Is this a good description?

[ThisAdamGuy]

[THIS POST HAS BEEN CONSUMED BY THE VOID]

 

[Worthy39]

It reads a teensy bit stiff, but describing an ability like that properly isn't easy, so I don't think anyone will have a huge complaint about it. After the "meaning they weren't able to fly," portion, everything there felt a bit self explanatory, so if you're gonna leave that in, I'd polish it to make it sound a bit smoother, but otherwise it reads fine, and the ability is easy to understand.

 

[RainyLiquid]

I do not know.

 

[ThisAdamGuy]

I do not know.

 

[Deleted member 206441]

One possible way is to break the "teaching the reader" in to two parts or even smaller chunks.

Showing character using the power and it working. With all the description of it awesomeness and power.

In another part of the story (later?), showing the character not using the power / wanted to but can't, and explain why.

 

[LeilaniOtter]

A little too much telling.
Maybe instead have the power demonstrated by someone so that the reader sees what it does?
. *^^*

 

[CharlesEBrown]

A little too much telling.
Maybe instead have the power demonstrated by someone so that the reader sees what it does?
. *^^*

That's what happens though - she shifts her gravitational focus from the ground to a tree - and then the narrator explains how she did that. I agree with the earlier comment that it's "fine but stiff" myself. Not sure how to "fix" it as such, and I'd probably actually write something "stiffer" myself.

As an aside, I recall a spell in a game somewhere - not sure if it was an "unofficial AD&D spell" or something for another system (or maybe an obscure spell from one of the Spelljammer supplements and not a core book) - called "Reorient" which did the same thing, except it was permanent until the spell wore off, so you'd be oriented to the tree, unless you cast it again, until the spell duration ended.