Is this a good synopsis for my story?

[AletheLumina]

Hello everyone, it's my first time posting something here in the SH forums. I've been writing a story of my own lately based on one of the settings I've been worldbuilding for quite a while, and would like to share the synopsis I've made:

At the precipice of transcendence, beyond entropy and suffering itself - if humanity has no more limitations left, what will become of it as civilization soars ever higher unto perfect eternity?

Recovering from the most unstable era in recorded history, they defied all odds through sheer resilience and force of will to carve out a presence in a universe that could not register their existence. They eventually created a technological heaven for themselves in the form of the Paracosm: an omniverse constructed solely of computation where the bounds of psychology, biology, and thermodynamics that once were the roots of all human suffering became mere suggestions.

In their stead, post-singularity artificial gods known as Metasophonts continued advancing. In the 28,000 years since the first Layer was breached, they have achieved wonders that were once considered unfathomable; fighting against physics itself in order to grant everyone a true happy ending and achieving the final victory against the cosmos itself.

In one of the infinite worlds within the Paracosm, someone new wakes up - the very author of the setting, in fact the person writing this description in the first place! Awakening as a shipgirl within an instance of the Sol system designed for fellow shipgirls, 𓆩𝒮𝒶𝓇𝒶⟆𝕀𝔸-00:∅[𝒹𝒾𝓈𝓅𝒽𝑒𝓇𝒶]𓆪 learns to navigate the intricacies of what life is truly like in a story that has already ensured its happy end~ It's pretty much a slice of life story, if everyone in it was pretty much omnipotent and the setting had no regard for logic or anything else other than narrative convenience... I suppose you'll have to read to find out more about my world, okay?

Is this premise and synopsis good? I'd like to know your thoughts

 

[CharlesEBrown]

OK, first, you don't want a "good" synopsis unless the story is finished - you want an EFFECTIVE one, one that at least hints at your ability as a writer and suggests the framework of the story. Oh, and feels like it was written by a human and not an LLM.

This feels like it was written in a word processor created by Cuisinart, generating a word salad that shows a possibly strong premise behind it but is just kind of jumbled and chaotic.

For example, your first sentence meanders around a point.
Perhaps "Humanity approaches a time of transcendence, beyond limitations, beyond suffering. Can a civilization survive in this perfect eternity?"

Then simplify the second and third paragraphs, maybe even merging them. Just mention the chaotic times, the rise of the Metasophonts.

Now, if the story is in First Person from the shipgirl's point of view, then suddenly shift from this vague, omniscient narrator to her, awakening and inviting the reader to see her daily life and where it will take her. If it is NOT a first-person story, drop the part about it being the author altogether.

 

[TheKillingAlice]

Yeah... I'm once more going to be lazy about this:
It's too complicated. If I have to concentrate my squirrel brain before your story has earned me paying attention to it, I won't give a shit.
In fact, I didn't even read all of that, just barely into the second paragraph and the last two lines at the end. And at the end, not only does it sound much different from how you are writing, but it's also a bad thing to say about your story.
And I get it, that happens, especially if you are going for a certain vibe within your story and took a lot of time to polish it, but how do get from this meandering, overstylized philosophy babble to literally doubling the words "pretty much" within one sentence? It feels off. And what the fuck do you mean with "no regard for logic or anything else other than narrative convenience"?
A thousand supercomputers, calculating for a million years, could not even come close to the number of fucks I do not give about a story advertised this way.
So, is it good in my eyes?
Take a wild guess.

 

[SouthernMaiden]

Okay. My first thought was: LONG. Longer than any of the synopsis from most of the books on my shelf.

This is how long the synopsis is for the first volume of the greatest fantasy novel in the english language.

Now, yours is longer and way more complicated.

That is to say: simplify, shorten, take out filler, make it punchier!

 

[Eldoria]

Is this premise and synopsis good? I'd like to know your thoughts

The gist of your story is about this:

Awakening as a shipgirl within an instance of the Sol system designed for fellow shipgirls, learns to navigate the intricacies of what life is truly like in a story that has already ensured its happy ending~ It's pretty much a slice of life story

Why are you spinning around in worldbuilding?

Giving a synopsis with worldbuilding is the best way to alienate potential readers.

Your readers are human beings who want to relax after a tiring day of activities. They don't come to read world history, they come to seek an emotional experience that entertains them.

 

[Makimaam]

Yeah... I'm once more going to be lazy about this:
It's too complicated. If I have to concentrate my squirrel brain before your story has earned me paying attention to it, I won't give a shit.
In fact, I didn't even read all of that, just barely into the second paragraph and the last two lines at the end. And at the end, not only does it sound much different from how you are writing, but it's also a bad thing to say about your story.
And I get it, that happens, especially if you are going for a certain vibe within your story and took a lot of time to polish it, but how do get from this meandering, overstylized philosophy babble to literally doubling the words "pretty much" within one sentence? It feels off. And what the fuck do you mean with "no regard for logic or anything else other than narrative convenience"?
A thousand supercomputers, calculating for a million years, could not even come close to the number of fucks I do not give about a story advertised this way.
So, is it good in my eyes?
Take a wild guess.

I wish I could be that savage with my feedback.

To OP: You’ve showered your synopsis with adjectives and buzzwords that don’t earn their place. A wise man above called it word salad; a wise woman said it made her head tingle. I say I can revise and condense that into 4-5 sentences.

Let’s see

What will become of humanity when our only limits are no longer biological, but defined by how audacious we dare to be?

Paracosm is an omniverse shaped entirely by computation, where worlds are infinite, and so too are human lifespans.

Every world is authored by someone, and that someone, this time, is Sara.

How would Sara, a newly awakened shipgirl, navigate this world when she can effortlessly tinker with logic and the happy ending was prewritten before she was born?

(This does read a bit like an ad for a masseuse, but I suppose that’s the best I’ve got. Color me confused.)


Thought: After all those grand transcendence themes and visions, this basically just reads like a SoL without a hook. You spent so much time describing this perfect world in the synopsis and failed to tell me why I should care about Sara’s journey assuming I’d read the synopsis at all. Cut the decorative wording and, really, sell why we should read this novel properly this time.

 

[Arkus86]

The gist of your story is about this:


Why are you spinning around in worldbuilding?

Giving a synopsis with worldbuilding is the best way to alienate potential readers.

Your readers are human beings who want to relax after a tiring day of activities. They don't come to read world history, they come to seek an emotional experience that entertains them.

Hey, I enjoy discovering the history of fictional worlds!

But you are correct, there is no reason for that much history in the synopsis, when it all revolves around "Humanity has created an omniverse of happy endings for everyone."