I need help with the next plot twist.

[Deleted member 68927]

I need someone to bounce some plot ideas off of. The problem is that I never had a serious relationship, and I don't know what can be logical. And, my almost boyfriend before I swore off men, was not the type of bastard my MC is now faced with.

Does anyone have a couple of minutes?

So, here is the deal:

MC is in a threesome (BL). His lovers are vampires, but from the Vampire: The Masquerade setting, which makes them manipulative and abusive. MC doesn't still know that he is in a time loop, and that the blonde vampire, who ruined his life by walking into it, is his worst enemy.

The other vampire (the fallen angel) is cold and uncaring, but needs the blood of the MC to stay sane. (He is a Malkavian, which is the clan of crazy vamps in the game. They were all cursed with madness.)

So, as I was rewriting the story, I gave the MC more of a backbone in the past 2–3 chapters. Made the transition of him becoming a vampire more dramatic. But now he is in a fragile mood, and actually decked their home for Christmas, since he still thinks of himself as a human.

The blond enemy vampire is teasing him, and I don't know what could serve as a double-edged blade. Because the blonde vampire wants to ruin the MC, since the MC had killed him more than once during the time loop. (The blonde remembers everything.)

But the thing is, he is giving ground because he is slowly starting to appreciate the MC. Wants to drive him to jealousy. And so he pays attention to the third wheel, who is stronger than the both of them put together. (He is a third generation vampire.)

And I am at this very important moment in the story, where I have to make the choice between the MC giving ground, and going the way of the first draft, where he lost an eye, or I can make him fight for his rights.

But I don't know how a person in such an abusive relationship would react because I have never been in a relationship, and never had to go through such crap.

So, as a reader, what would make more sense to you? MC goes out, and leaves the two to their own devices, trying to find himself.

Or MC lets it all play out just like the blonde wants, and losses his eye, which will take a month to regrow?

I really need help because this story means the world to me, and I want to do it justice.

Any help is appreciated! =)

 

[Anemic_Vampire]

Does anyone have a couple of minutes?

Is that a pun? Since you are talking about relationships and couples here.

His lovers are vampires, but from the Vampire: The Masquerade setting, which makes them manipulative and abusive.

I don't read much BL, but that sounds like a cool concept. Politics, vampire, romance. I haven't read your story, and judging them all by this short description would be really pompous (is that the right word?) of me.

I really need help because this story means the world to me, and I want to do it justice.

That's a great writing spirit you've got there. I wouldn't be much of help giving you any helpful advise at all, but I hope you reach a satisfying conclusion for your story.

 

[Deleted member 68927]

Is that a pun? Since you are talking about relationships and couples here.

I don't read much BL, but that sounds like a cool concept. Politics, vampire, romance. I haven't read your story, and judging them all by this short description would be really pompous (is that the right word?) of me.

That's a great writing spirit you've got there. I wouldn't be much of help giving you any helpful advise at all, but I hope you reach a satisfying conclusion for your story.

No, it wasn't a pun. Just... if you were in the shoes of the MC, what would you have done? I honestly don't know what to do at this point in the plot. If it were me, I would have left the two vampires long ago, even if it meant that I will have to watch my back.

But this is not the real world, and the MC has to get together with the blonde in the end. You see, the MC breaks out of the time loop in the end, and goes back in time to the point when the blonde finds him the first time. But this time the blonde doesn't remember a thing, and the MC has Stockholm Syndrome and is now a real vampire. So, the prey becomes the predator.

He has an obsession with the blonde. Because he remembers everything that happened during the entire time loop, but he also remembers the last time loop life (Not sure if this is the proper term for this) and wants to get what he had wanted the most during that life: the love of the blonde. And also prevent all the shit from hitting the fan.

 

[Y2N1]

Are you going to write multiple timelines in here? Where the MC kills the blonde multiple times in the time loops?

 

[Deleted member 68927]

Are you going to write multiple timelines in here? Where the MC kills the blonde multiple times in the time loops?

