Thanks to everyone for responding. My 24 hour shift became 33 hours and sleeping/recovery stopped me from checking back sooner. Alas, the worksite I got mandated to does not have internet access.
Did you start writing before or after taking hydrocodone? How was your writing affected?
I've been writing recreationally/semi-professionally for decades. Started off working with Battlelords of the 23rd century, did some work for White Wolf. When they open sourced 3rd I worked for bardic press and a bunch of places. Got into doing 'papers' for college students for a while, then led to ghost writing. Tried actually publishing my own crap and... I made some mistakes and vowed never to do it again.
Since then, over the years, it's been an on again, off again thing. However, if you are referring to the stories I've been writing here, I've been on hydro for a decade now. Blew out my disk when a client picked me up and tossed me into a TV. I'm 6'1" 220 lbs, BTW. It took about two years to fully recover. Well... recover to the point I can function without grunting every time I bend at the waist.
The problem is, it's the only drug that works, but I also hate it. I already have insomnia and when I take it, I start bouncing off the walls. Take too much and it starts making my skin itch. But Oxy? Tramadol? Codine? Nothing. I'm damn near immune to most pain killers. Well, codine actually works, but it also makes me super paranoid. Most drugs work wrong with me. Caffeine makes me tired, Hydro makes me hyper. I can't sleep without provigil (used to treat narcolepsy). Lunesta and most sleeping pills just paralyze me, but I remain WIDE AWAKE the whole time. That shit is nightmare fuel. Imagine struggling to breathe and unable to move for SIX HOURS but your eyes are wide open the whole time.
So I guess, been taking the drugs before I started this last bout of writing.
How has it affected my writing? I'm only just now realizing how much 'motivation' I have and how much hydro I take is directly correlated. Mostly because I resist taking it unless I absolutely have to. Like, I can 'grind' out something. I know how to push ahead no matter how bad the migrane or what not. When writing for a deadline, the first draft can be utter crap as long as it follows the general plot of your outline. Most of your creative writing will be done in the rewrite anyways, so just force yourself to slam it out, and don't worry about the quality. You were going to have to rewrite it anyways.
But the motivation to go back and clean things up? Yeah, that's been tied to the hydro.
To Everyone Else:
Thanks for the advice. I guess I just have to accept the fact that I'm getting weak. I can't just ignore my spine and do shit I could do 30 years ago, and I guess I can't just ignore my emotional state and force myself to 'be happy', either. The sooner I admit it and just accept it's a performance issue, they sooner I can move on to fixing the problem.
