1. You live and die by the very first sentence. That sentence is all you can expect people to read. You need that sentence to be grabby enough to read the next paragraph.
Your first sentence sucks.
2. Your first paragraph needs to ask a question. It doesn't need to be a question, but it should PUT a question in your readers head. This question needs to be something the reader wants to know the answer to. It is what will make him read more.
Let us look at yours.
>Rising from his slumber, the young man yawned and looked out from the window.
Bored now.
>He felt the heat from the sunlight shining through his uncovered glass window.
As opposed to the sunlight that was shining through the covered window?
>Rubbing his excited eyes, he saw a lot of buildings watching men, women, and children of all ages either walking or running past one another, on the sidewalk or crossed the street.
Why are buildings watching people?
Also, run on sentence.
>Cars, vans and trucks-old and new-drove past one another in opposite directions, moving in slow motion.
Are they driving slow or has time slowed down?
>A bronze statue of a bald, old man waved at the world with a grin, holding the rolled up papers on his left hand by his abdomen.
Is the statue moving? Why is the world grinning? Why are the papers balanced on his hand and not in his hand?
>A few floating clouds slowly moved forward in the clear, blue sky.
Why is one direction forward? Do clouds ever move backwards? Are there clouds that don't float?
>Taking his relaxing, deep breath with his eyes closed, he smiled out of joy.
Why is he taking his relaxing deep breath? Is there more than one breath present and he is selecting the breath that is his?
Your objects are acting subjective and your subjects are objectified.
I have no question. I do not know who this man is, nor why I should care. Reading your words hurt my brain because the inanimate objects are in motion while you are treating your MC like he's the target of a mutual of Omaha's wild kingdom episode.
MAKE ME CARE.
This isn't high school. You wrote for an audience of one. Now you are writing for millions. You need to sell me your story.
Go take your story, put it in text edit. Use the text to speech function. LISTEN TO YOUR STORY SPOKEN OUT LOUD. Fix it.
