Intimacy without Romance

[MakBow]

How hard would you asses it would be to write intimate moments between two people (none of that family intimacy), without it really coming off as romantic or keep their relationship as simply close friends that got even closer.

I ask this because I'm going to have a very complicated relationship between my MC and one of his friends, who is female, and has gone through some stuff, being a bit controlling unintentionally, emotionally driven, traumatized by her brother, a bit like Ragatha, not being nice out of genuine concern, but more so as a front to make herself feel okay, a bit clingy, struggling with seeing her brother in the MC (who she loves and hates at the same time), while giving them intimacy through the power system to allow them to get closer.

 

[Jerynboe]

Don’t worry about it coming off as romantic. There is no level of platonic intimacy that you can possibly put on the page without it coming off as romantic to some people. The entire concept of shipping relies on this fact. My own lack of gaydar and sensitivity to some squicky relationship dynamics mean that I frequently read gay romance platonically or hate when something like a mentor/student relationship turns romantic. Some people feel cheated when Frodo/Sam isn’t a gay relationship despite being written by a devout Catholic nearly a century ago.

Don’t inject anything sexual into the dynamic and occasionally drop hints about what archetype it’s actually playing into, like mentorship, patronage, best friends, or found family. People will still assume that any two entities you put in emotional proximity with one another want to get married and/or start banging no matter what counter-evidence you present.

On some level I think any fictional romance that only works when framed as sexual or romantic and wouldn’t work if they were just really close platonic friends is a shallow relationship. If you don’t see why the MC and Waifu #3 could even be friends or business partners if they weren’t porking and they have zero positive on screen interactions, then they do not have a happy long term marriage ahead of them.

 

[Eldoria]

Build a platonic relationship: one based on support, trust, and affection without possessiveness. My second FMC also has a platonic relationship with my first FMC's younger brother who is willing to do anything to keep my second FMC alive, even if it means being hated by my second FMC.

 

[Kurayami]

What?

 

[Corty]

What?

He was asking how a genuine hug feels.

 

[ConansWitchBaby]

Physical contact that isn't focused on when you write it down.

 

[A-Random-Writer]

Yeah idk man I think intimacy and romance kind of go hand in hand

 

[TinaMigarlo]

What?

Build a platonic relationship: one based on support, trust, and affection without possessiveness. The second FMC also has a platonic relationship with the first FMC's younger brother who is willing to do anything to keep the second FMC alive, even if it means being hated by the second FMC.

I know this is going to come as a shock to some people, but it *is* humanly possible for two people to be close emotionally without BOINKING. That's what the (new?) vocabulary word Eldoria introduced means. Platonic = nothing sexual, nothing romantic.

example: guys that were in the war together, in combat. Depending on what they lived through, you'll see these guys grab and hug each other, and I mean like a husband hugs his wife after being kept apart from each other for an extended period of work. There's *nothing* they won't do for one another, they can overlook anything in each other. These men will treat each other "pretty much" like romantic couples treat each other, really... but there's not a *whiff* of that sort of thing going on.

Those men are CLOSE. Emotionally, at times physically, and in just about any way that doesn't involve anything sexual.

Famous platonic relationships ----

parent to son/daughter
a student has a favorite teacher or professor, one that really inspires the student.
the intense relationship you can share with a favorite dog or cat & you're their favorite human
men in combat, particularly where they risked their lives for one another
cop partners
some childhood friends

some common features of these PLATONIC relationships?
nothing romantic, nothing sexual. At all.
Trust. I mean, implicit trust like you wouldn't believe.
I know guys that were in combat together? They say they "trust" each other more than they trust their own family members.
Love. a true, intense love... with no romantic component.
They're completely unafraid to *show* that deep affection for each other.
and if you tease them about it? They laugh like its the funniest thing ever.

and I'll share one final secret about these kinds of relationships...
don't e-v-e-r think "you" are going to come out on top of a "me or them" kind of deal.
you? will lose. These people will *never* turn on one another.
Not for love. Not for money. Not for anything.
These relationships, are the very personification of L-O-Y-A-L-T-Y.

These relationship go straight down to the very core of whatever it means to be "human" and to really "care".
these relationship bring out what is best in human beings.
Selflessness, doing what's right *above* gain. Especially when you *lose* for showing that loyalty.
Its not about doing what's smart, its about doing what's right.

and that? MIGHT SERVE as some sort of a primer, to understand and perhaps write about, a relationship like this.

Yeah idk man I think intimacy and romance kind of go hand in hand

so when a parent hugs and kisses their own child... that's not intimacy MINUS romance?
I'll next ask what's become of the human race that there's people out there that don't understand this.

