Mirabelle Tansy is twenty years old, kind to a fault, and quietly different in ways the world is not built to accommodate. She lives in Petalik, a small orchard town within Paddlewick, a rigid, rule-obsessed, patriarchal kingdom powered by magic-tech and enforced tradition. Here, women are...
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Reading The Peach of Petalik.
To start off, I don't really see the point in the author's note. It gives no information that isn't in the synopsis besides the fact that the author knows what they're doing, which doesn't need to be said imo. The reader can figure that by reading
First, I have to complain that some sentences are a bit too short and could be merged into a larger sentence.
He watched the way the young man looked at her. How he kept a respectful distance. How he didn’t flinch when she repeated herself, or skipped a detail, or asked if peaches could grow from tulips.
Mirabelle was crouched by a crooked little flower growing out of the edge of the path. She hadn’t heard them. Or maybe she had and didn’t understand. Or maybe she just didn’t care.
It wasn’t a romance yet. It didn’t have to be. It was something else. Something steady. Something real. Something starting.
A period makes you stop and kind of interrupts the flow, you should use more commas
These types of short sentences make sense to me in first-person narration where it's like the narrator's thoughts are what composes the narration, not in a third-person narration
Carver and Mirabelle have a good dynamic and are interesting characters and it's easy to imagine the environment because of the description. I like the secret society of geese, I enjoy kind of goofy worldbuilding
The dialogue is a bit flat at times. I think most characters are a bit too straight to the point in their speech and they don't really have a unique voice.
Overall, nice main leads, but I'd say the people around the two main characters need work, and just write longer sentences. Good stuff
