Added you both to my reading list. As level 3 is on an individual basis and for mates only, you will both get level 2.
@Hoshino
You requested a level two review. I will review your story as if I were reading one of my own.
TL;DR: Appropriate cover. Blurb matches genre. Title not attractive enough. Could use gore warning. Good horror. 4/5.
@Hoshino
You requested a level two review. I will review your story as if I were reading one of my own.
TL;DR: Appropriate cover. Blurb matches genre. Title not attractive enough. Could use gore warning. Good horror. 4/5.
This review starts with my clicking on your link.
First impressions, the title of your story appears to be a Japanese name. After reading the title, I have no idea what to expect.
The cover shows a young girl in school uniform, which makes me immediately backtrack to confirm whether or not this is a horror story. I would say for those familiar with the genre, the cover conveys all the information necessary.
Blurb time: I also tend to enjoy rambling on about the profound truth of aphorisms. That is a rather vulnerable blurb but not badly written. I can imagine it attracts individuals in precisely that state of mind. The end is suitably dramatic.
Your tags, genres, and lack of content warnings make me raise an eyebrow. A torture tag without gore warning is uncommon. You are missing out on all those people searching explicitly for gore by not including any in your story. Many of them would eat your tags right up.
Looking at your table of contents, I notice that is well-organized, except for that run-away space in Chapter:
Let's move on to the first or rather zeroth chapter. Now that's how you start a webnovel: excitement. Sure, it may be a little cliche at this point, but that just makes it in line with reader expectations.
A lonely, minor typo:
To conclude, I enjoyed your zeroth chapter. It set the table with both humor and gravitas.
Chapter 1: Ship's going down. Good. And I liked it. This is the sort of deranged flight of fancy I, too, enjoy writing, so I feel exceptionally qualified to judge. And I'd say this chapter is up there. You are mixing cliches with creativity and producing something unique enough to call crazy. This chapter alone deserves more readers. Maybe your title needs some help attracting the sort of readers who would appreciate this sort of writing.
Or your tags are scaring them away. They sure would have made me nope out. I am glad you sent this review request, mate. I would not want to miss out on all the heavenly glory that is this chapter.
Well, I suppose it is a sci-fi world. Who can say what they consider a firewall.
*We do not track electromagnetic waves at all, I believe, but I would need to ask one of the mates who actually work those jobs.
Last it was explained to me, we can trace by IP, nearby wireless networks and their strength (using a database), and GPS (obviously). Or, more commonly, by finding out the name of the person through the accounts their emails/logins/passwords are associated with. Since many people reuse a password, scanning a breach database for known password hashes can yield some good results for alternate emails.
Thinking about it, radio signals are electromagnetic waves, too. We did learn to track those back in the army. But those techniques do not seem applicable here.
Typo time:
Chapter 2: Interesting. A perfectly fine chapter. Nothing I would criticize.
Typos:
Chapter 3:
Chapter 4: This chapter felt especially personal. I enjoyed the surreal aspects. Complex romantic developments like that, however, are a bit too much for a brick head like myself to follow. Hence, I will stop here.
Typos:
All in all, your writing is good. Your imagination is clearly vivid and enriched by ample experience. Your writing has some depth to it, and I understand it as part of your choice to write a light novel rather than a webnovel. My favorite chapter was the second, Chapter 1. Some of the descriptions in that chapter were truly delicious.
You may wish to add a gore warning. It may help attract some special readers. Your title could be more descriptive. As it is now, it is very classy, but readers may not be certain what to expect.
Genre expectations were met and in an innovative fashion, too. The romance is not my cup of tea, but I will give you an unbiased 4/5. This could easily be a 5/5 with a round of editing and some polish. The idea has 5/5 potential.
First impressions, the title of your story appears to be a Japanese name. After reading the title, I have no idea what to expect.
The cover shows a young girl in school uniform, which makes me immediately backtrack to confirm whether or not this is a horror story. I would say for those familiar with the genre, the cover conveys all the information necessary.
Blurb time: I also tend to enjoy rambling on about the profound truth of aphorisms. That is a rather vulnerable blurb but not badly written. I can imagine it attracts individuals in precisely that state of mind. The end is suitably dramatic.
