I read the first three chapters and skimmed the next three, total of 6. I get it where it's going, but it suffers from the serious pacing issue. You could easily stretch it out without losing anything. It reads like "oh, here's a thing. Here's another! I also totally forgot about this, here! Have fun!", while I'm not having it. Seriously, even if it's reads like a parody, there must be some restraint in pace.
The goods:
Tone, it's written well. It’s lighthearted, playful, and knows how to have fun. There weren't any grammar mistakes, which is good too. Humor is good, but it didn't make me laugh. Embed images are cool, but don't overuse it. Combat is creative, but it's undermined by pacing. Worldbuilding is eh, okay-ish.
The bads:
Pacing is a train wreck. The narrative moves at breakneck speed, cramming too many events, power-ups, and character introductions into single chapters without letting any moment breathe. High-stakes battles are glossed over, meaningful moments are reduced to quips, and emotional beats barely land before we’re onto the next gag or encounter. Let the scenes breathe, slow down a little (or rather A LOT), so that the readers (and the characters too) could process what is happening. It's like you’re worried your readers will get bored if you don’t switch scenes every ten seconds, as if readers have TikTok levels of attention span.
Zero stakes equals zero tension. Sure, The Horde (trademarked) attack the MC and the surroundings, but it has no tension. MC and his comrades being OP don't help it either, given how easily they steamroll everything in their path. Slimes? Toasted. Goblins? An afterthought. Even so-called “boss battles” are glorified sparring matches. When there’s no real struggle, readers stop caring. Why should I root for Hajime if there’s never any doubt he’ll win? High stakes make victory sweet. Right now, your battles are like watching someone stomp on ants while monologuing about how difficult it is.
MC being stuck in what I'll call permanent “smug protagonist mode,” grinning his pearly whites and cracking jokes like he’s the funniest guy at a party no one invited him to. Sure, he’s got bravado, but where’s the depth? What drives him beyond having fun and beating stuff up? Give him moments of introspection. Make him care about something. Right now, he’s about as relatable as a cartoon character with one expression. If it's "designed" that way by you right now and there's some character arc is ready there, good, but currently he's one dimensional.
You’re playing with the classic Isekai and LitRPG tropes, as in overpowered protagonists, menu screens, shadowy observers, but you’re not doing anything new with them. Referencing a cliché isn’t the same as subverting it. Shadowy onlookers who do nothing but twirl their metaphorical mustaches? I’ve seen it. Pop-up game menus that give Hajime “godhood” in one click? Yawn. Give me stakes. Give me genuine subversions, not just lampshading. Is this a parody? A serious story? Both? Right now, it’s like those failed video games released not too long ago (Concord, DA Veilguard), it tries to subvert the moments of sincerity, thus making the emotional moments flat. If you want readers to care about Hajime’s journey, commit to moments of sincerity. Let the humor accentuate, not undercut, emotional beats. Otherwise, everything just feels like one long joke with no punchline.
Worldbuilding. Yes, you’ve got quirky world elements, goblins playing slime hockey, Agriman cuisine, Lupinian traditions, but none of it feels meaningful. It’s lore for the sake of lore, a cluttered decoration that never gets used. Focus on what matters. Tie it back to the plot, the characters, and the stakes. Otherwise, it’s just noise. And also, the "heavy worldbuilding elements" are not that heavy. Have you read Tolkien? That's the real heavy worldbuilding, and not whatever you have. As again it ties to pacing, worldbuilding suffers from too fast pacing.
Average RR reader probably would read the webnovel (because they're conditioned to similar stories), but to me after 3rd chapter it was slog to read, cuz I didn't have that "connection" going with it. Slow down and let moments breathe, add real stakes (horde thing is underdeveloped for it), give Hajime motivations and conflicts beyond just having fun. Let the companions be more than comedic props. Decide if this is a parody or a sincere story—or find a better balance. Right now, it’s a muddled mess. Tie your quirky worldbuilding elements to the characters and plot. Don’t just throw in flavor text for fun. If you’re going to use familiar tropes, subvert them in surprising ways or lean into them with purpose.
It’s just another flashy, forgettable Isekai with a few chuckles and not nearly enough substance. Have a good night.
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