I did not write that in the first draft, but I think I can do something like that as flashbacks. It is a good idea.

 

[beast_regards]

He slips in the bathroom, hits his head on this way down, and then, all of the sudden, the truck crashes through the wall and runs him over....

 

[BornInAbyss]

I actually always wanted to try to write a story without one main character, but maybe more so that I could kill them off and have that shock, but I don't know how to pull it off.

 

[Y2N1]

I did not write that in the first draft, but I think I can do something like that as flashbacks. It is a good idea.

Ah I see, I was wondering about that. Based on the idea it looks like the MC is not aware of the loop, only the blonde, so I was thinking if this is the first time the MC is about to do something different or nah?

If I were to choose I would definitely combine some choices.

But if I'm not wrong it doesn't matter what the MC choose right? It would all lead to the end where he manages to break through the loop.

 

[AstreiaNyx]

Since your character has developed Stockholm Syndrome, having him break out of the toxic relationship would require a deeper exploration of his psyche and perhaps having someone there to listen.

Does he have friends?

I’d say having him develop a backbone a chapter after a long time in an abusive relationship would be unrealistic. Not saying you can’t do it, but you need to spend more time exploring the main character’s internal dialogue, and the “aha” moment should play out in a believable way.

 

[Syringe]

Question: Are the time loops set in stone? If the Blonde Vampire is slowly feeling things for the MC, then why would they take out their eye again? It could be that the events repeat, but the Blonde Vampire just stops short of removing his eye again. That hesitance could also be a way to bargain/give an edge to the MC to fight for their rights.

 

[Deleted member 68927]

Question: Are the time loops set in stone? If the Blonde Vampire is slowly feeling things for the MC, then why would they take out their eye again? It could be that the events repeat, but the Blonde Vampire just stops short of removing his eye again. That hesitance could also be a way to bargain/give an edge to the MC to fight for their rights.

He removes the eye for the first time (during the current loop) because the MC is finally in love with him, and that pisses him off. Since the blonde saw the end of the world more than once, and he hates the MC because of that, even if it is his own fault.

Ah I see, I was wondering about that. Based on the idea it looks like the MC is not aware of the loop, only the blonde, so I was thinking if this is the first time the MC is about to do something different or nah?

If I were to choose I would definitely combine some choices.

But if I'm not wrong it doesn't matter what the MC choose right? It would all lead to the end where he manages to break through the loop.

He will break through the loop, yeah. During the first draft, I wrote it like a sort of accident. But I don't think it is logical for it to be an accident.

Since your character has developed Stockholm Syndrome, having him break out of the toxic relationship would require a deeper exploration of his psyche and perhaps having someone there to listen.

Does he have friends?

I’d say having him develop a backbone a chapter after a long time in an abusive relationship would be unrealistic. Not saying you can’t do it, but you need to spend more time exploring the main character’s internal dialogue, and the “aha” moment should play out in a believable way.

He has this sort of friend of his. A vampire who lives next door. They hunt together. But the thing is, I am trying to keep the vampires true to the Vampire: The Masquerade game, and the friend wins nothing from taking the side of the MC. Heck, he might die because of it, and I doubt he is a true friend.

There is this one character who comes by later, but he is still lying in a hospital and in a coma at this point of time.

 

[Tim_Saian]

Uhh, it makes more sense to fight for your rights. Both these guys are heavily toxic and there's no one that deserves to be in a relationship with them, least of all the MC of your story! I hate seeing sick bastards get away with being themselves and I hate having them around in my life which is typically why I don't. My plot twist in this case would be MC not being dumb(sorry but really? If you've been killed multiple times and still revived before becoming a vampire, it should be obvious you're having a groundshog day.) as a result of becoming a vampire and start using the timeloop to their advantage in order to get with someone that they deserve to be with.

 

[Deleted member 68927]

Ok, I took all of your advice in consideration, and ended up with the MC taking a walk, realizing he could not go back to his old life, then fighting for his rights, and started the whole remembering the time loops plot arc.

Thank you all for the advice! =)