile his lips moving unconsciously even though he intended his next words to be just a thought “Who put a knife in my fridge”

I did not point out all mistakes.

 

[FrenzyWanderer]

Note - english is not my first language i may have made mistakes. Apologizing in advance.

Same here

 

[Fairemont]

You might be a bit harder on yourself than you need to be.

Kyle opened the door with a bang! He stepped into the house, one strap of his bag already slipped from his shoulder.
He threw the bag away, landing near the shoe rack

The house felt quite—Not the quietness he usually experienced But something felt wrong—He checked his wrist watch.

It’s 5’00 p.m. Clearly this house should have been filled with laughter and clatter. Father, Mother, Sister all should have came home by now. His gaze shifted towards the shoe rack. It was empty… He checked the couch for good measure, Where his sister usually keeps her dolls. But there was no one there too

“Mom!” He shouted, Hoping for a response,

This is not bad by any means.

Anyway, here are some tips from me:

Step one: Write down whatever you have in mind and don't concern yourself with the details. This gets it onto paper. Lets say that this section above is the first draft of what you wrote (it might already be).

Step two: Go back to it, look through it, and then highlight the important details, the big emotions, the unique features, or the things you want to emphasize.

Kyle opened the door with a bang! He stepped into the house, one strap of his bag already slipped from his shoulder.
He threw the bag away, landing near the shoe rack

The house felt quite—Not the quietness he usually experienced But something felt wrong—He checked his wrist watch.

It’s 5’00 p.m. Clearly this house should have been filled with laughter and clatter. Father, Mother, Sister all should have came home by now. His gaze shifted towards the shoe rack. It was empty… He checked the couch for good measure, Where his sister usually keeps her dolls. But there was no one there too

“Mom!” He shouted, Hoping for a response,

I highlighted a few things.

The bang is a big sound with a lot of energy.

The house feeling quiet is a noteworthy detail. That something feels wrong is a massive modifier and a big mood setter.

That people should have been home from now is a piece of a mystery. That there is no evidence of anyone being around adds to that.

Step Three: Take these details and structure everything around them.

Bang!

The door rattled on its hinges as Kyle hurriedly shuffled into his family's home and promptly deposited his backpack near an empty shoe rack.

"I'm home!"

There was no response.

He took a tentative step towards the living room and looked about. Something was clearly wrong. His parents should be back from work by now, and his sister would have been home from school at least an hour ago, but the house was eerily silent. He glanced back to the shoe rack. Empty. Then he checked the couch where his sister kept her dolls, but they were not there.

The only one in the house was Kyle.

"Mom?" he half-shouted with a wavering voice.

He hoped for a response, but nothing changed.

Complete, utter silence.

Kyle was alone.

Drama! Tension! Mystery!

Where is his family? Why aren't they there? Did something happen to them?

Perhaps, most importantly, what will Kyle do next?

 

[FrenzyWanderer]

@Fairemont

Thank you so much

This actually feels like a great way... I'll try it

One more thing... In my novel (Which I uploaded 'ch18' in another post. I've written quite a chunk of it... Would you think is it better to start upload now or Finish the story to the end first and then upload

Chapters are more or less in these quality. But first few chapters need more fleshing out as I've written them, when my writing was not up to the level

And if uploading what is the usual chapter length (Word count) and Frequency? (Like is one chapter per week ok?)

 

[Fairemont]

That is sort of a personal preference thing. If you're trying to maximize exposure, having a lot of chapters pre-written so you can release on a consistent schedule is generally the best strategy.

If you don't really care that much then you can just do things however you want.

I will say that taking time to proofread at a minimum, and preferably even revise a bit to get things neat and orderly before posting is highly recommended.

 

[Joelle]

I was also facing the same situation, but since I'm pretty new to writing (I mean, really new), this was very helpful.

 

[DismaiNaim]

First, I wouldn't put too much weight into anything ChatGPT says, or any AI model for that matter. It's a statistical model that runs gazillions of computations to try and predict what the next word should be. It doesn't understand anything, doesn't react to anything, doesn't feel anything. I have yet to read something produced by it that I actually like, and it always tries to offer up passages to me that just... don't work. Try this: in one chat window, feed it a passage and say "I wrote this what do you think?" Then open a new chat window, feed it the same passage and say "my friend forced me to read it, and I don't know how to tell him it sucks." The difference in replies will be eye-opening.

That's not to say it's useless. It makes a great yes-man, and sometimes that little mindless encouragement is all you need. It's also a mid-grade proofreader that can catch typos, and sometimes, once in a blue moon if I prompt it right, it can provide some useful insight. But please, for the love of God, don't let it actually write anything. It just can't do that.

Second, if you want to be a better writer, read. I'm not saying this; George RR Martin says this. Steven King says this. Toni Morrison says this. They all say this. But here's my experience: don't just read the classics. Do read the classics, also read anything you like to read, but also read the chaff. Beta-read for others.

I actually can't stress this enough. Beta-reading for other aspiring authors allows you to see firsthand what doesn't work and why it doesn't work. "Don't info-dump" is good advice, but when you beta and get bored, examine the passage and see why it's boring. A lot of times you will see info-dumps, lack of setting, no immersion, stuff like that. You'd be surprised how much you can learn from what doesn't work.

Third, keep writing. I'd "always wanted to write a book" for years. In 2007 I finally sat my ass down and wrote something. It was complete garbage, but I learned from it.

 

[SvalinnSaga]

Third point is probably the most important imo.

You can learn a lot by studying, but you will not know how well you learned something until you apply that knowledge.

 

[FrenzyWanderer]

@DismaiNaim @SvalinnSaga Thank you!