Looking for Feedback on My Novel Legacy of the Fallen – Need Your Thoughts and Suggestions!

[agnivrat]

Hello fellow readers and writers! ?


My name is Agnivrat, and I'm currently working on a dark fantasy novel titled Legacy of the Fallen. I'd love to hear your thoughts and feedback on it!
The story takes place in an apocalyptic world, one that still bears the scars of a cataclysmic battle.
Long ago, a mysterious being known as Asurendra—a follower of Nihil the Divinity Reaper—descended upon the world. Two of humanity’s strongest warriors rose to stop him, and their clash shook the heavens and the earth alike. Though they fought valiantly, what followed was a desperate war between the armies of Nihil and the remnants of humanity.
Now, millennia later...
The story follows Aksh, a broken boy haunted by a traumatic past. Abused and emotionally numb, Aksh believes he's destined for nothing but silence and suffering—until a fateful encounter with Arihant, a mysterious man of immense and unknown power. This meeting sets Aksh on a path far beyond anything he imagined.
Soon, he finds himself at the center of growing attention—not for who he is, but because of a strange, ancient power hidden deep within him... a power the world has never seen before.

I’m looking for feedback on:
Story Premise – Does this hook you? Would you keep reading.
Tone & Worldbuilding – Does the setting feel immersive and appropriately dark?
Aksh’s Journey – Is his trauma and character arc compelling so far?
Writing Style – Any tips on making the prose or pacing tighter and more readable?
Anything else you’d like to share! All thoughts are welcome ?Click here to read the novel

 

[StoneInky]

Hello fellow readers and writers! ?


My name is Agnivrat, and I'm currently working on a dark fantasy novel titled Legacy of the Fallen. I'd love to hear your thoughts and feedback on it!
The story takes place in an apocalyptic world, one that still bears the scars of a cataclysmic battle.
Long ago, a mysterious being known as Asurendra—a follower of Nihil the Divinity Reaper—descended upon the world. Two of humanity’s strongest warriors rose to stop him, and their clash shook the heavens and the earth alike. Though they fought valiantly, what followed was a desperate war between the armies of Nihil and the remnants of humanity.
Now, millennia later...
The story follows Aksh, a broken boy haunted by a traumatic past. Abused and emotionally numb, Aksh believes he's destined for nothing but silence and suffering—until a fateful encounter with Arihant, a mysterious man of immense and unknown power. This meeting sets Aksh on a path far beyond anything he imagined.
Soon, he finds himself at the center of growing attention—not for who he is, but because of a strange, ancient power hidden deep within him... a power the world has never seen before.

I’m looking for feedback on:
Story Premise – Does this hook you? Would you keep reading.
Tone & Worldbuilding – Does the setting feel immersive and appropriately dark?
Aksh’s Journey – Is his trauma and character arc compelling so far?
Writing Style – Any tips on making the prose or pacing tighter and more readable?
Anything else you’d like to share! All thoughts are welcome ?Click here to read the novel

It's AI. DON'T WASTE MY TIME ASKING ME TO REVIEW AI.

 

[StoneInky]

lol did you even read my novel labeling it as AI

Yes. I did. You know what, maybe I was wrong. I'll send it in a check to be sure. I have seen THREE AI NOVELS IN A ROW TODAY AND I AM NOT HAPPY.

 

[StoneInky]

yeah sure read it, and it kinda hurts when you give your 5-6 hours writing a chapter improvising it multiple times so that nothing is missed and the events get to connected to future chapters as well and then someone label it as ai without even reading it

Okay. You know what? I am not happy, but I have a ton of time on my hands, and I really hope I was wrong. I really hope you are just an amazing writer who unfortunately has a generic tone, and the AI checker made a mistake too.

Go to the Google doc or whatever doc you used to edit your novel. Click 'History'. All the edited versions should pop up, along with the timelines. Or if you edited it in Scribblehub, go to Edit, and it should tell you how many times the writing was revised. If you send me a screenshot, I will deeply apologize and review your writing while thinking of ways to make things sound less AI-ish so that people may enjoy it more. Deal?

 

[StoneInky]

i write on microsoft word, is there any feature in it that shows how many times a file edited??

Great! Microsoft word has a feature to show edit history and tracks the entire thing. Even dates about when edits were made. I use it too. Search Google how it works.

If you don't want to send it publicly, send it in Conversation. Or better yet, just send the entire file and gimme access. That should keep things private.

 

[CountVampyre]

Seeing you deny the use of AI, I got curious and gave your work a chance. Well, it reeks of LLM. If you really did not use any form of AI, then you should re-edit your chapters again, because in their current form, you will hear those allegations many times.

An example would be the following:

Legacy of the Fallen

Chapter 1

Five thousand years ago, a mystical being—one never heard of before—descended upon the earth. Its body structure resembled a human, with two arms and two legs, but its features were anything but ordinary. It had eyes as purple as amethyst, long orchid-colored hair touching down its back, and shark-like canines that looked strangely terrifying. A mysterious purple aura surrounded it, radiating an otherworldly presence. One thing was for sure, that thing definitely wasn't human.

