I would like to ask for your opinions on my sex scene.

[NotProudofmySmut]

It's my first sex scene ever.



I wonder if it's too prudish or otherwise strange.



PS In this scene, the protagonist shares his mind with another person, his goddess. Without this context, it could seem confusing.

https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1988335-reborn-in-farrundell--goddess-in-distress/chapter/2015093/

 

[DismaiNaim]

Considering this is the first one you ever wrote, it's pretty good.

I would say that the lead-in feels a bit rushed. I would recommend you focus more on the setting, the sights, sounds, smells all around them, and maybe a little more on the emotionality of the moment. This would allow you to drag it out more.

I did find the goddess distracting.

The foreplay was solid, but then once you get to the penetration part, it reads like a quick summary. The text says he keeps going straight through to morning, but it doesn't feel like that long.

Anyway here's mine: https://www.scribblehub.com/read/967246-a-place-to-bloom/chapter/2009370/

 

[HotConsensualSalt]

It's my first sex scene ever.



I wonder if it's too prudish or otherwise strange.



PS In this scene, the protagonist shares his mind with another person, his goddess. Without this context, it could seem confusing.

https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1988335-reborn-in-farrundell--goddess-in-distress/chapter/2015093/

It's not bad for a first one but it definitely feels "prudish" or at least very inexperienced. It's feels rushed and the only action is the thrusting. Then an orgasm.

I'd expect more focus on skin contact, on sensation, on kissing, touching, being together. Do they change position?Does she rock back and forth, or wrap her legs around him, or even fumble about, unsure where to place her hands?

As a reader i'd expect some dialogue, or some moaning, or a sense of rhythm and motion. (Good) sex is a lot more than just thrusting till orgasm.

 

[NotProudofmySmut]

Considering this is the first one you ever wrote, it's pretty good.

I would say that the lead-in feels a bit rushed. I would recommend you focus more on the setting, the sights, sounds, smells all around them, and maybe a little more on the emotionality of the moment. This would allow you to drag it out more.

I did find the goddess distracting.

The foreplay was solid, but then once you get to the penetration part, it reads like a quick summary. The text says he keeps going straight through to morning, but it doesn't feel like that long.

Anyway here's mine: https://www.scribblehub.com/read/967246-a-place-to-bloom/chapter/2009370/

Thank you for those kind words! I was a bit nervous, so i kinda pushed through when it came to the bread and butter.
I'm going to rework that once I've increased my skill.

Thanks again!

It's not bad for a first one but it definitely feels "prudish" or at least very inexperienced. It's feels rushed and the only action is the thrusting. Then an orgasm.

I'd expect more focus on skin contact, on sensation, on kissing, touching, being together. Do they change position?Does she rock back and forth, or wrap her legs around him, or even fumble about, unsure where to place her hands?

As a reader i'd expect some dialogue, or some moaning, or a sense of rhythm and motion. (Good) sex is a lot more than just thrusting till orgasm.

Thanks, that puts into words, what i feel after finishing it.
I was tellung myself, that i don't want my story to get pushed into a smut direction, but thats no excuse for not giving it my all, when it comes to sex scenes.

Thanks for your time and help!
Greatly appreciated!

 

[HotConsensualSalt]

Thank you for those kind words! I was a bit nervous, so i kinda pushed through when it came to the bread and butter.
I'm going to rework that once I've increased my skill.

Thanks again!

Thanks, that puts into words, what i feel after finishing it.
I was tellung myself, that i don't want my story to get pushed into a smut direction, but thats no excuse for not giving it my all, when it comes to sex scenes.

Thanks for your time and help!
Greatly appreciated!

No worries. Happy to help. I am currently writing erotica, so
im biased, but there is a huge gap between "boring sex scene" and "smut"

You might not be writing to make your readers horny, but there's still plenty of opportunity to write a compelling scene and provide tons of characterization via sex. How someone fucks can tell you a lot about them and (how they see) their relationship to the person they're sleeping with.

It night be easier to think about it from that perspective. "What am i gonna tell the reader besides 'they had sex. They both liked it?'"

Good luck!

 

[DismaiNaim]

How someone fucks can tell you a lot about them and (how they see) their relationship to the person they're sleeping with.

This, right here, is what I aim for.

 

[NotProudofmySmut]

No worries. Happy to help. I am currently writing erotica, so
im biased, but there is a huge gap between "boring sex scene" and "smut"

You might not be writing to make your readers horny, but there's still plenty of opportunity to write a compelling scene and provide tons of characterization via sex. How someone fucks can tell you a lot about them and (how they see) their relationship to the person they're sleeping with.

It night be easier to think about it from that perspective. "What am i gonna tell the reader besides 'they had sex. They both liked it?'"

Good luck!

Thank you! That’s a great answer!