Your tags, genres, and lack of content warnings make me raise an eyebrow. A torture tag without gore warning is uncommon. You are missing out on all those people searching explicitly for gore by not including any in your story. Many of them would eat your tags right up.
Looking at your table of contents, I notice that is well-organized, except for that run-away space in Chapter:
Let's move on to the first or rather zeroth chapter. Now that's how you start a webnovel: excitement. Sure, it may be a little cliche at this point, but that just makes it in line with reader expectations.
Ouch. Great line! If this were my novel, I would be reading it over and over again, patting myself on the back each and every time for cracking such a simple yet delicious joke.
See above. The humor is spot on.
I sense that there is another joke to be enjoyed here, but it seems my Japanese is insufficient to do so.
A lonely, minor typo:
My conspiratorial mind immediately concludes it was put there merely to check if I was paying attention.
This line needs some work, mate. At the same time, it puts my mind at ease, reassuring me that the other typo may not have been a test.
Is the duplication intentional to resemble an inner rant? If so, you succeeded in making it flow awkwardly. Just fix the 'eye'.
Misplaced line break.
Show your 'eyes' some care. I usually do a search and replace for ' i ' on every chapter I complete.
To conclude, I enjoyed your zeroth chapter. It set the table with both humor and gravitas.
Chapter 1: Ship's going down. Good. And I liked it. This is the sort of deranged flight of fancy I, too, enjoy writing, so I feel exceptionally qualified to judge. And I'd say this chapter is up there. You are mixing cliches with creativity and producing something unique enough to call crazy. This chapter alone deserves more readers. Maybe your title needs some help attracting the sort of readers who would appreciate this sort of writing.
Or your tags are scaring them away. They sure would have made me nope out. I am glad you sent this review request, mate. I would not want to miss out on all the heavenly glory that is this chapter.
The impact was built by the preceding lines, but this was the one that hit. Good job.
Ah yes, unicode is always a biscuit on Windoors. The gods and I both struggle with it.
Of course, the firewalls! I hope this is an intentional dramticism by of our protagonist, mocking the cliche. It is sure to give anyone with an actual firewall an urge to cradle their head. The firewalls are either up or not. And the logs either show statistically suspicious activity or not. There are even those fancy AI firewalls these days - and it is just statistics in disguise. But they are not something to be breached by a siege engine.
Well, I suppose it is a sci-fi world. Who can say what they consider a firewall.
This could use an author's note. It sounds like a term I would need to look up in the urban dictionary.
This makes me wonder how their sci-fi tracking magic works. For us in the private sector, we do not usually* track electromagnetic waves.
*We do not track electromagnetic waves at all, I believe, but I would need to ask one of the mates who actually work those jobs.
Last it was explained to me, we can trace by IP, nearby wireless networks and their strength (using a database), and GPS (obviously). Or, more commonly, by finding out the name of the person through the accounts their emails/logins/passwords are associated with. Since many people reuse a password, scanning a breach database for known password hashes can yield some good results for alternate emails.
Thinking about it, radio signals are electromagnetic waves, too. We did learn to track those back in the army. But those techniques do not seem applicable here.
This one almost cracked me up. Well placed!
Typo time:
Missing space.
Chapter 2: Interesting. A perfectly fine chapter. Nothing I would criticize.
Typos:
I will stop with the 'eyes' now. You can likely get them all with a few rounds of search and replace.
Missing space.
Chapter 3:
Another small chuckle in that sea of surrealism you are painting.
Chapter 4: This chapter felt especially personal. I enjoyed the surreal aspects. Complex romantic developments like that, however, are a bit too much for a brick head like myself to follow. Hence, I will stop here.
This could merit a gore warning.
Typos:
All in all, your writing is good. Your imagination is clearly vivid and enriched by ample experience. Your writing has some depth to it, and I understand it as part of your choice to write a light novel rather than a webnovel. My favorite chapter was the second, Chapter 1. Some of the descriptions in that chapter were truly delicious.
You may wish to add a gore warning. It may help attract some special readers. Your title could be more descriptive. As it is now, it is very classy, but readers may not be certain what to expect.
Genre expectations were met and in an innovative fashion, too. The romance is not my cup of tea, but I will give you an unbiased 4/5. This could easily be a 5/5 with a round of editing and some polish. The idea has 5/5 potential.
