Lame Dad Jokes Thread.

[Dark_Phoenix_Zaetyk]

Okay forks,drop your lamest joke you ever saw or heard.

 

[Hans.Trondheim]

Student: "Sir Hans, I'm hungry."

Me: "Hello Hungry! I'm Sir Hans."

 

[Dark_Phoenix_Zaetyk]

Student: "Sir Hans, I'm hungry."

Me: "Hello Hungry! I'm Sir Hans."

I call this one vanilla corny.

 

[Hans.Trondheim]

I call this one vanilla corny.

Classic, yes. I still have more, but foreigners won't get it coz the punchline is in Filipino.

Like,

Student: "Sir, CR ako." (Direct translation: Sir, I'm CR.
Context Translation: Sir, may I go to the CR/comfort room?)

Me: "Oh? Akala ko tao ka! CR ka pala? (Oh? I always thought you're human! I didn't know you are a CR?)

The Filipino grammar of the student is wrong, but is understandable and conversationally acceptable.

Another is,

Student: "Sir, may I go to the CR?"

Me: "What CR? Comfort Room or Canteen Room?"

This is because our students would always ask to go to the comfort room, but would always pass by the canteen to buy food on their way back.

 

[Deleted member 84247]

Why did TheMonotonePuppet walk into the paint store?

Because she wanted some color.

Why does @Corty love playing basketball?
Because it is a Corty sport.

Why does @Prince_Azmiran_Myrian hate dad jokes?
Because they always drag on.

What do you call a flower?
A @Plantorsomething

Why did @TsumiHokiro cross the road?
To get to the other side.

What do you call an average Hell dweller?
@Generic.Archdemon

What did Envy say to the other dying vampire?
You never knew what was at stake.

What do you call a normal kid in a hurry?
A simple Russian boi

What do you call an intimate relationship between @Prince_Azmiran_Myrian and @SailusGebel?
Princest

You know those vampires were always jealous of my perfection. They were all Representing Envy.

Why do vampires suck at introspection?
They aren't good at reflecting.

How come two vampires are never exactly the same?
They can't mirror each other's behavior.

What did @HelloHound do with her useless knick-knacks?
She pawned them off.
I also heard she hounded them for a good price.

What do you call an ursine that nearly dies?
BearlyAlive

What do you call a greedy puppet?
TheMoneytunePuppet

What do you call an incomprehensible ninja?
A @Stealthy_Enigma

How do you make @Kraken1 laugh?
Ten tickles

What do you call it when @Anon2024 takes care of my dirty work?
A questionable Endeavor

What did captain @SailusGebel say when he put the ship on autopilot?
It's high time we let the ship Sailus.

What do you call the vampire horse that finishes in last place?
The horse that sucks

What do you call two horses that live next to each other?
Neighbors
Thanks, I will be here all week!

 

[Hoshino]

I know a few korean ones..

Why did the chicken go to a small hotel? Because it was fowl-some.
(왜 닭이 작은 호텔에 갔을까? 왜냐하면, 그는 파손스러웠기 때문이다)
In English, "fowl" refers to birds like chickens, but in this context, "파손스러운" sounds like "파손" (fowl) and "심각한" (serious) combined. So, the chicken went to a "파손스러운" hotel because it wanted to stay in a place that was seriously unpleasant or smelly!

Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
(왜 수학 책이 안타까워 보였을까? 왜냐하면, 그것은 너무 많은 문제를 가지고 있기 때문이다.)
The "문제" can refer to both mathematical equations and emotional issues. So, the math book looked sad because it had too many mathematical equations to solve!


What do you call a blind dinosaur? A "dino-site."
(무엇을 불리는가? 블라인드 공룡이란 무엇입니까? 그것은 "다이노사이트"입니다.)

Its a word play. The "다이노사이트" sounds like "다이노" (dinosaur), but it also refers to a website. So, the joke is that the dinosaur is blind, but it can still navigate the web



Today is the day I'm buying a pizza for my friend. But just as the pizza arrived, the phone rang. "Sorry, is the pizza late?" "No, it hasn't arrived yet!"

(오늘은 내 친구를 위해 피자를 사는 날이라고. 그런데, 피자가 도착하자 마자 전화가 왔어요. "죄송합니다, 피자가 늦죠?" "아니, 아직 도착하지 않았잖아요!")

This plays on the word "피자" (pizza) and "피자가 도착하다" (the pizza arrives), which sound similar to "피자가 늦다" (the pizza is late). The speaker responds to the question by saying that the pizza hasn't arrived yet, instead of addressing the issue of lateness. The humor lies in the unexpected response and the wordplay between "도착하다" and "늦다".

 

[Corty]

@RepresentingEnvy I knew you would come here before me. You win this round, Enby!

 

[CodeCrisis]

A blind man walked into a bar. And then a stool. Then a table.

 

[Viator]

One of my favorite sayings my dad dropped when he thought I was talking nonsense.

"I see!" Said the blind man, pissing into the wind. "It's all coming back to me now!"

 

[RepresentingCaution]

Kid: Ice cream!
Husband: Yes, you are screaming.

 

[Navillus]

There are no such things as lame dad jokes... They can only be considered perfection... here is a bad joke I like to say all the time-

"Why did the chicken cross the road?" "I don't know why?" "I was asking you how would I know?"

[This would be an example of the exchange since I don't know how to write this... This might just be a normal joke but eh at least I tried.]

One of my favorite sayings my dad dropped when he thought I was talking nonsense.

"I see!" Said the blind man, pissing into the wind. "It's all coming back to me now!"

This is the best dad joke I've seen in years.