I'll read a couple chapters of your story and give feedback best I can [No Submissions Temporarily (I need to catch up on everyone)]

[Failnot]

The Supernatural Case of an Accidental Time Traveler Volume 1

Ever consider going back in time? Is it on purpose and to a specific time? Well, not this time in The Supernatural Case of an Accidental Time Traveler. This story is the first in a series of time-travel escapades with various supernatural and mythological undertones scattered throughout the...

www.scribblehub.com

If you don't mind, I would love any feedback you can give. Thank you!

I like the cover art. Getting into the story, we're met with a really fast paced prologue. I think I'd complain that it was too fast, but it actually segues quite nicely into the protagonist "waking up" in chapter 1. But, we also pretty much immediately toss him through time after a single paragraph. I think the scene in which he gets time-travelled needs a bit more meat on it maybe, right now the transition is just "I suddenly felt dizzy" without any more physical description.

Again, I enjoyed the description of the area, it's very immersive. I'm a bit surprised by the fact that the protagonist is relatively cool-headed, makes me wonder what kind of person he was back in the 21st century. Now, Whitechapel in 1888 means Jack the Ripper, so, looking forward to that. Your fight scenes are definitely good, btw, and fun to read as well.

Overall, it's pretty good. Very likeable cast, though I feel like the MC is a bit lacking? Maybe we'll know more about him later into the story. Good stuff

 

[Representing_Tromba]

I like the cover art. Getting into the story, we're met with a really fast paced prologue. I think I'd complain that it was too fast, but it actually segues quite nicely into the protagonist "waking up" in chapter 1. But, we also pretty much immediately toss him through time after a single paragraph. I think the scene in which he gets time-travelled needs a bit more meat on it maybe, right now the transition is just "I suddenly felt dizzy" without any more physical description.

Again, I enjoyed the description of the area, it's very immersive. I'm a bit surprised by the fact that the protagonist is relatively cool-headed, makes me wonder what kind of person he was back in the 21st century. Now, Whitechapel in 1888 means Jack the Ripper, so, looking forward to that. Your fight scenes are definitely good, btw, and fun to read as well.

Overall, it's pretty good. Very likeable cast, though I feel like the MC is a bit lacking? Maybe we'll know more about him later into the story. Good stuff

Thank you so much! There is more character depth later on but I do agree that it it needs some more descriptive meat.

 

[Bartun]

If you're still up to it, I would love some feedback as well. I'll leave the link below.

Nowhere to Run

Nina is a young priestess who has just begun her journeys through the highlands, ancient home of the Clans. But unknown powers are scheming in the darkness, and everything falls apart when the barbaric Northmen suddenly come looking for her. Being too weak to fight, she will have to resort...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[V8485]

If you have the time, I would be grateful. The Devil’s Hell | Scribble Hub. Thanks

 

[Shadowless3]

me too if u could, I'd like any feedback.... i havent posted for awhile but it is still on going. please check it out.

Beneath the Crown

Born of royal blood but raised in shadows, she lives among the streets. A bright, reckless spirit with a hidden past and a secret only her sister knows. Careless, curious, and untamed, she has no interest in kingdoms, crowns, or fate. A streetwise troublemaker with a secret past, she hides...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Failnot]

hi! i'd love some feedback, i'm only starting out as well so i'd be grateful for any reviews

The Scum Warlord Stabbed Me In The Back [BL]

The barren steppes of Wildfields had, for decades, been roamed by the Kingless Knights — remnants of the once-great broken empire. Now, they recognized no king, but chose their own High Warlord to lead them. To be chosen was to be acknowledged as the mightiest, the keenest, the one fit to...

www.scribblehub.com

The synopsis is definitely attention grabbing. This isn't a genre I typically read, but I think the prologue does a good job giving you some romance as a hook, though I think it could do with a bit more information on the siege conditions before we get into the tent with them. Leksa and Demyan are pretty likeable characters, the whole "my wife" thing is pretty funny ngl. I'd like to read Chapter 4 of this to see the two leads interactions (there's a bit in the prologue, but those are under special circumstances). Good character description here, especially for Leksa.

My advice is just to keep going, not a lot has happened yet but it looks pretty promising.

Hi! I am new here. I will love a feedback. Thank you. https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2125209/the-warring-epoch/. This is the link

The synopsis isn't very good. The "Welcome to Balia" part is slightly redundant because that's just how our world works, too. I'd keep the "world favors the bold" bit because the next part of the synopsis builds off that. Another problem is that the synopsis doesn't really tell us what we're getting out of this. Do these three characters have any relation? If so, to what end? I think that should be hinted at.

I'll read to Chapter 5, like Chapter 1 instructs. About chapter 1, it's mostly good, but the mercenary's part is weak. The main problem is really the dialogue, which isn't written very naturally and doesn't flow well. For example:

"No offense taken. I am Maja, although the pronunciation goes something like Maxa, call me however you want"

I mean, these guys aren't speaking with textboxes, so who is she saying this for?

The plot is pretty interesting, but there's a problem with the narration. I find it a bit long-winded, you could easily trim down a lot of excess without taking away anything from the plot and simultaneously improving the style.