According to ancient records, this being was first sighted in Trigarta, a once-peaceful city with a population of around 60,000. When it arrived, it let out a terrifying scream that tore through the clouds, a sound so unnatural that the land itself trembled. A crushing force followed, a pressure so immense that it felt as if every bone in the body was about to shatter.

And then, in a voice that shook the entire city, it declared:

"The era of worthless, so-called gods is over. It is time to bow before your true god—
ALMIGHTY NIHIL, THE DIVINITY REAPER!"

The city was paralyzed. Half the population was so stricken with terror that they couldn't even move a muscle. Thirty percent collapsed instantly, fainting under the overwhelming pressure. The weakest among them—those without 'Tejas'—died on the spot.

What is this? You need to understand that the allegations did not come from nothing. Be it the formatting or the 'bold' characters, it's 1:1 like AI writes. And no, you do not need to show me your document or anything like that. Speaking frankly, I do not even care if you used AI or not. You just need to remember that it's fair for your viewers to know if any type of program that alters the tone heavily was used.​

 

[StoneInky]

Yeah, but if it's not AI, the author can fix it.

I'll repost here for everyone else when the screenshots come, so that we know it's not AI edited.

 

[Tempokai]

True words aren't eloquent;
eloquent words aren't true.
Wise men don't need to prove their point;
men who need to prove their point aren't wise.

You didn't even bother to remove cringe bolding that ChatGPT 4o makes. Because it's trained for efficiency of words, not for storytelling flow, the generated sentences are all pithy and short. I could've understood if you edited those quirks out, but no, pure base LLM unadulterated bullshit. You either edit it so thoroughly that it isn't different from writing yourself, or you don't post it at all. By posting it, you've broken TOS of this website, and your pathetic rhetoric that "you've written yourself" will not work when all the patterns of LLM generated story are there. Repent.

 

[CountVampyre]

True words aren't eloquent;
eloquent words aren't true.
Wise men don't need to prove their point;
men who need to prove their point aren't wise.

View attachment 37921

You didn't even bother to remove cringe bolding that ChatGPT 4o makes. Because it's trained for efficiency of words, not for storytelling flow, the generated sentences are all pithy and short. I could've understood if you edited those quirks out, but no, pure base LLM unadulterated bullshit. You either edit it so thoroughly that it isn't different from writing yourself, or you don't post it at all. By posting it, you've broken TOS of this website, and your pathetic rhetoric that "you've written yourself" will not work when all the patterns of LLM generated story are there. Repent.

Poor guy. Imagine you want a review of a story you posted and Tempokai, the Scribble Review God, finds it.

 

[StoneInky]

True words aren't eloquent;
eloquent words aren't true.
Wise men don't need to prove their point;
men who need to prove their point aren't wise.

View attachment 37921

You didn't even bother to remove cringe bolding that ChatGPT 4o makes. Because it's trained for efficiency of words, not for storytelling flow, the generated sentences are all pithy and short. I could've understood if you edited those quirks out, but no, pure base LLM unadulterated bullshit. You either edit it so thoroughly that it isn't different from writing yourself, or you don't post it at all. By posting it, you've broken TOS of this website, and your pathetic rhetoric that "you've written yourself" will not work when all the patterns of LLM generated story are there. Repent.

Exactly! I ran it through a checker and ChatGPT, and they say the writing is heavily AI influenced. It may be wrong, but that's what it says. And I am not wasting my time reviewing AI stuff.

Poor guy. Imagine you want a review of a story you posted and Tempokai, the Scribble Review God, finds it.

Exactlyyy. I loveeeee em.

 

[CountVampyre]

Exactly! I ran it through a checker and ChatGPT, and they say the writing is heavily AI influenced. It may be wrong, but that's what it says. And I am not wasting my time reviewing AI stuff.


Exactlyyy. I loveeeee em.

Apartly, even my simple sentence was AI influenced lol. Fuck ChatGPT

 

[StoneInky]

Apartly, even my simple sentence was AI influenced lol. Fuck ChatGPT

View attachment 37923

I tried. My ChatGPT says it was human-written? Maybe you accidently sounded like you wanted it to reply that the writing was AI? You want to sound completely unbiased, or it'll agree with you no matter what.

 

[CountVampyre]

Just wanted to say that those "ai-checker" are often wrong.

 

[StoneInky]

Just wanted to say that those "ai-checker" are often wrong.
View attachment 37924

Eh, maybe. But in the end, I agree it doesn't really matter. If it sounds like boring AI, it sounds like boring AI, and people will not read it. Even if it is not actually AI.

Whichever is the case, that's the review. Sounds like AI.

 

[Anonjohn20]

Just wanted to say that those "ai-checker" are often wrong.

Yes, but the random bold phrases, excessive prose, minimal generic dialogue, etc., do serve as good hints that this was definitely AI.