Overall it’s pretty decent. I’m not a good critic but I’ll give you what I got.
Add more tags. You only have wuxia. As a reader, tags are one of the easiest ways for me to decide if I’m interested. If I see tags I like, I might decide I should suffer past the semi-common unrefined first chapter
For those wondering why I'm so calm, the reason is simple. I'm quite the actor who can mask away my inner screams from the persons who arewalking past me in this street. And also, I'm not an immature kid to panic in public. That would only make things worse by attracting unnecessary attention. A few hours were enough for me to getback my composure which I don't usually lose.
This doesn’t work for me. I was not wondering. It was previously stated he’s 70. If he couldn’t control his emotions I would be more surprised. Beyond that, because most MCs don’t freak out, I treat it as a normal thing even if it maybe shouldn’t be.
The dispiriting part of my goals is that no soul in all of Janghu would believe in the laughable thought that a Great War known as The FourFront War would occur in the Imperial Year One-Hundred, which, as time is ticking away whilst we are talking, is twenty years from now.
Now I can't expect any assistance whatsoever from the unbeknownst people around me. Noneof them knows that I secretly am a seventy-year-old who reincarnated into the body of a seven-year-old orphan boy yesterday midnight's stroke, or that I had a conversation with God whopresented me with a second life in which Ipossess great treasures.
This as well. The first is a really long sentence. Same with the final sentence. Final sentence also needs a space between the first 2 words (idk if it’s there for anyone whose not in mobile. Just copied this way for me). Then there’s the no assistance part, which is so vague it doesn’t quite work. I assume it means there’s no other reincarnator a to help. But if it’s about his goal of preventing a war and helping help people, there’s totally people who would be interested or at the very least willing to help for their own profit. He’s got 20 years. I would think that would be enough to find at least one friend who could help.
Beyond that there are a few grammatical things that bother me. All of them are relatively minor so the average SH reader won’t care.
Well, all those aside, I am now on my way to the Beggar's Sect's headquarters in this town.
Here’s an example of the wrong word being used. Should be that instead of those.
Well... you see, things are getting worse. The Unorthodox Faction bastards are doing some 'stuff'. So the Orthodox faction decided to train more people just in case to prepare for the situation.
There are some minor refinements like here. So isn’t the best way to start a sentence but that’s really not that important. To me, these 2 sentences kinda blurred into one. I’m not 100% certain as it is right now that someone would say it as 2 sentences instead of one. Perhaps a more clear boundary or just putting them together would work better. Beyond that, the second sentence says “just in case to prepare for the situation” which is essentially saying the same thing twice. Ditch one of them.
Also be careful of run on sentences. There were a few that were a little too long for comfort. Nothing really bad, but always good to keep an eye on.
1st person also is a little strange. I assume you chose it despite knowing that, so it’s fine. It is a little rough but you’ll improve over time. If you’re interested in improvement, reading others stories in 1st person and have been well refined might help. Asking the authors of those stories for advice or help would also work.
Overall, your work just needs some refinement. I didnt see any major issues with it.
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