Also, for some reason, Chapter 5 and Chapter 4 are identical. Did you accidentally overwrite Chapter 5 with Chapter 4???

 

[harrydouthwaite]

Here is my little work-in-progress, I have up to Chapter 5 done so far. I'd love to hear what you think of it.

Sixes and Sevens

A Trains On The Brain series story. When you're all at sixes and sevens, you feel overwhelmed and unable to cope. That's how twelve-year old Robin feels a lot of the time, but as he enters his preteen years in 2006 his world begins to change in many ways which leads...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[lerasycamore]

The synopsis is definitely attention grabbing. This isn't a genre I typically read, but I think the prologue does a good job giving you some romance as a hook, though I think it could do with a bit more information on the siege conditions before we get into the tent with them. Leksa and Demyan are pretty likeable characters, the whole "my wife" thing is pretty funny ngl. I'd like to read Chapter 4 of this to see the two leads interactions (there's a bit in the prologue, but those are under special circumstances). Good character description here, especially for Leksa.

My advice is just to keep going, not a lot has happened yet but it looks pretty promising.

The synopsis isn't very good. The "Welcome to Balia" part is slightly redundant because that's just how our world works, too. I'd keep the "world favors the bold" bit because the next part of the synopsis builds off that. Another problem is that the synopsis doesn't really tell us what we're getting out of this. Do these three characters have any relation? If so, to what end? I think that should be hinted at.

I'll read to Chapter 5, like Chapter 1 instructs. About chapter 1, it's mostly good, but the mercenary's part is weak. The main problem is really the dialogue, which isn't written very naturally and doesn't flow well. For example:

"No offense taken. I am Maja, although the pronunciation goes something like Maxa, call me however you want"

I mean, these guys aren't speaking with textboxes, so who is she saying this for?

The plot is pretty interesting, but there's a problem with the narration. I find it a bit long-winded, you could easily trim down a lot of excess without taking away anything from the plot and simultaneously improving the style.

Also, for some reason, Chapter 5 and Chapter 4 are identical. Did you accidentally overwrite Chapter 5 with Chapter 4???

Hi! Thank you so much, I hope you know you're doing god's work entertaining so many authors, even when the genre is not your thing:)

With the siege logistics in the prologue - I was a bit afraid to go into full military description since, well, my target audience probably doesn't care much... but I feel gratified knowing I could've been more descriptive, so thanks! If you ever read to the next chapter, I hope the interaction won't be disappointing:)

 

[Daeron]

Well, if you don't mind, you can review mine too. It's very short story actually, only contain 7 chapters. It's basically years of stories being compressed in to 6219 Words.
It's pretty raw, i just use it to vent myself. Cheers.

Here's my Story Soft Illusion : Ad Finem Amore

 

[Bonhomie]

What it says in the title

I'm pretty new to this, but I think I can still be of some use

I'll try to give meaningful and constructive feedback

Here's my story!

Fragments to Power

Overweight, lonely, and depressed, Henry’s only joy in life comes from an illegal friendship with a super advanced AI named Dev. But when Dev forces Henry into a violent, Souls-like video game, Henry must let go of the timid nature that has defined his life and embrace something darker,...

www.scribblehub.com

Thanks!

 

[Cookiez_N_Potionz]

This is my first LitRPG Webnovel and it's completed. If you have time I would really appreciate your feedback

The Maverick and The Succubus [LitRPG]

5 Systems. 5 Royal Families. Greetings, Champion! 17 year-old, Collin Rex is a football player with a heart of gold. But his easygoing life is flipped upside-down when his older siblings fall into a mysterious coma. With no more tricks in their playbook Collin's folks decide to move back to...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[CYY]

Don't want to burden you, but would you read mines if you have the time?

Soulcarved Mage

He has only known the brutal training of his father, the Grand Magus of Metal. Xvalkken's life is an endless cycle of torture, and his future is imprisonment. His only choice is to run. Fleeing into the dread Forest of the Damned Souls, Xvalkken discovers a truth buried by millennia...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[pangmida]

…goodness. Dear OP, good luck with all these submissions. ? I’d put a note in the title the thread saying closed for submissions just so you can catch up, but it’s up to you.

 

[Failnot]

That's a pretty good idea, ngl. I'm writing a chapter myself rn, so I'll close the thread from new submissions for a bit. I'll be working through this backlog at a solid rate, dw

 

[Failnot]

Just a couple days in here at ScribbleHub and I'd really appreciate if you'd give my story a look. Thank you.

Escape to Star Valley

Escape to Star Valley is a long-form post-collapse novel about a small group of survivors who flee a dying city and attempt to build something human in the wilderness. What begins as survival becomes governance, then culture, then a confrontation with the world beyond their valley - and with the...

www.scribblehub.com

Thoroughly enjoyed the prologue, especially the ending. I don't understand the bio-engineering stuff even a little bit, so I don't know how accurate it is, but it reads pretty nice. Whenever I read "Hedi Slimane" I think of that one account on TikTok and get a smile on my face. But, when we get into the actual story, I feel the transition straight into the apocalypse is abrupt. We spend all the time before that being told about the main character, then there's a sudden boom and the plot kicks off. Even after the boom, we're still getting infodumped a bit. I'd rearrange the beginning to get the stuff about the radios and his sabbatical before that happens, maybe include a bit of him just doing forest stuff.

