Monkey's Paw

[Dountnothere]

Granted, but everyone else's student loans get transferred to you instead.

I wish to eat the square root of pie.

Granted, but now every other pie you eat would taste disgusting.

I wish was more brave.

 

[JustHANO]

Granted, but now every other pie you eat would taste disgusting.

I wish was more brave.

Fine you're brave, but you're a bird now and you know what they say, "the bravest birds are the easiest to catch."

I wish I had curly hair.

 

[Nuwan]

Fine you're brave, but you're a bird now and you know what they say, "the bravest birds are the easiest to catch."

I wish I had curly hair.

Granted but your hair's a noodle, complete with seasoning

I wish to never starve

 

[XianPiete]

Granted but your hair's a noodle, complete with seasoning

I wish to never starve

Granted, I have removed your ability to feel hunger. Unfortunately, you can still die of malnutrition if you don't eat.

I wish to transmigrate

 

[ZynGrand]

Granted, I have removed your ability to feel hunger. Unfortunately, you can still die of malnutrition if you don't eat.

I wish to transmigrate

Granted, but it's a clone of yourself.

I wish I had friends.

 

[binarysoap]

Granted, but it's a clone of yourself.

I wish I had friends.

Granted, but they will die within the week.

I wish that my wishes are and will be granted in the way I intend it to be without drawbacks.

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

Granted, but they will die within the week.

I wish that my wishes are and will be granted in the way I intend it to be without drawbacks.

Granted, but we will have to clarify in a long arduous procedure what the definition of "intention", "wish", "granted" and "drawbacks". These terms lack precision and are way too easily susceptible to subjective interpretation of the other party and therefore not immediately grantable without further mutual negotiations.

I wish to know what my wish is.

 

[HURGMCGURG]

Granted, but we will have to clarify in a long arduous procedure what the definition of "intention", "wish", "granted" and "drawbacks". These terms lack precision and are way too easily susceptible to subjective interpretation of the other party and therefore not immediately grantable without further mutual negotiations.

I wish to know what my wish is.

Granted, but your wish is to know what your wish is.

I wish that I will pass my exams.

 

[Zoey]

Granted, but your wish is to know what your wish is.

I wish that I will pass my exams.

Granted, but your teachers will fail you because you get every question right.

I wish the shit stain on my wall would go away.

 

[HURGMCGURG]

Granted, but your teachers will fail you because you get every question right.

I wish the shit stain on my wall would go away.

Granted, but the shit stain was you.

I wish that I didn't have any student loan debt.

 

[Zoey]

Granted, but the shit stain was you.

I wish that I didn't have any student loan debt.

Granted, but you'll be working as my maid for the rest or your live.

I wish I wasn't a shit stain.

 

[tiaf]

Granted, but you'll be working as my maid for the rest or your live.

I wish I wasn't a shit stain.

Granted, but now you’re an invisible stain and doomed to be ignored forever.

I wish I were immortal.

 

[HURGMCGURG]

Granted, but now you’re an invisible stain and doomed to be ignored forever.

I wish I were immortal.

Granted, but now you will survive past the end of the universe, doomed to survive without air while freezing for eternity.

I wish I was mature.

 

[tiaf]

Granted, but now you will survive past the end of the universe, doomed to survive without air while freezing for eternity.

I wish I was mature.

Granted, but you aged 70 years and can't do much anymore.

I wish I had inspiration.

 

[Zoey]

Granted, but you aged 70 years and can't do much anymore.

I wish I had inspiration.

Granted, but your only inspired while watching hard core porn.

I wish I wasn't a stain.

 

[HURGMCGURG]

Granted, but your only inspired while watching hard core porn.

I wish I wasn't a stain.

Granted, but you still sully the earth you walk upon.

I wish I was younger.

 

[Yorda]

I wish I was younger.

Granted, but you will forget all your memories and will be a non-human fetus.

I wish I was a powerful and sexy demon lord by my standards.

 

[tiaf]

I wish I was a powerful and sexy demon lord by my standards.

Granted, but you’re surrounded by idiot subordinates and have to fight annoying heroes all day.

I wish I could travel to another universe with air and internet.

 

[HURGMCGURG]

Granted, but you’re surrounded by idiot subordinates and have to fight annoying heroes all day.

I wish I could travel to another universe with air and internet.

Granted, but you have no money and you can't figure out the extremely convoluted foreign language.

I wish I had more money.

 

[tiaf]

Granted, but you have no money and you can't figure out the extremely convoluted foreign language.

I wish I had more money.

Granted, but the apocalypse broke out and it became useless.

I wish the last volume of Barakamon were out in my country.