New chapter Release!

[OscarTlau]

I just published the latest chapter to my novel. Please go have a read and let me know your thoughts and critisism.

Chronicles of the Scarlet King: Brotherhood.

In an universe ravaged by a relentless demonic invasion, Earth is on the brink of annihilation. Victor Williams—an elite soldier of the Apex Operatives, who yearns to find a valid purpose other than war, finds himself nearly dying by the hands of an arch-demon. Saved by a mysterious figure,...

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[StoneInky]

I got put off by the synopsis. It's not interesting, and it sounds like you're just reciting the summary and settings to the reader. Actually, it's worse than that; it's way too confusing and I can't tell what I'm supposed to expect from this story.

First off, I get so many different terms and names and I have no idea what the hell any of them are. Celestia and Azarathala? Pandora’s Box? Eternal Gods Caleon and Azarath? (Azarath and Azarathala sound way too similar btw, I didn't realize they were two different entities until I reread), and what the frick is the Word?

And where exactly does this story take place? The beginning of your synopsis starts with 'Earth is on the brink of anihilation', and 'half the planet', but nah, next paragraph starts with the protagonist in a 'realm of punishment', and battles through 'corrupted planets' or whatever. So does this story mainly take place on Earth? Our universe, including other planets like Mars and Venus, etc? Or since I see 'realm of punishment', do we get fantasy realms like Heaven and Hell? What am I supposed to expect?

Lastly, is the story about Minos confronting and rejoining, or is it about the aftermath of that? If it's the latter, what's the actual story going to be about? If it's the former, why the heck did you spoil the entire plot of your story to me in the synopsis?

In short, I don't feel much urge to read your story. Maybe later, when I feel less lazy. Lol.

 

[OscarTlau]

I got put off by the synopsis. It's not interesting, and it sounds like you're just reciting the summary and settings to the reader. Actually, it's worse than that; it's way too confusing and I can't tell what I'm supposed to expect from this story.

First off, I get so many different terms and names and I have no idea what the hell any of them are. Celestia and Azarathala? Pandora’s Box? Eternal Gods Caleon and Azarath? (Azarath and Azarathala sound way too similar btw, I didn't realize they were two different entities until I reread), and what the frick is the Word?

And where exactly does this story take place? The beginning of your synopsis starts with 'Earth is on the brink of anihilation', and 'half the planet', but nah, next paragraph starts with the protagonist in a 'realm of punishment', and battles through 'corrupted planets' or whatever. So does this story mainly take place on Earth? Our universe, including other planets like Mars and Venus, etc? Or since I see 'realm of punishment', do we get fantasy realms like Heaven and Hell? What am I supposed to expect?

Lastly, is the story about Minos confronting and rejoining, or is it about the aftermath of that? If it's the latter, what's the actual story going to be about? If it's the former, why the heck did you spoil the entire plot of your story to me in the synopsis?

In short, I don't feel much urge to read your story. Maybe later, when I feel less lazy. Lol.

Thanks for the honest feedback. I took your points seriously and went back to rework the synopsis.
The new version should give a clearer idea of what the story’s about without. Would love if you could take another look when you have a minute. Either way, appreciate you taking the time to say what you did. Helped more than you might think.