 

[Zagaroth]

So it seems that you specifically mean non-sexual intimacy?

It can be a difficult balance, and I have to admit, there is a lot going on there that could lead to romance. Several layers of bonds, and I assume both are straight or bi.

If it's feasible in your story, I would probably try to develop other relationships for them that are romantic. If they are both otherwise romantically entangled, then it is less likely people will ship the two with each other.

 

[TinaMigarlo]

Don’t worry about it coming off as romantic. There is no level of platonic intimacy that you can possibly put on the page without it coming off as romantic to some people. The entire concept of shipping relies on this fact. My own lack of gaydar and sensitivity to some squicky relationship dynamics mean that I frequently read gay romance platonically or hate when something like a mentor/student relationship turns romantic. Some people feel cheated when Frodo/Sam isn’t a gay relationship despite being written by a devout Catholic nearly a century ago.

Don’t inject anything sexual into the dynamic and occasionally drop hints about what archetype it’s actually playing into, like mentorship, patronage, best friends, or found family. People will still assume that any two entities you put in emotional proximity with one another want to get married and/or start banging no matter what counter-evidence you present.

On some level I think any fictional romance that only works when framed as sexual or romantic and wouldn’t work if they were just really close platonic friends is a shallow relationship. If you don’t see why the MC and Waifu #3 could even be friends or business partners if they weren’t porking and they have zero positive on screen interactions, then they do not have a happy long term marriage ahead of them.

^^^ this guy gets it

 

[Kurayami]

I know this is going to come as a shock to some people, but it *is* humanly possible for two people to be close emotionally without BOINKING. That's what the (new?) vocabulary word Eldoria introduced means. Platonic = nothing sexual, nothing romantic.

example: guys that were in the war together, in combat. Depending on what they lived through, you'll see these guys grab and hug each other, and I mean like a husband hugs his wife after being kept apart from each other for an extended period of work. There's *nothing* they won't do for one another, they can overlook anything in each other. These men will treat each other "pretty much" like romantic couples treat each other, really... but there's not a *whiff* of that sort of thing going on.

Those men are CLOSE. Emotionally, at times physically, and in just about any way that doesn't involve anything sexual.

Famous platonic relationships ----

parent to son/daughter
a student has a favorite teacher or professor, one that really inspires the student.
the intense relationship you can share with a favorite dog or cat & you're their favorite human
men in combat, particularly where they risked their lives for one another
cop partners
some childhood friends

some common features of these PLATONIC relationships?
nothing romantic, nothing sexual. At all.
Trust. I mean, implicit trust like you wouldn't believe.
I know guys that were in combat together? They say they "trust" each other more than they trust their own family members.
Love. a true, intense love... with no romantic component.
They're completely unafraid to *show* that deep affection for each other.
and if you tease them about it? They laugh like its the funniest thing ever.

and I'll share one final secret about these kinds of relationships...
don't e-v-e-r think "you" are going to come out on top of a "me or them" kind of deal.
you? will lose. These people will *never* turn on one another.
Not for love. Not for money. Not for anything.
These relationships, are the very personification of L-O-Y-A-L-T-Y.

These relationship go straight down to the very core of whatever it means to be "human" and to really "care".
these relationship bring out what is best in human beings.
Selflessness, doing what's right *above* gain. Especially when you *lose* for showing that loyalty.
Its not about doing what's smart, its about doing what's right.

and that? MIGHT SERVE as some sort of a primer, to understand and perhaps write about, a relationship like this.

so when a parent hugs and kisses their own child... that's not intimacy MINUS romance?
I'll next ask what's become of the human race that there's people out there that don't understand this.

It's not a shock. I had no idea what OP was talking about.

 

[Worthy39]

If they are both otherwise romantically entangled, then it is less likely people will ship the two with each other.

Well, that doesn't work for about 99% of media, if people want it to happen, they'll ship it.

And another thing is that feelings can be complicated and confusing, if you aren't sure how to write it, then write it how you can. Maybe they aren't sure how they feel either, but just decide staying friends feels right. The number one rule of writing has always been to write what you know, and if you don't know how to write this, make it as confusing for the characters as it is for you.

 

[FleecedSheep]

Should look up the different definitions of love. That might answer your questions.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

I know this is going to come as a shock to some people, but it *is* humanly possible for two people to be close emotionally without BOINKING. That's what the (new?) vocabulary word Eldoria introduced means. Platonic = nothing sexual, nothing romantic.

Yes - possible. Just ask all but two of the women (and some of the men) I knew before I got married (heck, my wife seems to think this way sometimes... Maybe it's just me)...

Possible, but not as much fun...