Need help with Synopsis

[shawarma]

I'm struggling to produce a synopsis I'm happy with. I've tried the conventional wisdom, but I'm reluctant to give any too many details in the synopsis due to the plot-twisty nature of the story. I didn't even want to put the protagonist's name in there. Any help is welcome, don't feel the need to go easy. Link to the story is in the signature.


Windrake's Rogue: A Tale of Magic, Mystery, and… Sexy Mages

Windrake Academy boasts an elite reputation, drawing the most gifted magic users from across the realm. Flashy spells and flirty relationships are to be expected, but what about the hidden agendas, dark legacies, and mind-rending intrigue that greets students and teachers alike?

A sinister secret lurks in the darkness, threatening all who attend. Navigate the thrilling adventure with Trey, who is definitely “not” a mage, as he forms unlikely friendships, learns from enigmatic professors, and uncovers his own shrouded past. Can you solve the mystery before it knocks down the front door with a battering ram? Or has the rogue already infiltrated, spinning a tangled web of secrets?

Readers can expect plot twists, magical world-building, and harem relationships. There’s no litRPG or horror elements.

 

[TASTYLEADPAINT]

Honestly I would say that's enough really.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

What are your tags? That might determine what you should cut or what you should emphasize.

 

[shawarma]

What are your tags? That might determine what you should cut or what you should emphasize.

I added to non-horror disclaimer because the synopsis sounds like their might be horror (hence, why the synopsis needed work). My first work was a litRPG, so I added that for my current followers. I guessing you're saying those need to go?

 

[CharlesEBrown]

I added to non-horror disclaimer because the synopsis sounds like their might be horror (hence, why the synopsis needed work). My first work was a litRPG, so I added that for my current followers. I guessing you're saying those need to go?

No, what I'm saying is, without knowing your story (i.e. without having read every word of it or probed deep into your brain), I would need to know what Tags you have on it to tell you what about this synopsis is good, or what is not needed, or what needs more "meat".

 

[shawarma]

I would need to know what Tags

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Windrake's Rogue: A Tale of Magic, Mystery, and… Sexy Mages



Readers can expect plot twists, magical world-building, and harem relationships. There’s no litRPG or horror elements.

What you had sounds more like a sales pitch than a synopsis. Since LitRPG and Horror are tags and you did not include them, I would suggest either omitting the last line altogether or making it part of an Author's Note on chapter one or a prologue.

As for the rest, maybe more like:

Windrake Academy boasts an elite reputation, drawing the most gifted magic users from across all realms. Flashy spells and flirty relationships are the norm, but a sinister secret lurks in the darkness, threatening all who attend.

Thrown into this mix is Trey, who is definitely “not” a mage, who must navigate this environment while forming unlikely friendships, dealing with enigmatic professors, and uncovering his own shrouded past. Can he solve the mystery before it claims him (and others) as another victim?