Writing Need feedback on synopsis, especially the catching line

[InfantryTerminator]

[You can go back, but Earth you know ceased to exist]

Fang Li was a normal person in the crowd until he was summoned into another world and forcefully turned into a hero specialized in dark magic. After years of battles and sacrifices, he had enough and led army of undead against humanity in order to go back, ultimately achieving that after final battle.

He woke up in new body and what he saw wasn't his family and home he remembered.
Multiple universes collapsed into one and their laws collided, creating all sorts of bizarre anomalies that completely reshaped the Earth.

His civilization went extinct thousand years ago and demi-humans from other worlds build new one on the remains, merging magic and technology into singularity in order to survive. On top of that the average male-to-female ratio is 1-5, which makes things more alien and troublesome for former hero.

Even after so long, the new civilization still struggles to contain dungeon rifts, monsters, mutants, anomalies that constantly form and change, and above all: themselves.

[Progress needs to move forward, and a new force is needed for that. You know who I am referring to]

MAIN FOCUS: Worldbuilding, action, adventure, crafting, slice of life and romance. Also includes harem, smuts, and comedy.
Heavily inspired by S.T.A.L.K.E.R and mangas similar to Solo Leveling.

 

[Ilikewaterkusa]

Fang Li was once an ordinary man, until he had found himself summoned to another world, and forced in the position of hero, after years of war he had finally triumphed.

He had then returned to Earth, however he had a new body which wasn’t his own. Furthermore everything is odd, all of the sudden!

—

Done, just cut off half off it because that’s basically an info dump.

 

[CypherTails]

I agree with the other comment try not to spell things out too completely, leave a little mystique in, tease the reader and capture their imagination.

So this is my take on the synopsis, I made it a bit longer since you already have a short one available.

Fang Li was as normal as a person could be until he was dragged into a world not his own. There he found the title of hero thrust upon him, there he found he had a gift for the dark and profane arts. He led soldiers, armies, and wars, but again and again, as he tried to sow the seeds of peace. Again and again, he paid the price of war. Until one day it was too much...

He learned of a path home and he made his choice. He turned his dark host upon the ungrateful people he was forced to defend and he returned...

He returned in a body he didn't know to a world he didn't recognize. He thought he could live in peace at last but cruel fate still saw fit to curse him. Cosmic forces collided and cruel fate awakened forgotten horrors to spite him.

He thought he was free from war, sacrifice, and suffering.

How wrong he was...

Hope it helps

 

[RepresentingCaution]

I always recommend asking a question to entice the reader. What will the reader learn while reading the story?

 

[InfantryTerminator]

Fang Li was once an ordinary man, until he had found himself summoned to another world, and forced in the position of hero, after years of war he had finally triumphed.

He had then returned to Earth, however he had a new body which wasn’t his own. Furthermore everything is odd, all of the sudden!

—

Done, just cut off half off it because that’s basically an info dump.

No hard feelings, but this is barely a step up from "Read to find out". There is nothing that makes it stand out of crowd or inform readers why they should even brother reading this. I've rewrote thing to focus a bit more on MC, but the basic info about the world stays because it's main point of attraction.

I agree with the other comment try not to spell things out too completely, leave a little mystique in, tease the reader and capture their imagination.

So this is my take on the synopsis, I made it a bit longer since you already have a short one available.

Fang Li was as normal as a person could be until he was dragged into a world not his own. There he found the title of hero thrust upon him, there he found he had a gift for the dark and profane arts. He led soldiers, armies, and wars, but again and again, as he tried to sow the seeds of peace. Again and again, he paid the price of war. Until one day it was too much...

He learned of a path home and he made his choice. He turned his dark host upon the ungrateful people he was forced to defend and he returned...

He returned in a body he didn't know to a world he didn't recognize. He thought he could live in peace at last but cruel fate still saw fit to curse him. Cosmic forces collided and cruel fate awakened forgotten horrors to spite him.

He thought he was free from war, sacrifice, and suffering.

How wrong he was...

Hope it helps

It's decent, but unfortunately doesn't fit the story. I want to make it stand out through unique worldbuilding.

MC simply had his reasons to side with demons, one of them being ability to return. At point where the story starts, war and killing became an average monday for him. He isn't a tragic hero with PTSD, years of war simply reshaped him

Here is a rewrite:

[You can go back, but the world you knew no longer exists]

Fang Li was a normal person in the crowd until the day he was summoned to another world with a friend. Turned into a hero that specialized in dark magic, he spent countless years surrounded by war and politics. One day he had enough and betrayed humanity in order to return, but what welcomed him after the final battle wasn’t a family and home he expected.

Multiple universes collapsed into one and their laws collided, creating all sorts of bizarre anomalies that completely reshaped the Earth.

His civilization went extinct thousands years ago, replaced by demi-humans from other worlds that took over remains and merged magic and technology into singularity. Even after so long, they still struggle to contain dungeon rifts spewing out monsters, while anomalies on Earth are always forming and changing.

The former hero now needs to survive in a new body and find a place in a different society. 1 to 5 male-female ratio won’t help that, and he isn’t a type of person who retires peacefully.

[Progress needs to move forward and it needs a force to do that. You know who am I referring to]
MAIN FOCUS: Worldbuilding, action, adventure, crafting, slice of life and romance. Also includes harem, smuts, and comedy.
Heavily inspired by S.T.A.L.K.E.R and mangas similar to Solo Leveling.

 

[CypherTails]

Hmm if it's a world-building you want to focus on maybe you could cut out a little of the first bit. I think the problem now is that it's too long in the sense that there is too much information. Because from the synopsis it's a little hard to figure out what is the story gimmick and focus. That's why I thought it was about the personal troubles of the MC with the whole betrayal and wanting to go home thing. If the first war merely reshaped him then I would suggest dedicating more time in the synopsis to the world-building elements.

Because right now I'm getting three potential focuses from the synopsis:

1) Fang Li and his betrayal/ PTSD shit, so probably a loner or mistrusting protagonist
2) Some dimensional cataclysm that caused earth civilizations to die out and I assume he's the last human? So now he has to live in a world filled with demi-humans and fight the anomalies.
3) And there's a lot of sex incoming, probably with demi-human girls.

I suggest you decide which one of these three you want to focus on and drill in on it in the synopsis.

 

[Zirrboy]

No hard feelings, but this is barely a step up from "Read to find out". There is nothing that makes it stand out of crowd or inform readers why they should even brother reading this. I've rewrote thing to focus a bit more on MC, but the basic info about the world stays because it's main point of attraction.


It's decent, but unfortunately doesn't fit the story. I want to make it stand out through unique worldbuilding.

MC simply had his reasons to side with demons, one of them being ability to return. At point where the story starts, war and killing became an average monday for him. He isn't a tragic hero with PTSD, years of war simply reshaped him

Here is a rewrite:

Imo, even if you want to advertise world-building, a rundown of all major points is the wrong way to go about it.
Describe his first impressions or something, but putting all of this on the table would just mean you have to deliver more to give people a reason not to simply read the synopsis and move on.

The 1/2 liners you have here are bound to be worse than in-story descriptions and explanations, but first mention rights goes to them.