I’m sorry but I only read the first chapter and skimmed thought the second.
1. Right off the bat there was barely any room for introduction on your characters or any sort of prior dialogue. You just instantly jumped into a new world, with no context beforehand. I suggest probably making a prologue of some sort.
2. Grammar is a big issue that I know if it’s an issue in the first and second chapter, it’s an issue in the rest. I think ChatGPT (which is a great source for helping smooth out your story, characters, and dialogue). Grammarly also helps as well but ChatGPT is what I lean more towards.
3. The way your characters interact (speak) to each other. It’s hard for the reader to follow. Generally when someone is speaking you use “ — “. The — representing the words coming from the character. And the “ “ separating that from the rest of the text.
4. Your synopsis doesn’t give any insight on the story at all and it’s grammatically incorrect. I would suggest working through that and possibly adding more information.
5. You updated majority of your chapters in big groups. That doesn’t help with getting your story more attention. I would suggest probably updating either once a day or 2-3 times a week. Gets you on the main page for people who are surfing thought new stories, which helps with you exposure.
6. I won’t comment on the story because the average reader won’t stay and consume your story due to 1 majority of the stuff I listed.
7. This is all in my opinion and I hope I don’t come off as harsh in any way