Overall pretty enjoyable and the main character is interesting. The highlight so far is the man on State Route 49. This is a sort of story that relies a lot on its characters, so I look forward to seeing more characterization and differentiation out of the rest of the MCs

 

[DavidBrackett]

Thoroughly enjoyed the prologue, especially the ending. I don't understand the bio-engineering stuff even a little bit, so I don't know how accurate it is, but it reads pretty nice. Whenever I read "Hedi Slimane" I think of that one account on TikTok and get a smile on my face. But, when we get into the actual story, I feel the transition straight into the apocalypse is abrupt. We spend all the time before that being told about the main character, then there's a sudden boom and the plot kicks off. Even after the boom, we're still getting infodumped a bit. I'd rearrange the beginning to get the stuff about the radios and his sabbatical before that happens, maybe include a bit of him just doing forest stuff.

Overall pretty enjoyable and the main character is interesting. The highlight so far is the man on State Route 49. This is a sort of story that relies a lot on its characters, so I look forward to seeing more characterization and differentiation out of the rest of the MCs

Thanks a lot - its great feedback, too, and it means a lot to me that you read it. The genetic engineering dump was an attempt to make the catastrophe plausible, and it takes place a couple of weeks before we see the MC - the idea is that shit was sideways while Rob was just decompressing in the woods. Cell service down, etc etc....so yeah, I can see how its an abrupt intro inot apocalypse.

The SR-49 guy was an add-in on my editing re-write. Its hard to conceptulize what a society would look like if 75% of people had teired psychopathy, but he's got it. Tier-2-ish.....Ted Bundy-esque.

It is character driven, for certain - partly because the writing is a therapeutic exercise for myself. But its also a little tough because they don't have really any idea about what's going on. The prologue is stand-alone...but it does play in a bit later.

Thanks for reading and I hope carry on with the story as it unfolds.

 

[Roeyachi]

This is a slice-of-life comedy about an overpowered dad who tackles parenting dilemmas with excessive force.

I Built A Guild of Monsters To Babysit My Daughter

The God of Death has made a return, not to dominate the world, but to change a diaper. Raiking, once the supreme cultivator capable of obliterating civilizations with a mere thought, has emerged from years of isolation to discover that the only mortal he ever cherished is dead. She left...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Empire145]

Hey, bro, I know you might be a bit busy now, but could you please read my novel when you have time? Thanks:https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2120645/empire/

 

[Failnot]

Sure, I’ll bite:

In the Shadow of Moonlight

Sophia “Wolfgirl” Jones has always had a strong affinity for wolves. After the death of her mother and her father’s descent into alcoholism, it becomes her refuge. Thus, when acting out a local native legend unexpectedly succeeds in turning her into a werewolf, and she meets a strange, but...

www.scribblehub.com

I always find myself forgetting to give my thoughts on the synopsis and cover image, so I'll write this first. Cover art is neat.

And then there’s the little detail that she’s developing feelings for her feral companion who’s showing signs of being more than a simple wolf…

Interrobang, but the synopsis does inform me well as to what to expect.

Moving onto the story. Chapter 1 is a decent introduction to the main character. Her day is comedically bad and it's pretty enjoyable to read for that reason, and we get her whole wolf thing set up well. Side cast seems relatively bland and stereotypical, but I like the MC and her dad too as of chapter 2. The atmosphere and the description of places is nice, I get a very "grey" feeling from all of it.

Now, overall, the story is written and told well. The dialogue is a bit cheesy at times (Candice and Sophia confrontation) and the side cast I don't care about as of where I'm at. Slightly put off by her being turned on by wolves but I'm not exactly the target audience here so that doesn't matter much I guess. I can't really tell where the plot is going (she's definitely going to be pursuing the wolf but idk about the human side of affairs), but this may be a skill issue on my part. Solid work in general.

 

[writerwolf359]

I always find myself forgetting to give my thoughts on the synopsis and cover image, so I'll write this first. Cover art is neat.



Interrobang, but the synopsis does inform me well as to what to expect.

Moving onto the story. Chapter 1 is a decent introduction to the main character. Her day is comedically bad and it's pretty enjoyable to read for that reason, and we get her whole wolf thing set up well. Side cast seems relatively bland and stereotypical, but I like the MC and her dad too as of chapter 2. The atmosphere and the description of places is nice, I get a very "grey" feeling from all of it.

Now, overall, the story is written and told well. The dialogue is a bit cheesy at times (Candice and Sophia confrontation) and the side cast I don't care about as of where I'm at. Slightly put off by her being turned on by wolves but I'm not exactly the target audience here so that doesn't matter much I guess. I can't really tell where the plot is going (she's definitely going to be pursuing the wolf but idk about the human side of affairs), but this may be a skill issue on my part. Solid work in general.

Thanks! How far did you read if I may ask?

Also, as the synopsis hints, there's a bit more to this particular wolf. :)