Need help with reverse isekai SoL

[Solstice1309]

Well the title already kinda explains it.

I want to write a scene where my MC (from japan around 16yr physically but over 9000yrs old) takes the heroine (10yrs old in 5yr old loli body that got rev. isekai’d) to sightsee.

I want to realistically portray her reactions and emotions as well as questions she asks MC and her thoughts.

Need your opinions and criticisms on the matter.
Note- Heroine is a reserved type with lots of thoughts due to her past.

Plz. And thank you.

 

[DemonOppai]

criticisms on what? you have any sample chap?

 

[bigbear51]

Important questions that she might ask, would probably be related to the difference between her old world and here.

But there's not much people can help you if we don't know much about the characters. Is there a possibility for you to share an outline for us to get an idea?

 

[LazyPanda]

What is the heroine personality? Bratty? Spoiled? Smart? Sassy? Mute? details please.

 

[Solstice1309]

MC and heroine are both smart and quick on the uptake. Both had shitty pasts, MC case of child abandonment while heroine was the daughter of a concubine the king married in her kingdom leading to harassment, slander and all from her tutors and maids.

MC stopped caring about what others thought of him cuz ergo his parents never did and to spite them literally manipulated his grades in school always being ‘average’ After he reached of age they divorced and left him.

Heroine like MC didn’t care about her surroundings but in order to survive acted as a talentless princess that always kept her head low yet was about to be assassinated when she got isekai’d.

Both are quiet to a fault, especially MC. Heroine is literally now in a 5yr old’s body and in another world so she dropped her facade. She is the one that always initiates talk with MC when he doesn’t teach her about his world and all.

 

[LazyPanda]

Is there a chapter or synopsis we can look at?
How did the MC become 9000 year old?
How did the Heroine get isekai?
And just to make sure, it is the heroine that got isekai to the modern world? is it a one way travel or do they travel back and forth?

 

[Solstice1309]

World building chapters are 8 and 9.
Here’s the link to 8. Here.

Yes, heroine got isekai’d to mc world.
MC asked if she wanted to go back where she refused as well.

I think 8 and 9 will help you get a proper jist of the circumstances of the world and mc’s strength.

P.S. mc is over 9000 yrs old cuz of his hyperbolic time chamber.

 

[LazyPanda]

Ok. the MC dialogue is pretty good. As he speak with both experience and a slight personality as a cold/cool glass (wearing eye glass) teacher.

I feel like the heroine is more of a teenager of 15 - 17 by the way she is speaking. I just feel like a child (even if they're smart, unless their emotion have been repress greatly) would show more emotions. She would be making more exclamation sounds, pouting, easily frustrated, and so on. As the heroine have not had much experience to control her emotions.

Pretty much imagine babysitting a kid and telling them how to do stuff. They'd question on every little thing and ask why.
This just my opinion, but great chapters btw.

 

[Solstice1309]

Ok. the MC dialogue is pretty good. As he speak with both experience and a slight personality as a cold/cool glass (wearing eye glass) teacher.

I feel like the heroine is more of a teenager of 15 - 17 by the way she is speaking. I just feel like a child (even if they're smart, unless their emotion have been repress greatly) would show more emotions. She would be making more exclamation sounds, pouting, easily frustrated, and so on. As the heroine have not had much experience to control her emotions.

Pretty much imagine babysitting a kid and telling them how to do stuff. They'd question on every little thing and ask why.
This just my opinion, but great chapters btw.

She did repress her emotions, or rather she didn’t feel much emotions given her life in the palace without any love and care in her upbringing.

 

[LazyPanda]

Then does that mean the heroine should be more reserve and use shorter reply?

 

[Solstice1309]

That is what I’m struggling with. She still talks politely and although that has decreased somewhat there is that hint of reservation she has when asking questions. Of course there are moments when her emotions and curiosity take over and she bluntly asks them but I want to make a smooth transition into her being a clear presence to MC.

MC is also making it so that she doesn’t become overconfident or arrogant.

I guess you could say that MC is actually moulding her into an ideal Disciple.

With that said, I want to make it so that she can openly talk to him.

This transition of hers is difficult for me to write. I want to make it as smooth as possible with MC taking her out on a tour.

 

[LazyPanda]

I believe that is the answer right there.
Have the MC "lead" the heroine out from her shell. Use various things to prod the heroine from unreasonable task, to joking, and pure intention of teaching.
Let the heroine struggle from being reserve, to exclaiming in surprise, then falling back into a cycle. A trauma does not easily disappear, nor overcome within a few chapters. Its a work in progress, that you can write to expand.

 

[Solstice1309]

Hmm.

Episodic training/studying snipets with a tour at the end. And then a school arc for her to open up to others in which she drags MC along with her. How does that sound?

 

[LazyPanda]

Seems legit.
Throw some issues in there that can bond the MC and the heroine more. Some Slice of Life to get the Heroine to be more comfortable to make friends.

Is there going to be a separation arc?

 

[Solstice1309]

Yup, there’s gonna be a separation arc. In due time ?

Typical cliche right??

 

[LazyPanda]

We're authors and readers. We eat cliche like ice cream any day.

 

[Solstice1309]

True that

It’s just how we word and phrase it giving everyone their dose of dopamine!

 

[LazyPanda]

 

[thedude3445]

Reverse the sense of wonder and amazement. In a normal isekai story, the MC is typically floored by being in a new world with a new culture and completely new locales, and that's a conduit for the readers to feel the same way. In a reverse-isekai story, the MC feels the same way, but the setting is on Earth and so you have to evoke all the feelings of familiarity and delight at someone new discovering everything we take for granted. The MC is blown away but the readers get to feel warm and happy over seeing the MC react this way.

I mean, not just cars, but running water, processed food, video games, refrigerators, bound books, paper money, coffee, plastic bags, t-shirts, air conditioners... Pretty much everything is brand-new and will blow a medieval fantasy character away. These feelings of wonder will be only enhanced by a younger character experiencing them, I imagine.