Need reviewing
- Thread starter OAG007
- Start date
R.G.Graf
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- Jul 26, 2025
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You have a very expansive way of describing everything that surrounds the protagonist and everything they feel. It definitely shows your world-building skills, but it also slows down the reading. You have to enjoy it (as I do), but many people avoid such "walls." The most frequently skipped part of Tolkien's The Hobbit is the description of the Shire, which stretches on for perhaps a few pages.
I realize you want to immerse the reader in the world we're in, but shorter descriptions can achieve the same effect without scaring people away. Allow the main character to think more, especially when he's alone. He doesn't have to speak aloud, but to make his portrayal more straightforward, he should give us something to work with. Let him scream when he's angry, let him curse those who burned down his house. Thorin is also just a teenager, and even though something terrible has happened in his life, he shouldn't speak in riddles or half-words.
Of course, I don't want to change his personality, but give him room to release the steam that's boiling inside him.
I could say the same thing about "Dren Mako." Except, of course, that the main character is a teenager, haha.
Despite all this, the stories all look promising, but you don't have to upload a chapter or two to both stories every day. Start one at a time, give it time to develop. If both are on your mind at the same time, write the second one just for yourself for now. Also, set the text aside for a day or two and reread it on your own. Repeated readings will allow you to cut out unnecessary descriptions because you'll condense them.
Good luck!
I realize you want to immerse the reader in the world we're in, but shorter descriptions can achieve the same effect without scaring people away. Allow the main character to think more, especially when he's alone. He doesn't have to speak aloud, but to make his portrayal more straightforward, he should give us something to work with. Let him scream when he's angry, let him curse those who burned down his house. Thorin is also just a teenager, and even though something terrible has happened in his life, he shouldn't speak in riddles or half-words.
Of course, I don't want to change his personality, but give him room to release the steam that's boiling inside him.
I could say the same thing about "Dren Mako." Except, of course, that the main character is a teenager, haha.
Despite all this, the stories all look promising, but you don't have to upload a chapter or two to both stories every day. Start one at a time, give it time to develop. If both are on your mind at the same time, write the second one just for yourself for now. Also, set the text aside for a day or two and reread it on your own. Repeated readings will allow you to cut out unnecessary descriptions because you'll condense them.
Good luck!
I already have them finished and completed Im doing two to keep it safe for torian I have 3 books dren I have 2 and I have a few more book ones of other charactersYou have a very expansive way of describing everything that surrounds the protagonist and everything they feel. It definitely shows your world-building skills, but it also slows down the reading. You have to enjoy it (as I do), but many people avoid such "walls." The most frequently skipped part of Tolkien's The Hobbit is the description of the Shire, which stretches on for perhaps a few pages.
I realize you want to immerse the reader in the world we're in, but shorter descriptions can achieve the same effect without scaring people away. Allow the main character to think more, especially when he's alone. He doesn't have to speak aloud, but to make his portrayal more straightforward, he should give us something to work with. Let him scream when he's angry, let him curse those who burned down his house. Thorin is also just a teenager, and even though something terrible has happened in his life, he shouldn't speak in riddles or half-words.
Of course, I don't want to change his personality, but give him room to release the steam that's boiling inside him.
I could say the same thing about "Dren Mako." Except, of course, that the main character is a teenager, haha.
Despite all this, the stories all look promising, but you don't have to upload a chapter or two to both stories every day. Start one at a time, give it time to develop. If both are on your mind at the same time, write the second one just for yourself for now. Also, set the text aside for a day or two and reread it on your own. Repeated readings will allow you to cut out unnecessary descriptions because you'll condense them.
Good luck!
And I do thank you very much for your review it means a lot when someone reads something I madeYou have a very expansive way of describing everything that surrounds the protagonist and everything they feel. It definitely shows your world-building skills, but it also slows down the reading. You have to enjoy it (as I do), but many people avoid such "walls." The most frequently skipped part of Tolkien's The Hobbit is the description of the Shire, which stretches on for perhaps a few pages.
I realize you want to immerse the reader in the world we're in, but shorter descriptions can achieve the same effect without scaring people away. Allow the main character to think more, especially when he's alone. He doesn't have to speak aloud, but to make his portrayal more straightforward, he should give us something to work with. Let him scream when he's angry, let him curse those who burned down his house. Thorin is also just a teenager, and even though something terrible has happened in his life, he shouldn't speak in riddles or half-words.
Of course, I don't want to change his personality, but give him room to release the steam that's boiling inside him.
I could say the same thing about "Dren Mako." Except, of course, that the main character is a teenager, haha.
Despite all this, the stories all look promising, but you don't have to upload a chapter or two to both stories every day. Start one at a time, give it time to develop. If both are on your mind at the same time, write the second one just for yourself for now. Also, set the text aside for a day or two and reread it on your own. Repeated readings will allow you to cut out unnecessary descriptions because you'll condense them.
Good luck!
